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Gender Gaps in the Workplace (AAS Supporting Statement)

rosanna89 1 / 2  
Mar 19, 2021   #1
Hi, everyone. This is my draft essay for the first question of AAS Application:

Why did you choose your proposed course and institution*?

(2000 chars)

Please give some feedback about my essay! Thank you very much.


When the COVID-19 outbreak happen, we do everything remotely: working and schooling from home. This experiences are difficult as the line between home and work is blurred. I believe this is common to happen to many women; they are expected to do domestic work and child care, meanwhile also expected to meet her target at office. Women carry a disproportionate share of unpaid care work which lead to the raising of stress, anxiety, and ultimately resulting in burnout. The implication of this condition are demotivation, decline in work performance, and dropout of the workforce. Unfortunately, there are little to no interest by the managers and policy makers in my organization to support women who are in the vulnerable position.

I propose to study Master in Human Resource and Employee Relation (MHRER) in University of Western Australia (UWA). I believe pursuing MHRER will put the gender issue into perspective of HRM. HRM has an important role to create an organization culture that support work-life balance to maintain employee's health and motivation. In the course structure, Diversity and Inclusion unit is essential to get a better understanding about how to increase gender-inclusive workplace. I would also get a broader view about how to design a work model that benefit women who work from home during and after the pandemic.

UWA also has lecturers that I am looking forward to be their students because they are specializing in women issues and workplace diversity, the implementation of work/life balance policies, and employee's well-being, which are all matched with my interest of study. One of the lecturer is Professor Alison Preston who did research study about gender equality during and after COVID-19 which is aligned with my proposed study. I believe, the unique combination between the course's units and research interest of the lecturers is best to develop my knowledge and skills about HRM.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447  
Mar 20, 2021   #2
Believe me when I tell you that the reviewers this year are Covid-19 saturated. Every applicant has been using that topic and forcing a relation to their application response to it. As if Covid - 19 is the only valid reason to try and accomplish or have something influenced these days. They are tired of that constant reference, that constant reason, that common topic. It no longer helps an application to build a statement around that because it is already a run of the mill excuse / topic. Use of personal reasons, the topics that do not relate to the pandemic and shows a clear interest, rather than just jumping on the bandwagon on the applicant's part is what makes an impression these days. By using only the combined course and university reference paragraphs, you have managed to create an interesting discussion of the course and proposed institution. What you need, it a more impressive, more personal, more multi-dimensional presentation of your interest in the career path. Right now, you lack that impressive opening paragraph. There is no interesting hook, only a tired Covid - 19 reference that is not really connected to the interests that you have. Focus on Work from Home, consider the return to work in an office space scenario for your opening statement. Show that you know there will be a new normal in the workplace and that you are preparing for that instead.
OP rosanna89 1 / 2  
Mar 20, 2021   #3
Holt, thank you very much for the valuable input!

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