You cannot hope to build a better world without improving the individuals; leadership question

Urgent - Kindly help me to review the below answer for the Chevening leadership question Thank you

my leadership experiences for Chevening

"You cannot hope to build a better world without improving the individuals. To that end, each of us must work for his own improvement and, at the same time, share a general responsibility for all humanity, our particular duty being to aid those to whom we think we can be most useful". Marie Curie a renowned scientist of the late 80's.

I believe that leadership is not a universal shoe that everyone can fit and assume the roles of a leader. On a personal level, I had to invest nine years practicing leadership - on professional and academic levels- to understand that exceptional leaders create their own leadership style with the aim of improving the welfare of humanity.

Currently, I am working as a researcher and program assistant on combating Human Trafficking and Smuggling of Migrants in Africa at XXX. In my current capacity, I take the lead on conducting influential regional trainings for African officials to build their capacities for combating both crimes. As related, I also develop training manuals; facilitate the implementation of adult learning techniques, and spearhead the interaction among different stakeholders during and after the trainings. Through my leadership, we have recorded significant outcomes. For example, some participants from South Sudan who attended our training went back to their country and drafted national laws aimed at combating both crimes. Moreover, I have had the privilege of leading several influential discussions that positively changed the mindsets of participants about whether or not a smuggled migrant is a criminal. Participants were convinced that smuggled people in Africa are usually victims fleeing conflict and violence, and thus, are entitled to protection and safety. As a leader, I encouraged them to go and educate their colleagues back at home and emphasized the importance of cooperating with their counterparts in conducting successful regional strategies for combating both crimes. Lastly, Egyptian participants working as prosecutors succeeded in detecting a higher number of trafficking and smuggling crimes in the year 2016. Consequently, this has ranked up the Egyptian efforts in combating both crimes, as demonstrated in the latest United States report "Trafficking in Persons 2016".

Besides, my leadership experiences transcend beyond my professional career. Back in the university, I undertook various leadership roles including taking part in a simulation model of the United States Senate (MAC) where I was the chair of one of the committees. This meant that I was in charge of over twenty students. I succeeded in enabling them to understand the world as a global village. Resultantly, I was able to broaden their knowledge and subsequently improve their communication skills. This is a clear demonstration of my leadership abilities, as well as Africans standing up for fellow Africans.

Through the much I have done, I believe that Chevening scholarships will help me realize my goal to contribute more to humanity and help make the world better. This education will go a long way in making my dream a reality.

I think that you can develop better your professional experience as a leader. You need to convince that you have influencial skills and showed it with direct results.

Hi,

I think that your essay is very nice and it can show your influence and leadership skills.

One think I just wanna share from my personal opinion is that you dont really need the first two paragraph to show the reader how do you think about leadership. Since in these short essays, the reader just want to know about your answer to the question, so just be direct and straight forward in explaining your experience. Instead, in the 3rd paragraph where you share about your leadership, I think you can elaborate more in each case rather than just provide a short story on these experience.

Heba, these essays normally function best when you go direct to the point in your discussion. While others do find it beneficial to give a personal definition of leadership, that should only be done if one has a very strong sense of leadership that has developed over the span of a professional career. I don't believe that is necessary to do in your essay. You may very well open with your third paragraph and then further develop your essay from there.

What I noticed in your essay is that you dropped the terms leadership and influencing in various forms in the essay almost like a social media hashtag. That isn't how this essay works. You cannot imply leadership and influencing. You must justify it with solid situations in your workplace. For example, when you say that you took the lead on conducting "influential" regional trainings, you must give a specific instance of leadership and influencing that occurred during that activity. Justified by a successful outcome for your organization. Indicate what sorts of actions you have taken as a leader that resulted in positive outcomes in terms of combating the crimes that were ongoing at the time. What was your success percentage and indicate how that information can be verified.

Influential discussions are easy to mention, explaining how it became influential is another thing. Develop the scenario for actual presentation. The essay functions on solid examples, not lip service. Actual action must be exemplified and supported with verifiable data such as the names of places, organizations, dates, and results. You only did this once throughout what should have been an information heavy leadership and influencing essay.

It would be best if you skip the university presentation and just work on using the full 500 words on developing your professional skills in leadership and influencing. That will be the most impressive presentation that you can do in this essay.