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Goal in life/medicine scholarship essay


RyanVi16 12 / 91  
Dec 28, 2011   #1
I have no idea what is the specified length for the essay but I feel like this is too long. Im using this essay for about 6-7 scholarships i'm applying to with similar prompts: 1) Reflect your goal in life and how this scholarship will help you 2) Reflect your goal in medicine and how this scholarship will help you (very similar prompts). I think I should cut 200 words but I'm not sure where to start. Be harsh since this is my first draft. Thank you,

My stomach gave an awful sound but I disregarded the petty pain. I felt my left cheek, still sore. "That woman will never hit me again." I swore aloud yet still hesitated by the decision of running away from home. I looked around; it was 11 PM and the road was still wet from the earlier storm. I dragged my feet across the muddy winding path that led to nowhere.

My stomach growled again, only this time the pain was worse. I reached for the nearest pole and rested my arm on the frigid metal. "Oh no, not now," I closed my eyes and tried not to picture my intestine being gored by a knife. I looked around and hoped to see a random late night pedestrian. But it was too late; my body already hit the ground and my right arm quivered from the agony. All of my senses shut down except for the excruciating pain.

A bright light approached me. If there were a dramatic sound effect in the background, I would have thought that I was dying and the light was coming for me as the final gift from God. I felt someone touch my shoulder but could not distinguish what the voice was saying.

"Hey...kid... are you... ok?"
I could barely make out a silhouette of a man behind my eyelashes.

"I'm calling an ambulance." The man reached into his pocket but I stopped him before he could dial the number.
"Don't. I don't... have money for the...hospital..." I tried to ignore the pain but it was impossible.
"Don't worry kid, I'm a doctor," he said.
Oh a doctor huh, lucky me. My consciousness finally gave up. The ambulance raced through the silent night and took me to the most dreadful place, the hospital.

I never like doctor. They make children cry yet ironically, they suppose to save lives. All the rich boys in my neighborhood always boast that they want to become physicians but can never explain to me the reason when I ask except for the fact that their parents told them to. Yes, noble jobs only for rich people. An ordinary peasant like me should focus on how to survive without being killed by the society first. The last thing I wanted was to become a doctor.

"You finally wake up eh, gee, you've been asleep for 24 hours." The man chuckled.
24 hours? I will never sleep again. There he was, the man wearing a white lab coach that I thought only existed on TV. I think the last time I have seen a real flesh doctor is eleven years ago in a birth center.

"Sorry for the trouble, I promise to pay back the medicine money," I murmured, embarrassed to look at the man who just saved my life.

"Don't worry about it kid, what you're gonna do to pay back? Polishing shoes?" He chuckled again only this time he put a stethoscope against my stomached. The metal head was so cold that it made me flinch. Polishing shoes? That was not the first job on my list but that did not sound so bad.

"I tried to call your foster parents but they did not come, I can take you home when I'm sure you are ok, don't worry, just a minor infection," he said.

"Minor infection huh?" And here I thought it was an epic near death experience that I could tell my grandchildren about. And I don't want to go back; after all I risked my life to run away from it in the first place. He did take me back despite of my pleading, crying, and begging for mercy and I did pay dearly for trying to runaway.

I came back to the clinic the next day however, not to learn the meaning of life or to know the definition of Acroosteolysis, I just don't have anything else better to do. I don't think it was legal for children to wander around in the hospital but in Vietnam, they could really careless about some random kid. The guy, who I later learn his name was Dr.N, did allow me to talk to non-contagious patients. N. forced me to take all the vaccination I missed my entire life before I could become a full time "staff" here. I cried like a baby but I actually enjoy the presence of other people for the first time so I didn't mind the needles too much. I got to know the patients and their amazing stories, some of them even sound like they were blatantly plagiarized from an Oscar movie, but I knew that these stories were very real from their physical scars. I guess not all doctors were bad. For the first time in my life, the thought of wanting to be one actually entered my mind.

A year later, Dr. N got a job offer in America. He gave me his son stethoscope and said he want to meet me some day, as a colleague. I laughed at the ridiculous idea.

Two years later, some woman I've never seen in my life accepted me as her biological son so I was sponsored to America. One step closer to become a doctor, but still a crazy idea I thought. Chemistry is still impossible despite shadowing a professional for a year trying to save lives. However, I wanted to get the feeling N. got when he cured an old man when all the other doctors gave up, the feeling he got when he saved my life. Of course, I am still poor as dirt and paying for college is still impossible. Any aid from any benevolent organization would help me one step closer to my life long quest.
desertautumn 2 / 11  
Dec 29, 2011   #2
I think it's a very engaging story, just one suggestion:

Of course, I am still poor as dirt and paying for college is still impossible, hence any aid from any benevolent organization wouldto help me take one step closer to my life long quest would be much appreciated? or anyting else more suitable .


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