Design in Architecture - AAS Scholarship - Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?

Hello, would appreciate any tips on how to improve my essay. Thanks.

Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?

I have decided to undertake the Bachelor of Design in Architecture as a means of advancing my education and skills needed for pursing my career in the field of Architecture. The University of Sydney has always intrigued me with their track record of consistently being ranked among the top architecture programs in the country and globally, making it my top choice. In addition, I am also considering The University of Melbourne which has recently risen to the top position in national rankings for its Architecture program. While attending my technical drawing classes in high school, my interests grew for the craft of designing which carried on with me while completing my Diploma in Architectural Drafting at the Fiji National University. Starting my career as a Draftsperson in one of Fiji's more established firms, I realised this is something I have a passion for and would like to equip myself with more knowledge and sharpen my skill set to one day become a Registered Architect. However, to become one, a Bachelor's Degree or higher is required. Fiji, being a developing country does not offer this degree. When conducting my extensive research, the University of Sydney and the University of Melbourne stood out to me as they both provide educational excellence with world-renowned teachers, researchers and high achieving students. Their state of the art facilities also offer a wide range of equipment and learning resources to maximise creativity, critical thinking and practical skills. Both universities also have high graduate employability with global opportunities to study and further excel. Lastly, the diversity of ethnic groups in Australia creates an abundant source of inspiration and knowledge for individuals in a learning environment, making it impossible to restrict oneself to a single perspective. In, summary, the institutions I have chosen provide the optimal chances for me to enhance my abilities and accomplish my professional aspirations.

Remove your references to the university rankings in the presentation. You do not have to remind the reviewer about that. It is actually not a consideration for accepting a student in the AAS system. Showing that you researched the university choice, instead of basing the choice on academic and personal considerations does not work in this instance. It is also not a good idea to indicate that you did extensive research on the universities. I noticed that you mentioned that, but failed to put actual qualifiers for your choices. What was your criteria for choosing the university? More specifics, less vagueness. You are merely repeating researched information, which is not good for your application.

you should more focus on connecting your academic background/professional experience to your motivation on choosing the course and major rather than explaining university's discography. you can also state architecture issues that you found to make your motivation have more strength.