I need help in editing and critiques please. Its a scholarship for UTA and I need to "Discuss personal and family Financial Need." Thanks.
I remember when I was an elementary school child going into second grade, my parents had transferred me into private school. It wasn't only me but my brothers as well. My parents weren't in high end paying jobs or some professional doctor, but they were extremely caring and hard-working. As far back as I can remember they have never failed in trying to support the family to the best of their ability, even if it meant working longer and more tediously.
Sometimes it would be long enough that I wouldn't even be able to have more than a simple greeting with my father. Since I gained another two siblings, supporting four kids have gotten more difficult, especially since my father is the only one working now to provide for all six of us. My mother is always busy driving us around to school and taking care of my other siblings. She wouldn't even rest after she had given birth to my younger sister. Right now, my mother can barely walk; after she had given birth her bones have weakened and also have internal problems that need surgery. Because of their certain lifestyle, I worry over my parent's health since they are always stressed out financially. Recently, I didn't even realize we were in so much debt and that business isn't going so well for my father, who is our only financial support. My father was able to tell me about our financial situation when he needed my help on a business trip. We were able to talk some and it was basically about his expectations for me and how he will support me in paying for what I need while I go to school.
They have done so much and tried so hard for me. They have given me so much support, which makes me reluctant to ask them for things. I feel awful when I hand them the bills for books and other expenses for school. Although, I cannot do much right now, I would at least like to lessen their load.
Their determined sacrifice for me has allowed me to experience a lot in my community and in leadership. My active participation has really made me determined and more outgoing. All this hype I hope to bring with me for the rest of my life even when I become a doctor. I want my parents to be proud and feel fulfilling that what they did for me did not go to waste. Already, I have prepared what I need to do to get ready for medical school that I have even planned to self study for topics on the MCAT by going to the library every day during the summer like I did last year. I know that even though it will take a while to become what I want to be, which is to be a doctor, I will do it well.
Becoming a doctor takes up a bit of money, and I know that I will incur quite a bit of debt. I wouldn't be too fond of paying off debts while I am going to be a student and to do so during medical school. Regardless of price, I want to get into a prestigious top medical school where I will feel proud of myself and by taking on new challenges at different levels. This, I am sure, is what my parents hope for me as well.
My parents weren't in high end paying jobs or some professional doctors, but they were extremely caring and hard-working.
Sometimes it would be long time where I wouldn't even be able to have more than a simple greeting with my father.
Since I gained another two siblings, supporting four kids has gotten more difficult, especially since my father is the only one working now to provide for all six of us.
Right now, my mother can barely walk; after she had given birth, her bones have weakened and also she also has internal problems that need surgery.
I want my parents to be proud and feel fulfilled that what they did for me did not go to waste.
Already, I have prepared what I need to do to get ready for medical school, and have even planned to self study for topics on the MCAT by going to the library...
Great heartfelt essay. I hope everything works out for you, good luck in school!
: )
You can pack all the sentences power into a quick punch:
I remember when I was an elementary school child going into second grade, m My parents had transferred me into private school when I transitioned into the second grade. It wasn't only me but my brothers as well. My parents weren't in high end paying jobs, nor were they wealthy entrepreneurs or successful physicians -- but they were extremely caring and hard-working.
How about like that? :-)
