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The first Asian House representative in United Sates, McDonald Scholarship Essay



whoau49 4 / 10  
Jan 19, 2010   #1
-Applicants must submit a personal statement that provides information about their community involvement, career goals and desire to contribute to their community. Information about unique, personal or financial circumstances may be added.

My childhood fantasies always navigated around those in devoid of reality. I was Spiderman in one instance and a Power Ranger as the next -whoever held power and prestige and seemed incredible I fancied and labeled as my future career awaiting. Now climbing up to my adulthood, I laugh at those naïve and childlike imagination yet still hunger for those similar heroic traits in the future title I wish to achieve: the first Asian House representative in United Sates Congress.

I aspire to be a Congressman for he is the emblem of the nation itself; he symbolizes the link between the government and its people by establishing a rapport with all types of them -mothers, house makers, teachers and students- and represents power by listening to their every concern and proposing bills to fix the problem correctly. He can even raise funds for a new bridge or a public library. On one occasion I read about a Congressman who assisted an entire town to move several miles so it would no longer be threatened by floods. He is a genuine hero for me and countless others -his name forever remembered in American history -but most unfortunately, he is foremost a white American.

Our government is predominately white, where history has never recorded Asian American man to partake in such great political and federal power. Asians have not yet branched throughout the hearts of American politics and for many, this idea has been doubted or not been thought out prior. This is the truth I ache to challenge. It is what needs to be changed. Just like President Obama who was the first of his kind; I yearn to give a larger scope of meaning to my people in this country by bridging them and their political institutions together. I want to do it for the change, for the hope that I can contribute to my community

I strolled along my local park on one rainy evening when I noticed a handful of homeless men managing hunger from the trash scavenged in the dumps. Some even slept while tasting the rain that fell into their lips. Their teeth rotten, clothes and flesh suited for bacteria and disease; they are the crucial people that have to be protected and cared for, and if I had the influence to change it, I will manage a shelter just for their need.

Personally I want to create more parking lots for the handicapped. When driving with my disabled mother, the blue parking spaces are always limited or filled. We cannot find spaces and are forced to park in the corner, where my mother suffers from her physical fatigue. This burden is very common among the handicaps, and the special parking space easily loses its function and its meaning.

Maybe the greatest adversity in becoming a House member is that path to reach it. Primarily a strong education is a must. During my educational career, I want to discover how to connect to a multicolored society and its needs by taking courses in communication, thus earning my people's votes and trust to a House member who is unheard of. I aim to learn about political science and government for the profession and afterwards enroll in a graduate school to learn American legislature and court cases. By then the requirements for a Congressman will be met, the beginning of my career. My fantasy shall be a reality, and once there, a new challenge unfolds.

-much criticism and hate intended. Please destroy and rip my essay apart

ubr001 2 / 8  
Jan 19, 2010   #2
HI, I tried to reply to your essay yesterday and by the time I did the work below, your essay had been removed from the site and I could not find it. Now I see you made many changes yourself already. Below is what I would have said on the first version. Maybe you can use some of this information as a guideline to apply on your current version. Also, Im not sure you really mean the word "hate" in your phrase "much criticism and hate intended. Please destroy and rip my essay apart" at the end of essay. Good luck!

Please describe your personal and educational goals. What challenges have you faced that have helped shaped those goals? How have you dealt with those challenges? (500 hundred words max)

This is my suggestion:

My childhood fantasies always revolved around the excitement and intrigue held by characters with super human powers. Spiderman and Power Ranger were my favorites. They seemed invincible and all I ever wanted was to be like them. Now that I have grown older and come to separate fantasy from reality, I find that I still crave the heroic traits I so admired in my childhood heroes.

I have realized that although I will never have the super human strengths of Spiderman, I do have some outstanding qualities, and although I may not be able to swing from building to building, saving people from destruction, I am able to apply my strengths to a real life career and the one I feel I would be the most satisfied with is to be the first Asian House Representative in the United States Political System.

This position is an emblem of our great nation. It is the inventor of our laws and the messenger who brings them forth to a population of three hundred million people. It represents the power I seek in its ability to listen to the cries of the people and forge the bills to fight for their suffering.

Our government is predominately white. Asians have not yet branched throughout the American political system. In my opinion, this is what needs to be changed. I wish to be the one to change that in whatever little way I can. Just as President Obama is the first African American to achieve the almighty position of leader of the free world, so do I yearn to give a larger scope of meaning to my people in this country by bridging them and their political institutions together.

The greatest obstacle to realizing an Asian member of The House lies in the very path that it takes to reach it. Education and a strong "voice" are required. I wish to design my career around the discovery of how to connect to a multi-racial society and its needs.

By achieving advanced education and experience in Communications, Law, Political Science and other relevant subjects, I intend to earn my people's votes. My fantasy will be a reality, and I will finally have achieved the "super powers" I desired for so long.
OP whoau49 4 / 10  
Jan 19, 2010   #3
Wow i never knew a person would go this far for my essay. Thanks so much. Brilliant i call it. Will make changes right away!!


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