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Food Science - New Zealand scholarship skills

sastradamar 1 / -  
Mar 8, 2019   #1
Hai everyone, needs some feedback on my essay for scholarship.
is it good enough to qualify the scholarship?

What skills and knowledge do you hope to gain from your proposed study?

If I got selected to become an awardee of the New Zealand Scholarship, I specifically hope to acquire knowledge related to food science in New Zealand. As we know that New Zealand main source of income comes from agriculture, especially meat and dairy products. It is a good opportunity for me to experience the food industry processes from farm to consumer's table, and how New Zealand's food scientist ensuring the safety and quality of the product, from basic knowledge of food safety to the advance and high-tech knowledge of food safety. Also, gain an understanding of keeping all the processes happen according to the requirements and regulations.

In term of the skills, I feel that I need to develop my skill in food safety and quality because not only it is one of the major things need to be developed in Indonesia but it also an important aspect for everyone to get a safe and high-quality meal to be consumed. Since I have a dream to be a food safety researcher, it will be a good opportunity to have quality control analysis skills such as conducting tests and inspections of products or processes to evaluate the quality and safety of the products. Another skill I would like to have is an understanding of the implications of new information for both current and future problem-solving and decision-making so it still meets the standardize requirements and regulation of food safety.

1 essay at a time

Holt - / 7,546 2001  
Mar 9, 2019   #2
Damarps, remove the first paragraph from this response. Instead, focus on developing your second paragraph because the information you placed there is relevant and directly related to the question being asked. You have to make sure that you fully explain yourself using the information in the second paragraph as the basis. Use the information about the program that you know will be relevant to your skills development. Explain why developing those skills will be relevant to your future profession. The reviewer needs to be convinced that you are familiar with the program and the benefits that it offers the student. By showing a familiarity that aligns with your career progression, you will be able to convince the reviewer that you are serious about completing this course. You have the topic sentences spelled out in the second paragraph, develop those into well explained paragraphs to meet the prompt requirement.
ahy071 1 / 2  
Mar 11, 2019   #3
focus on your second paragraph. Try to expand the expected skill and knowledge and their relevance to your development and career prospects.

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