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KGSP 2018-Personal Statement - Shape yourself for the future

Gabrieland 1 / -  
Sep 26, 2017   #1
This is actually the first time I write about myself and it was quite hard, I think everything gets harder when you are asked to talk about yourself, but this one was the draft that I consider represents me the best and I'd like to receive any correction o review from other than me and my family so I can give it the proper double check.

The personal statement had the following parameters;
- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Personal background in family and education
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you

- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc.

This is what I have. I'd appreciate every review I could receive from all of you.

my vision of the future

People tents to say that individuality and the independence are the hardest thing for a person to get, however, as live thought me; is one of the most worthwhile characteristics a person can develop.

I am Gabriela Navarro. I was born in the year 1999. I am the second daughter of Ulises Navarro and Nalvin Diaz, two person who, as the years came through, exhibited themselves as the most lovely, responsible, self-starter people that could ever exist.

I was raised at Maracay, under my grandmother's care during my first 7 years, sharing the roof with 15 of my relatives. This taught me what I think real individuality means; every person, even though raised by the same people, under the same rules has different responsibilities they must fulfill and can use the knowledge they are provided with in special ways each one. This environment helped to hold tightly to what made myself me, what made me different from all the people I lived with; my love for the literature and the cultures.

The word my family have always had to describe me is, definitely; curious. The curiosity has always managed to move all the strings of my live, I have always been pulled by the need to know more, to do more, to satisfy my never ending thirst of knowledge. This leaded me to read for as many hours as possible and to destroy dictionaries and books by how much they were used. The close people always talk about how I would take all the books I could to the school. I enjoyed to no end to be able to read in classes and between them, to share the new books that I got from my family with the teachers, so we could talk about them, since they would always exchange their own ideas with mine and was an activity that fascinated me.

The literature, the reading and the writing and every media which used the words as the main expression became center of what I was, and, as years came by, that passion just grew more and more, as did my other favorite research theme; the international culture. My family spent many hours answering every question which came across my mind and within everything they said, I would enjoy the most when they talked about my father's travels. He was a marine, and his job gave him the chance to visit other countries and they would quote him when he talked about the differences within the places he went to, the magic of the languages and the magnificence of the particularities every culture had to give. Of course, that was incompressible for me at that young age, but lead me to take every book I could put my hands on that could teach me what all of that really meant.

The idea to be able to share part of Venezuela with the world and to receive a part of the world was enticing. I grew up debating for years which country I would rather do that at, but I would not find a staunch answer until this year started.

Primary school was a blur, not because it was hard, but just the opposite. It seems to be truth that people forgets the clear ways. The inly clear memories I hold are about the teachers, all of them magnificent found a way to teach something new every year and about my mother. She spent some years in her post-graduation studies in the capital city; it was a great sacrifice. It meant distance, lost moments she could have spent with her family, but this, tough, never made her become a bad mother; quite the opposite, this taught me and my sister that to ensure a best future, sacrifices are sometimes required and that, in some way or other, you can fulfill your responsibilities, no matter how hard it can be.

However, the secondary and high school were unforgettable times. The years ran slowly.

The first years were hard. The adaptation was easy, my family tends to say that I have good social skills and the classes were enjoyable, which made possible for me to learn quite easily, sin embargo, the matter is that even though people has an academic live, the studies aren't everything a people have to concentrate in. In 2012 and 2013 Venezuela was going through a transition you may be aware of, and that many people disagreed with. This lead to a social conflict, which became rather quickly an issue that affected everyone. A lot of time went lost, a group of students, me included, sometimes had to walk the way to the school because the main ways were blocked and also a number of classes were missed, because going out of our houses was too dangerous. After those tough years, a greatest part of the student population felt overwhelmed by these uneven situations and lost the vision of the future, including myself. How could someone watch the future when the present is a blur?

In the first high school year, I understood what people meant when they talked about climbing the walls to keep following our path. Thar year the institution welcomed a new teacher, Alfredo Garcia, who, with perseveration and eagerness reminded us how important was to build our future by our own hand, that our generation was going to be the one to give it shape and that all of that relayed on what we were willingly to do.

This boost was all I needed to show me the reality of what I was letting go to waste and what I could be if I decided to work my potential. I decided that for the remaining years I was going to make the best of every chance I could get to grow up as a person and as a student.

The high school was rough, the enthusiasm lead me to join five school clubs; literature, chemistry, sciences, journalism and civics. These activities were the ones that caused my greatest development, they stimulated my desire to grow up, reinforced the marvelous feeling that came from the opinions exchange and the idea that they make your mind mature at peerless extents, they drove my initiative to propose project, carry out events and increase my communication skills among big groups of people. Besides I was taking an English course, it was in the adjacent city, so I had to travel there right after classes three times the week and be back home at night. Sometimes I had to make homework on the buses or stay awake until midnight to be able to finish all my assignments and on top of that, a pair of classmates and I started to develop a research.

It was focused in discovering if the students of the institution we went to were prepared to choose their career and we found out that they were not. It was a splendid work. We could identify a real problem that affected people and we directed our efforts looking for a solution to it. Finally, we realized a series of workshops where we gave the students the required information and recommendations for each one to make the right choice for themselves and actually, after we finished our project the institution kept applying it.

Nevertheless, I felt every moment as an ensemble of refreshing experiences, which deepened my sense of responsibility and the management of my time. After graduating, I got into the Central University of Venezuela, but this meant to take a sabbatical year. It helped me to reconnect entirely with my ambitions and passions, but also leaded me to a revelation; Venezuela was not able to provide me the appropriate environment for me to properly grow up. In January, while doing a research I found my interest being captured by a website which spoke about Korea and I was immediately captivated. That strong compromise with the society, the education and the evolution of the country is something I had not seen before and the academic system, though strict, carried the interest to form the best hands that would shape the future of their nation.

I could recognize Korea as the place that fulfilled all the expectations I had for the place I wanted to reach the end of my personal and professional growth at, where the dignity, the proficient and the quality are the main characteristics of the graduates. The scholarships provide me the chance to find a place where all the potential I have to give could be properly worked on and that could guarantee my hands to become part of the ones that could help to shape the future I was taught to believe in.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,598 2499  
Sep 26, 2017   #2
You have a problem with your tense usage. You are constantly talking about things that happened in your past so you must use the past tense representation of the conversation. You also need to know the progression of word representations in English. The term you keep on using "live" is wrong. You are referring to the term "life". Change all references to "live" to "life" in your essay. In paragraph 9, don't slip into Spanish speaking mode. Rather than saying "sin embargo", say "since the embargo". The reference to your teacher, Alfredo Garcia is too short. Describe him in better detail. Aside from him saying something inspirational, in what other forms did he positively influence you as a student and person? Try to develop that introduction into a solid paragraph.

With regards to the clubs, which of these were you seriously involved in? Don't just enumerate the club types. Name the clubs and why you decided to participate in it. Do the same for any civic or community organizations that you were a member of or volunteering for. Expand on your English studies in an independent paragraph and explain why learning English was of importance to you. It is important that you highlight this section as an achievement on your part. I want you to do that because you have not spoken of any achievements, recognition, or awards that you received in school. However, if you can prove that you excelled in something outside of the classroom, that might be accepted as a replacement for the missing information.

Your discussion as to why you chose to seek a Korean scholarship is not clear. What is it about a Korean education that enticed you to wish to study there? What makes a Korean education special in your eyes? What is the connection that you have with Korea? Are you familiar with Korean culture, society, and the Hangul language in any way? These are reasons that could serve as a motivation for your desire to study in Korea. While it is not required in the prompt, you could add this to your motivational discussion as a reason that motivated your interest in the program.

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