I am an African American female, known to to be the most disadvantaged to the human race, but I bed to differ. I will rise above the discouraging statistics. I'm sort of a rebel, but I'm sure that comes as no surprise. According to history, we rebel against the white man, according to the white man, we rebel against authority. People have always accused me of being racially confused. Maybe I am, but because I'm so contentious I accuse them of being confused of the word race. I do not choose those I surround myself with based on their skin color, I'm not that shallow. I choose those I surround myself with based on common interest and intellect. I've always joined clubs in anticipation of growing from them, and adopting admirable way from admirable people. Unfortunately; I've been the minority in every club I've actively participated in. Because of my resulted group of friends, I've been labeled the "Oreo." "Oreo," is a term used to describe an African American who portrays him/herself as a white person. I find this term to be slightly offensive and very ignorant. Yes, I know every lyric to any given John Mayer song, I'm obsessed with organic tea, I can't dance, I'd choose attending a bonfire over the club any day. Contradicting myself, I'm extremely environmental friendly, and extremely vexatious about it to an offender. I know exactly who I am and what I believe in, and that is what defines me; not a statistic, anyone's expectation, or the color of my skin. I'm proud of who I am because I know I'll become something even greater. I have dreams that statistics say are impossible to reach. Fortunately for me, that's not something I choose to believe in.
'the most disadvantaged to the human race' - freewrite essay scholarship
This is a great essay that really shows your individuality and your struggles with prejudice.
That being said, I think you could make it even more powerful: " known to to be the most disadvantaged to the human race" could be said better and more powerfully. *beg to differ, not 'bed'
the sentence "According to history, we rebel against the white man, according to the white man, we rebel against authority." is interesting but could be a little alienating to a white reader--maybe focus more on rebelling against the status quo or people who believe that you're inferior. don't call yourself contentious, that's a bad thing! you can frame this more like "i question this type of narrow-minded thinking, asking people if really, they're not the ones who are confused." you don't have to censor yourself--the term oreo is not just slightly offensive, it is totally offensive. i like the list of things you do, it's very diverse...what do you mean by 'contradicting myself'? you could tighten up that sentence.. and i really like the end, it's very powerful.
i hope my comments helped!
That being said, I think you could make it even more powerful: " known to to be the most disadvantaged to the human race" could be said better and more powerfully. *beg to differ, not 'bed'
the sentence "According to history, we rebel against the white man, according to the white man, we rebel against authority." is interesting but could be a little alienating to a white reader--maybe focus more on rebelling against the status quo or people who believe that you're inferior. don't call yourself contentious, that's a bad thing! you can frame this more like "i question this type of narrow-minded thinking, asking people if really, they're not the ones who are confused." you don't have to censor yourself--the term oreo is not just slightly offensive, it is totally offensive. i like the list of things you do, it's very diverse...what do you mean by 'contradicting myself'? you could tighten up that sentence.. and i really like the end, it's very powerful.
i hope my comments helped!
Your comments were super helpful!!