Discuss the disappointments, failure, or risks in your life so far and your responses to them

the love to languages born inside of me

Hello!
I'm going to apply for a scholarship, and I have to write a personal statement, the instructions were:
-Discuss the disappointments, failure, or risks in your life so far and your responses to them.
So I wrote this:

Disappointments, mistakes and failures are all what humans may come across throughout the course of life, they maybe are really painful that people sometimes tend to give up; however, once someone know how to handle them and how to take advantage of them, they may actually contribute in the success of anyone, and they may even change their life.

I don't know whether to call it a mistake, or disappointment , and maybe both, but all I know is that it did changed my life. Let me take you back to my early middle school days, I was not that brilliant student, but I was a hard worker one, I used to take good care of my studies and do my best to study every single module except for one, English. English was my nightmare, I used to hate it so much and got the worst marks among my classmates, I only knew the meaning the "yes/No" words along with other very few basic words. Thought I was very good at French, but English was not my cup of tea. Once during exams, specifically French exam, my classmates came to me asking for help, not to revise but to give them answers during the day of exam. I accepted to help them though I knew it was cheating, because they kept begging me and because they promised to help me in English, so thanks to me they did well in French. However, on the day of English exam they abandoned me and neglected me completely, and as a result, I got a zero in English. Actually, having a zero in English didn't really hurt me, but the behavior of my classmates towards me Was the most painful thing to me, I thought it would have been better if they didn't promise me at all than to do this to me. I still remember how much anger, regret and disappointed I was, especially when they told me that the reason behind what they have done was my poor English level, so it would be obvious that I cheated if I get a very good mark all of a sudden. I decided to give them a lesson, so on summer, I started studying English on my own, using books, web sites and videos and I did everything I could to improve my English. So when we got back to school, I didn't tell anyone that I studied English, and I even didn't participate in any of the class discussions. On the day of exams , I did very well and got the best mark in my class ( 18/20 ) . Everyone was shocked even the teacher who thought at first the I cheated. I still remember that look my classmates had in their faces when I said to them:" see!? I have a poor English level, but I still got the best mark without cheating !" .

In every time I think about what happened to me that year, I feel happy to see that I have improved a lot in English and I even chose to study it at university. Actually, that incident changes my future, and now that I had so much fun learning English and all the the new things I experienced because of it, and the great opportunities I had, I now feel thankful to my classmates for what happened that time, and I believe it was because of this that the love of learning new languages was created inside of me.

@Bluemoom
Hi friend. Perhaps we are on the same boat.

Anyways, its 'that I cheated' in 'even the teacher who thought at first the I cheated'.
Furthermore, it seemed to me as a bit childish. You are applying for graduate school, right? Using sentences like "they kept begging to me" or "I still remember that look my classmates had in their faces" might pass for a grade schooler but using them now at this age just shows you couldn't get over with that anger/hatred. Its not a formal way of writing. You should correct it.

Hope it helps :)

@eiriashhar
I wanted to use a very simple language that describes the situation, but if it is so, then I'll use something else :)
thank you :)

Moon, you need to be direct to the point when you respond to the essay. It would be best if you remove the lengthy opening statement with simply the start of your narrative. The reviewer doesn't need to waste his time reading your definition of failure and the transition into the story itself. Just get to the point because the reviewer doesn't have the time to waste reading preparatory statements. While I do not think that this essay will be very good for you, mostly because you showed that you agreed to help your classmates cheat and colleges have an honor code that ask the student to not cheat nor help others cheat, the essay does have some merits. I am just worried that the topic you chose could be focused upon by the admissions committee because the story you shared could influence the image that they will have about you as a student. If you were willing to help students cheat then, what will stop you from helping them cheat now and in the future? If it were up to me, I would ask you to change the whole story because of the possibility that you could get rejected for admission based upon the story that you told. However, if you feel that this is the best story that you can share which depicts the prompt requirements, then use this story. I am just not confident that it will work in your favor. Who knows though, the admissions committee just might see some merits to your story that will change their minds or consideration of their honor ethics with regards to your admission.

@Holt
Hmmm I see . The problem is that I don't have any other stories that talks about disappointments or failures, I have never failed something, and this is the story that really led me to learn English, but if you think so, I this I'd better say : helped them to revise before the exam. What do you think?