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You have a problem with your tense usage. You are constantly talking about things that happened in your past so you must use the past tense representation of the conversation. You also need to know the progression of word representations in English. The term you keep on using "live" is wrong. You are referring to the term "life". Change all references to "live" to "life" in your essay. In paragraph 9, don't slip into Spanish speaking mode. Rather than saying "sin embargo", say "since the embargo". The reference to your teacher, Alfredo Garcia is too short. Describe him in better detail. Aside from him saying something inspirational, in what other forms did he positively influence you as a student and person? Try to develop that introduction into a solid paragraph.
With regards to the clubs, which of these were you seriously involved in? Don't just enumerate the club types. Name the clubs and why you decided to participate in it. Do the same for any civic or community organizations that you were a member of or volunteering for. Expand on your English studies in an independent paragraph and explain why learning English was of importance to you. It is important that you highlight this section as an achievement on your part. I want you to do that because you have not spoken of any achievements, recognition, or awards that you received in school. However, if you can prove that you excelled in something outside of the classroom, that might be accepted as a replacement for the missing information.
Your discussion as to why you chose to seek a Korean scholarship is not clear. What is it about a Korean education that enticed you to wish to study there? What makes a Korean education special in your eyes? What is the connection that you have with Korea? Are you familiar with Korean culture, society, and the Hangul language in any way? These are reasons that could serve as a motivation for your desire to study in Korea. While it is not required in the prompt, you could add this to your motivational discussion as a reason that motivated your interest in the program.