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IMSISS 2020 Personal Statement - Scholarship declined



Journeyman 1 / -  
May 28, 2021   #1
Hi, I recently applied for the Erasmus Mundus scholarship for the International Master in Security, Intelligence and Strategic Studies (IMSISS). Unfortunately I was not selected for the scholarship, but I would like to ask you for advice on how to improve my essay the next time I apply. Thank you all very much.

INSTRUCTIONS

1.What is your main motivation for applying to the IMSISS postgraduate degree?
2.How will your educational background and/or work experience inform your engagement with this programme?
3.How will this programme support your future career development?

TOP TIPS: An excellent personal statement will:

·give strong reasons as to why you want to study this programme at the various institutions awarding the degree.
·mention relevant study - including projects, dissertations, essays - or work experience
·provide evidence of your key skills including, research, critical thinking, communication, organisation, planning and time-management and show how you can contribute to the programme's academic community

·draw on your other experiences: for example are you a member of a society, have you written any papers or won any awards, scholarships or prizes?

·highlight your career aspirations and show how the course will help you achieve them.
·AND MOST IMPORTANTLY - show what makes you stand out as a candidate

personal statement



To the admission team

I would like to say that my main motivation for applying to the IMSISS postgraduate degree is to have the opportunity to study a wide range of affairs over contemporary security challenges and explore the most important topics that will capacitate me to excel in my future career. The IMSISS programme is, without a doubt, the most appealing scholarship I have found. The tradition that the University of Glasgow has in developing research and having in its history renowned people in all areas of knowledge were fundamental points considered in my choice. Also, to study at one of the oldest and top hundred universities of world would be an immense pleasure and privilege. Being able to further my studies with a unique degree focused on both Security and Intelligence is something that would enhance my knowledge and acknowledgement at the exact fields that I am really looking for. Besides that, energy supply security and cybersecurity are some of the subjects that caught my attention, although I can't let to mention the incredible opportunity to live in such marvellous cities as Glasglow, Dublin and Prague.

As an International Relations scholar with a bachelor's degree, my educational background is fully linked with the affairs displayed by the programme in the fields of terrorism, civil war and conflict, and mass migration. During the graduation, I presented my capstone paper entitled "The Identitarian Ascension in Europe Confronting Multiculturalism", subject that I chose because of its contemporaneity and importance, where I have tracked the tensions between identitarian movements and contemporary policies. If given the opportunity to do this on international scale, the understanding over ideological security threats would be an outstanding field of work for me. I also attended to a training course for participation in international discussions on climate change, aiming the Conference of Parties 23 (COP23) that increased my capacities on negotiation and mediation in a culturally diverse environment. Besides my fully engagement by will, I always try to expose my thinking in order to pursue more interaction between what I know and what I am yet to learn. My lifetime in an emerging country may provide a proper exchange of points of view alongside my co-students and the academic community.

I have in mind two paths to follow in my future career and I believe that the IMSISS programme can give me the tools I need to grasp both. Fist, the IMSISS programme would definitely give me the knowledge and network necessary to work at the Brazilian Intelligence Agency (ABIN), Ministry of Foreign Affairs, or even ambitiously, for the UN Security Council, contributing with intelligence and strategic approaches with skills to not only react to crises but to identify, anticipate and denounce the threats and challenges that produce crises worldwide. Second, become a researcher is something I started looking for during my graduation time, and I believe that not only University of Glasgow but also Dublin City University and Charles University would be a tremendous opportunity to build intercultural resilience, knowledge, and experiences to enhance my capacities and encourage me to produce and share original commentary pieces.

To say what makes me stand out as a candidate is a thin line between confidence and arrogance, but I believe that, according to the recurring congratulations I receive from my professors, my diplomacy and capacity for dialogue is above the average around me.

My best regards

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15344  
May 29, 2021   #2
Please do not think or believe that you were not considered for the scholarship based on a weak motivation letter alone. While the witten interviews are part of the consideration process, there are other considerations as well. Other elements that are looked into are your qualifying documents, student admission count for your country, validity of the course you are applying to (does the EM offer scholar studies in the field you have chosen?), and several other points. It is possible that the motivational letter was not the only reason you did not qualify. It is only one of the reasons.

Your motivational letter was lacking in actual motivating reasons. You wrote this as a personal statement without a true purpose. There is no expected possible problem resolution that compelled you to seek overseas education. You could have been compelled based on the 2 possible career paths, but you failed to build on that potentially motivating discussion. Any future motivational letter should use that as the basis. Create a sense of professional importance for your studies. There is no real reference to career requirements here.

Tell you what, why don't you wait for the next application round then you can comeback here to ask for my help with your new draft? Just remind me of who you are so I will know which thread to check. In the meantime, be more observant in the performance of your tasks. Those experiences just may be helpful at that time.


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