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Scholarship essay : the definition of success in my life



lauratessa97 1 / -  
Jun 13, 2017   #1
Hello everyone, I am applying for LPDP scholarship. I realize that my English isn't good. So, Anyone could help me.
Thank you

I graduated from bachelor degree



Everyone have a different meaning for a successful in their life. And for me, a success is when I can useful for other people. Because as homo socius. Certainly, we need each other in our life. And talk about the biggest successful in my life, perhaps it is quite simple. Graduated from bachelor degree is one of the most successful in my life which I ever tasted. Because, when I was a child I never imagine to got the higher education. My mother is a single parent with five children with a poor family environment. As I remember, when I was in elementary school, my mother must be organized small amount of money for both of my school and kitchen needs. So, in junior high school, I ever as wreckage collector to got more money and even my foot looked like beuleumhuior the black burnt cassava. And when I was undergraduate, I ever as marbot or cleaning service in mosque. But, those conditions are not happened just at me. Many young people in (My city) felt same thing, even more sad ending. We do not mourning at our past life as Abdurahman Wahid as Fourth Indonesian President said "mourning your fate never change anything. But, keep going make you priceless". Yes, at my past of my life, I was created my path to never give up.

And for the next part of my life, I hope that I can be spawning this successful to other people in my city that I live in, (my city). Many youth people in (my city) want to get good experiences for both academic and skill in science but limited by their financial and institute facilities. They want to get a professional career as researchers at a young age, its futuristic idea. So, at least they must go to vocational school in senior high school. But the most vocational school in Indonesia dominated by automotive and computer fields. As agriculture county, Indonesia just has 60 agriculture vocational schools included one in (my city). Indonesia needs agriculture vocational with wide aspect covered.

So, my plan is to create vocational senior high school biotechnology based on agriculture to increase competitiveness Indonesia in the demography bonus era. Agriculture based technology is certainly needed by all industry including medical, food, environment Biotechnology is important tools to encourage industries in Indonesia. This country needs the generation which has good capacity and confident to enrich this nation, to be Zambrud Katulistiwa.

The wise man says "do not give him a fish, give him a fishhook" with the intention that the person gets the expertise so he gets more fish for his and can share the same to others. In other words, my successful at above is part of a chain of success for this generation.

quietly_me 1 / 3  
Jun 13, 2017   #2
Everyone has a different meaning for success in their life
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15384  
Jun 13, 2017   #3
Tessa, unfortunately without the original prompt requirement for the scholarship, that is the instruction about what you are supposed to write about in the essay (subject of the essay), I can't really help you better edit the content of your paper. I am unclear as to what the correct discussion should be because you only gave the title of the essay that you developed instead of the instructions for writing the essay. The way that you wrote this tells me that you either used an online translator for the essay or you translated from the literal meaning of your original language. Regardless of how you wrote this essay in English, the fact remains that you did not do a very good job at writing this essay because it doesn't make any sense to the reader most of the time. This is because of certain phrases and words that you used, such as "Because as homo socious." Which is only a phrase and not a complete sentence. I strongly suggest that you look into our services and work with me directly on the proper development of your personal statement. We can do better work there than here at the forum since you will have my undivided attention there and I can help you clean up the language of the essay as well as improve the content to give you a better chance at gaining this scholarship.


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