AAS Supporting Statement Number 1
Hello, i need help to review my first supporting statement for AAS about choose proposed course and institution
My undergraduate education background is Information Systems in [my collegge name], currently I work for a state-owned company running in the port industry, namely [my workplace name]. I have worked here for about 5 years, my job is very relevant to my undergraduate education background, but through the times my work has a wider scopes, as an illustration I have carried out a project to implement an automatic doors for ship passenger terminal boarding. The project is the company's response to reduce the spread of pandemic Covid-19, if automation is applied when exchanging tickets and boarding ships, there is no need for guard officers, practical contact with people will also be reduced. This is one of the many examples of things that make me demanded to have broad insights not limited to Information Systems, thus encouraging me to continue to learn new things related to projects and innovations. There is a limit when I can't find answers to my questions, but it turns out that I could find these answer if I took further education.
I have seen through all the syllabus for the RMIT Master in Information Management, and I feel the learning in it includes the Digital Information Environment, Information Organization, Information Provision, Digital Curation, Business Project Management, these are the exact core courses that can help me and my company grow and develop faster and more efficient. Of course RMIT's reputation as a global university of technology, design, and enterprise was also my consideration, and I feel RMIT is the right campus for me, and I hope that RMIT also chooses me as its student.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,562 3753
You have to lessen the information in the first paragraph to contain only the actual professional goal for your studies, not your academic background or employment history. From there, choose 2 universities and 2 courses or one university and 2 courses for your course and institution. There is an incorrect focus on your educational and work background in this essay. You have to build the second and third paragraphs in reference to the course/s and educational institution/s based on your actual career goals upon your return to your home country. Right now, you are also too focused on Covid-19 in the presentation. We will not always be in a pandemic state so a reference to preparations post pandemic in your profession may also help improve your proposed course and institution discussions.
and I feel RMIT is the right campus for me, and I hope
Halo Juna, In my opinion, this sentences sounds doubtful, maybe you can change with a sentence that is optimistic.