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'engineers or doctors' - factors that shaped my world


andrewbyeun 1 / -  
Jul 22, 2012   #1
please check over and rate. it'd also be nice if you could help out with the conclusion, thanks.

Moo. A three letter, one syllable word defined by the dictionary as "The characteristic deep vocal sound of a cow", my legal name has made me grimace when brought up ever since my move to the United States. Made fun of by classmates every single first day of school throughout my life, I've always asked myself why my mother did not write Andrew, my American name, or at least include the second part of my Korean name, Hyun, while filling out my legal documents.

Throughout my entire life, I can remember always being a little different from the kids around me. From subjects such as my name, what sport I played, to my parents' jobs, I often felt uncomfortable joining certain conversations because what I could talk about was significantly different from what the others were discussing.

Living in Silicon Valley and being surrounded by classmates whose parents are mainly engineers or doctors, I found it hard as a child to answer the simple question of "What do your parents do?" with an equally straightforward answer of "They own a liquor store" without fear of being judged. As I passed the age of 16 and my father started allowing me to come to the store more and more to help out (as long as I promised not to touch the alcohol), I started to witness what sort of hardships he and my mother were going through to continue my education in America. Knowing that he came to America as the manager of Daewoo, the second largest conglomerate in South Korea, and watching him fill up a walk-in cooler at a temperature of 38 degrees, often coming home at two in the morning, I realized just how lucky I am to have the parents that I do. Now unembarrassed and unafraid of the judgement of others, I can proudly answer any question about my parents' jobs because I know that nothing in the world can topple my image of my parents as my heroes.

Being home alone for the majority of my high school life, I tried out a bunch of different sports. While most of my friends played football or basketball, I realized that nothing could replace boxing for me. Having watched the "sweet science" with my father my entire life, I finally decided to join a boxing gym and begin training two years ago. Spending most of my free time in a gym not even in my area, I found that boxing truly is the loneliest sport in the world. Completely independent and requiring complete devotion to the sport in order to do well, boxing brought about many positive changes in my life. It is linked to my life in numerous ways, including keeping me healthy and fit after my weight loss of 45 pounds, and providing me with self confidence and the ability to defend myself.

Although there are many factors that shape my world, the qualities of me that I consider unique construct the foundation on which my dreams lie. These divergences are what have made me who I am today and are what push me forward each step of becoming a successful individual.
Nrivera 2 / 1  
Jul 22, 2012   #2
You are going very good. As a conclusion I recommend you to comment something about:
1. Your attitude: it determines how far you can go in life.
2. Physical and mental health: It has helped you to complete your goals.


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