Hello guys, I posted yesterday about my essay for review, and I haven't heard anything about it still. Please can someone help me review it.
I was asked these questions (WHY ARE YOU A SUITABLE CANDIDATE?), (WHAT DO I EXPECT TO GAIN FROM MY STUDIES)
Dear Scholarship Selection Committee,
Thank you for this opportunity. My name is Abdul-Basit Olayinka Ilori, a biochemistry graduate from the prestigious University of Ilorin in Nigeria.
I aspire to become a medical practitioner and a public health specialist, and I plan to follow it up with an extensive understudy of Homeopathy and a postgraduate degree in public health. This scholarship will undoubtedly contribute significantly towards achieving my dreams.
I have always loved Biology. Since the first experiment on laboratory rats in high school, I became fascinated with the complex anatomical structure of living beings and what biochemical processes take place in them.
This fascination led me to start hunting for domestic rats loitering around our house to perform my first in-house solo surgery for a more hands-on experience. After completing high school, I applied for biochemistry at the university, where I extensively studied biochemical processes, including metabolism, genetics, and enzymes, among other things.
The inspiration to pursue a medical career came from the bitter realization that my mother died from postpartum complications six weeks after my birth. She had started pursuing her medical degree at the time. I owe it to her to fulfil my dream and hers and do my best to prevent other families from experiencing such fate.
The zeal to gain new knowledge and the willingness to serve and contribute to my society made me join the world's largest voluntary youth organization through my school - The World Organization of Scout Movement.
Through this platform and my local religious group, I was fortunate to serve people in various leadership and followership positions in several volunteer work.
I was involved in several campaigns, including blood donation campaigns to blood banks, free eye tests, and distribution of eyeglasses to the locals. I was also involved in campaigns that eschewed violence in high schools and promoted peace within the community and those that promoted afforestation and contributed to clean and fresh air.
Despite my family's financial hurdles and educational struggles, I have always done what is necessary to expand my knowledge and
improve upon my experience.
In 2016, I was exposed to the fine art of drug testing and mass production when I took up an internship at one of the largest pharmaceutical companies in Nigeria.
I have attended several virtual and physical training programs and seminars on first aid and CPR and an online course in digital marketing.
Earlier this year, I put my leadership dexterity to the test in an entirely new field when I acted as the Head of Marketing and Communications Department of a startup fintech company, where together with my team, we helped increase the revenue of the company from a meagre N500,000 to N10,000,000 within months.
Currently, I am undergoing an internship program at a hospital in Niger State, an experience that I know will further enhance my knowledge and
skills.
It is noteworthy that my interpersonal, observatory, and leadership dexterity, as well as my creative and critical thinking, problem-solving, research, and report writing ingenuity, have all profited immensely from these experiences. Perhaps, these qualities contributed to being nominated as one of the 100 most influential students on campus.
Being awarded this scholarship would be an incredible opportunity, and it is one I intend to judiciously use for the benefit of my country and humankind at large.
Undoubtedly, I would face challenges living in a foreign country, but it is an adventure that I have trained for all my life as a scout member. Should I be considered for this scholarship, I would strive to be a good representative and ambassador throughout my stay at the university.
I thank you for taking the time to evaluate my application support essay, and I look forward to arriving in Hungary soon.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,844 
4785 Your account was previously suspended by the forum administrators and moderators, which led to the deletion of your first post. That is why you did not receive any advice on that essay. You appealed the decision to ban your account at this forum and, you were given a second chance. You violated rules which is why you did not get any advice. Do not make it appear as if your post was ignored. We do not ignore posts here unless it is necessary to do so due to forum rules violations. In this case, you know what you did and why you did not receive advice.
It is important for you to understand that the Hungarium Stipendum scholarship has a series of motivational letter questions that you must accurately respond to. These questions are readily available online and not comprised of merely 2 questions. Review the prompt questions as provided in the application packet. You will see that you have regretfully failed to provide the necessary information to make your application considerable to the review committee. This is the type of personal statement that would work if you were applying for college admission. It is not worthy of consideration as a Hungarium Stipendum application though.
You cannot revise this essay. Rather, you need to provide a new essay that better responds to all the written interview questions that comprise the motivational letter for this application.
