GKS - PERSONAL STATEMENT URBAN PLANNING/ENGINEERING

Hi! I'm going to apply for GKS-G this year. Here is my Personal Statement. Please help me to improve my essay.
Thank you!

GKS PERSONAL STATEMENT

- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Educational background
- Significant experiences you have had; persons or events that have had a significant influence on you
- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc

Growing up, my dad would always tell me his story about how he earned his degree despite being financially unstable. He told me how important education is in life as it leads to a better life and that happened to him. His story taught me a lot about life, including the importance of seizing every opportunity and never giving up on my dreams, no matter how difficult they may be. He taught me to be a self-assured woman who stood on her own two feet and did not rely on others by believing in any decisions I made. His teaching nurtured me to be an independent woman, and I have been living independently since high school.

I then took an undergraduate study in Urban Planning because of my interest in city planning and management. I engaged myself in various activities that could improve my skills. In my first and second years, I joined student associations, where I led a treasurer team responsible for managing the organization's finances. I also actively participated in every group assignment as a team leader and member, since almost all of the assignments were done in groups. I also took part in a variety of projects, like being a member of a surveyor team that collected and processed data and being a member of a report maker team that assisted in the formation of local regulations.

In my final year of study, I joined my professor's research team and was able to write my thesis on the *****. Throughout the writing, I learned a lot about sustainable urban planning, particularly in public open spaces. I learned that public open space is the only place where people can interact with others for free, and how the pandemic has affected them. With the help of my professor, my thesis was presented at '**** International Conference' which was attended by various universities from both within the country and overseas, such as from Malaysia. My thesis was praised for its interesting topic and was published in my university journal. After graduation, I started to work with my professor as a research assistant to publish a paper about sustainable heritage tourism following the COVID-19 pandemic. The paper then was submitted to *******.

During my study, I realized that in Indonesia, planning is still driven by the high demand for urbanization rather than what people need. As a result, there are a large number of slum areas and other problems that lower the quality of life in communities and are harmful to the environment and society's sustainability. Then I once came across an article about how South Korea transformed its highway into a public open space (Cheonggyecheon Stream). I was fascinated by South Korea's willingness to challenge its urban master plan in order to restore the stream rather than preserve the highway for vehicles. This sparked my interest in learning more about the South Korean government's urban planning strategy for managing its cities, as public open space is one of the city's important instruments for improving the quality of life and ensuring the city's sustainability.

I also learned that being an urban planner means having a strong desire to prioritize people and their needs. It will be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to learn firsthand how South Korea creates such a sustainable city that prioritizes what people need. I was also impressed by the education system in South Korea, as it is considered to be one of the best-educated countries in the world, with highly reputable universities throughout the country. South Korea is also known to have high-achieving students who play a role in the country's fast-growing economy, innovation, and technology. I believe that studying in South Korea will help me broaden my perspective and knowledge to achieve my future goals, and I will not give up until I do.

The personal statement is weak as it does not present information in relation to the professional experience of the applicant. The focus is mostly on undergraduate studies, which is considered as a part of the application but, is one of the weakest considerations of the reviewers. The reviewers are looking for seasoned professionals who have already accomplished and established themselves as potential leaders in their profession. Something that the applicant fails to provide in this essay.

The overall content is too unprofessional and lacking in impressive qualifications based upon work experience and forward planning for goals related to the current career path of the applicant. It is more applicable to a secondary college course application rather than to a GKS masters scholarship application. It not a personal statement that could move the application forward. It does not support any strong documentation that might be presented by the applicant to the review committee.