"CS is too hard" - Questbridge Short Answers - My Proudest Achievement

Hello, this is my first time using the EssayForum and I hope to get some valuable feedback on my essay!

The prompt is:

Tell us about one of your proudest achievements or moments and what it says about you.

(200 word limit)
| Note: I had a hard time fitting what I wrote in 200 words and I think it shows.

Here's my response:

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger." A quote by famed philosopher Nietzsche (or Kelly Clarkson, depending on who you ask), the quote that pushed me to create my proudest achievement. The idea for this achievement came to me after my friends and I discussed the classes we planned to take junior year. I heard the usual. AP this. Honors that. But I didn't hear anyone talking about the computer science classes. When I asked my friends about CS, they believed, "CS is too hard." After asking other people, I discovered that most students were intimidated by CS and I wanted to change that. So, I came up with the idea to start a CS club. Ironically, the idea intimidated me, so I just shrugged it off and forgot about it. Before long, I came across that Nietzsche quote on Reddit. As I was reading it, the idea for the club returned to me. I realized that even if the club failed, I would still learn from the experience. So, I started Berkley Hack Club, a club where anyone can learn how to code. In creating a club, I proved that I can bring my ideas to fruition.

I think it's good overall, but I don't really think the quote fits because you didn't show that you went through a struggle or failed, only that It intimidated you. Maybe if you talked about maybe how it was hard at first could make it better

You wasted the word count on an unnecessary back story. You should have kicked off the essay using the following instead:

I started Berkley Hack Club, a club where anyone can learn how to code. In creating a club, I proved that I can bring my ideas to fruition.

That is the whole point of your response. That is your proudest achievement. After telling the reviewer what the achievement is, you can expand the discussion regarding why you consider this an achievement. You were already able to introduce the club and the idea behind it in the aforementioned sentence. So expand the discussion regarding the reason why you felt the need to establish this club. From there, establish the process by which you founded the club. Make sure to discuss the obstacles you had to overcome and how you did it. That will serve as the justification on your part in relation to this becoming your greatest achievement so far.