Describe Personal/Engineering Interests and Career Goals

Hello all,

This is my first time using this forum, and I was wondering if anybody could help me edit/proofread my essay.

The question states, "Describe your interest in engineering along with your personal interests and career goals, and how they relate. (500 word maximum)*".

Here's what I got so far,

From a very young age, I've always been curious as to how things work. As a child, my father ran a small computer repair business out of our basement, and I have fond memories helping him troubleshoot, repair and build computers for his clients. Not only did I make more money repairing computers than I would've cutting grass, but these experiences had peaked my interests in computers, electronics and just about everything electrical. As I grew older other interests began to surface. Throughout high school I became very interested in mathematics and physics. The fact that numbers could quantify and evaluate the world around is not only something that I found interesting, but also very powerful. It was exciting to think that I could model, analyze and understand real world systems using mathematics and physics. Upon entering university, I chose to pursue electrical engineering because it was a perfect marriage between all of my primary interests, all contained within an exciting, innovative and challenging field.

My engineering interests within the field of electrical engineering are at their core are centered around the subject of power and energy systems. In fact, upon completion of my final upcoming academic year, I will graduate with a specialized degree within the Power and Energy Systems focus area. This subject area focuses on concepts and systems used in the generation, transmission, delivery, utilization, storage and control of electric power and energy. Aside from a general curiosity for all things related to power systems, my primary interests are related to the applications of power electronics in power systems. Innovations and advancements within the field of power electronics and its associated technologies have allowed for monumental advancements in a variety of other technologies such as the still emerging and increasingly popular HVDC transmission systems. As a resident of the province of Manitoba I have a very unique and privileged opportunity to work alongside one of the Canada's largest utilities and world-renowned leader in the research and development of HVDC transmission systems, Manitoba Hydro.

Upon completion of my undergraduate degree, I plan on continuing my education by pursuing a Master's degree in the field of power and energy systems. More specifically, I plan to study and research new and upcoming HVDC converter technologies, and further facilitate their implementation into today's ever expanding power grid. In addition to obtaining my Masters degree, I also plan on working in industry in order further solidify my engineering education with real world engineering experiences. Finally, I aspire to one day start my own engineering consultant firm and actively participate and contribute to HVDC developments around the world.

The essay starts off well---I learn something about YOU---and then degenerates into little more than jargon.

Okay, can you offer some constructive criticism as to how to prevent it from degenerating into jargon? Which parts do you feel I should change, and how?

I tried to break it into three sections, the first paragraph being my personal interests, the second my engineering interests and the final one my career goals.

I look forward to your response!

Well, you say that your "primary interests are related to the applications of power electronics in power systems." Why does power electronics interest you more than, say, basketball does? You might discuss one or two specific applications and why you find them worthy of your time and study.

If you read your first paragraph aloud, wait 30 seconds, and then read the second one, you'll see just how much less personal the second one is.


This structure is fine but as I said the essay has to be about YOU.

With regard to your last paragraph, how will you (NOT engineers in general) change the world through your work? How will you change the lives of real people?

.... change the order to have more prominence to your involvement;
As a child, I remember how I enjoyed helping my father with troubleshooting, repairing and fixing computers of his clients in our little computer service station in the basement.


.... this seems a good structure and sounds very logical. You have written it well, but try to add some emotions to your writing to make it more appealing for the reader.