I am applying for a Tomorrow's Leaders Scholarships. Please revise them grammatically and help me to make any improvements. Unfortunately, the deadline is Dec. 31, 2012 so I don't have much time. I'd be grateful if you check them soon. I am waiting your respond ASAP.
Essay : This scholarship program is called "Tomorrow's Leaders." Describe in 250-300 words how you envision playing a leadership role at the university and after you graduate.
What does leadership mean? Does it have synonyms such as administration or authority as the dictionaries claim? Is it the ability of a superior to influence the behavior of (those who believe in him/her) a group of people to follow a particular course of actions? It's so controversial. However, leadership to me is the actions we accomplish to make the world a better place without focusing on seeking positions or other leading purposes.
Therefore, I am willing to show potential for distinction in the academic performance and social life. The best way to do so is getting engaged in various activities with diversity of students to absorb the beauty of each culture. (That's why) I am planning to organize events for raising funds to support the education of less privileged children. (As I know what they've been through, hence I can relate to their struggles) I have been through this problem. Joining clubs and holding awareness sessions would be another option to help improving student's skills to present a cadre of tolerant, well-educated and open-minded people to community. (Because) inspiring others to search for knowledge kindles my own quest to understand the world and people around me.
Beside the involvement in academic and leadership positions, I am active in athletics and ranked as a very good swimmer according to my city club. I intend to participate in swimming contests. I am determined also to join or organize a theatrical band to offer shadow shows.
As a patriotic leader, after graduation I will come back home to serve my country. This would be done through giving the young a chance to enjoy the fruits of science and technology by holding sessions in schools to present science (in a fascinating way) compellingly.
Getting involved in such activities can help me gaining the necessary skills to succeed, but getting involved to get connected (but getting involved to build connections with people) can be even more beneficial.
Essay : This scholarship program is called "Tomorrow's Leaders." Describe in 250-300 words how you envision playing a leadership role at the university and after you graduate.
What does leadership mean? Does it have synonyms such as administration or authority as the dictionaries claim? Is it the ability of a superior to influence the behavior of (those who believe in him/her) a group of people to follow a particular course of actions? It's so controversial. However, leadership to me is the actions we accomplish to make the world a better place without focusing on seeking positions or other leading purposes.
Therefore, I am willing to show potential for distinction in the academic performance and social life. The best way to do so is getting engaged in various activities with diversity of students to absorb the beauty of each culture. (That's why) I am planning to organize events for raising funds to support the education of less privileged children. (As I know what they've been through, hence I can relate to their struggles) I have been through this problem. Joining clubs and holding awareness sessions would be another option to help improving student's skills to present a cadre of tolerant, well-educated and open-minded people to community. (Because) inspiring others to search for knowledge kindles my own quest to understand the world and people around me.
Beside the involvement in academic and leadership positions, I am active in athletics and ranked as a very good swimmer according to my city club. I intend to participate in swimming contests. I am determined also to join or organize a theatrical band to offer shadow shows.
As a patriotic leader, after graduation I will come back home to serve my country. This would be done through giving the young a chance to enjoy the fruits of science and technology by holding sessions in schools to present science (in a fascinating way) compellingly.
Getting involved in such activities can help me gaining the necessary skills to succeed, but getting involved to get connected (but getting involved to build connections with people) can be even more beneficial.