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'the interest in me to be a doctor one day' - Application for scholarship - Medicine



raj74 1 / -  
Apr 1, 2012   #1
I NEED HELP FOR MY ENDING..CAN ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME OUT WITH IT??PRETTY PLEASE!!

APPLICATION FOR SCHOLARSHIP
I hereby apply for the YAYASAN SIME DARBY SCHOLARSHIP.

Turning dreams into reality, that's what I believe this scholarship will do to me. My name is Raj Inthiran A/L Paulvannan and I achieved 9A+ 1A for my SPM examinations. My dream is to become an orthopedic surgeon but to achieve that I will have to take the first step which is to obtain a degree in Medicine. I personally believe this scholarship would be the best option for me to look at. This passion for Medicine grew in me all thanks to a particular incident that happened in the year 2001. I was seven years old back then and while cycling, I fell down causing my arm to fracture. I suffered a tremendous amount of pain and was continuously crying as it hurt. Well, my father then brought me to see a doctor and once the doctor got it checked, I felt much better. A smile appeared on my face. When I looked back at this incident, I realized that a doctor can turn sorrows into happiness. I want to bring my smiles on other people's faces. I want to bring happiness to them. This dream built the interest in me to be a doctor one day and it never changed since I was seven years old.

Firstly, I would like to state my reasons why I believe I deserve this scholarship. Firstly, I am the eldest son in a family of six, whereby I have three younger brothers at the age of 15, 14 and 10 respectively. My parents fall to the lower middle class salary earner and due to some wrong investments made so as the global recession, we are in a very bad financial situation. I also have two more brothers that will be entering college 2 to 3 years from now and the accumulative figure of the expense that will be made is definitely going to burden them. With this financial constrain, my dream of studying medicine is very unlikely to come true. Therefore, this scholarship would do me wonders by enabling me to achieve my dream.

Secondly, I think I deserve this scholarship because I had worked hard most of my life academically. I put so much effort in anything I choose to do, or any task accorded to me. This can also be proven with my latest academic achievement for the SPM examinations where I managed to obtain 9A+ 1A. My consistency academically can also be proven with my straight A's achievement in both the UPSR and PMR examinations.

Moreover I am also heavily involved in co-curricular activities. I spend a lot of time on sports and have participated consistently in some of the events organized for school students nationwide, winning prizes in some of the competitions as well. I've won few district level tennis competitions as well as have achieved a consolation prize for the Olympiad Mathematics competition and became the Champion for the Mental Arithmetic competition throughout the nation. Furthermore I've also been heavily involved in the Robotics competition organized by Sasbadi Sdn. Bhd., participating in three of them. During my primary school days, I was the Assistant Head Prefect and I even held a high prefect position in my secondary school.

Jennyflower81 - / 674  
Apr 2, 2012   #2
Hi :) I have some suggestions that may help. The most important thing is your grammar, it must be edited to perfection, in order to compete with other applicants. The reasons you give are wonderful and you have a nice basis for your desire to become a doctor. However, I would shorten your little story about getting injured, because unfortunately this is far too common. If you can think of additional incidents or images that inspired your goals, you should add these to your intro. Save the part about your dream to be a doctor until the end of your intro, and use the things leading up to your dream as the beginning. Actually, try not to use the word "dream" too much and remove the "firstly" "secondly", etc. because these phrases are not typical when writing in English. Try to be as straightforward as you can. The people reading these papers are looking for your life plan. They want to see that you have real goals, short term and long term, the basis for these goals, the grades to back it up, and how college will help you achieve those educational and career goals. Explain how you will utilize the education that college has to offer, and how it will make you contribute to your community. If you make any changes, do not hesitate to re-post with your next draft. Good luck in school :)


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