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My engineering future - PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR KGSP

bunny31 1 / 1  
Feb 23, 2019   #1
Please help me to correct the grammar and give advise to improve my essay. Thank you!

one step forward into the goal for the future

My motivation to apply for the Global Korea Scholarship program is that I am taking one step into achieving the future I have imagined. This program is an opportunity for me to excel in my skills and develop the expertise to contribute to the social community. South Korea has one of the best educational systems and Korean Universities are excellent centers for higher learning with expert faculty and state of art research facilities. Further, they have close collaboration with industries which provides practical experience as well as good funding for Graduate Research which meets my future and my study plan. I have always been intrigued by Korean culture and social system. I have had the opportunity to experience the Korean culture, Korean people comportment as well as their lifestyle on an everyday basis because of my interaction with native people which sparked my interest to explore more of it. I am deeply motivated in the research area of my field while also high interest in Language and Society. My Main goals will be supporting the spread of Korean education in the world and reinforcing the usage of the Korean language.

My curiosity to learn new things, along with my aspiration to excel and commitment helped me to gain knowledge of various aspects of technology. This is reflected in my overall academic performance where I received the distinction in Physics at my secondary school examinations and Honours in Bachelor of Technology for Electrical Engineering. In addition, I obtained 8.9/10 CGPA during the four consecutive years of my degree and consistently stayed in the top 3 positions in the class of 60 students. I have had various work and research experience while I did an internship at Defense Research and Development Lab and Various Projects in University. I never disappointed my professors and supervisor as I performed well in my under graduation. So, I am a deserving candidate for this scholarship and I will never disappoint if I have this opportunity to pursue Higher Education.

My reason for studying in South Korea can be a recent initiation of Korea-India Cultural, Investments, Commercial and political relations. The cultural and economic relations between Korea and India remain robust and buoyant. As per New Southern Policy, Korea accords a high priority to expanding its bilateral trade and investment ties with India given that both countries share considerable synergies. The quality of education and the dedication to achieving highly is exceptional in Korea. Attending a Korean university will inspire me to work hard and compete with top students. I was interested in the Korean language script since I was a kid. The ability to speak another language is invaluable to employers these days and learning Korean will be extremely beneficial as I am planning to stay in Korea for a long time. Since its boom in the 1960s, the Korean economy has been growing at a rapid rate. Studying in Korea will give me the experience and language skills necessary to pursue a career here.

The field of engineering constantly changes the world with inventions that affect everyone's lives which inspired me to choose to be an engineer as my profession. This decision gave me an opportunity to consolidate my creative energies and harness my technical aptitude. I believe that growing up in an underprivileged background made me a positive and optimistic person. Among my many achievements and accomplishments, my performance on taken projects and presentations were exceptional, in my academic years, I worked very well with others, mastered laboratory techniques which earned me great evaluation through exam performance period. I have been highly motivated after I understood the meaning of Hongik Ingan, this is a motto which I want to follow. I hope my research or work could broadly benefit Human Welfare. I also wish to create different means to gather foreigners and Koreans altogether so that we could become a community to initiate Intellectual, cultural and educational exchanges. Thanks to this opportunity by NIIED, I believe that I will augment my professional training, in addition to living an enriching cultural exchange.

Holt - / 7,546 2001  
Feb 24, 2019   #2
Vishal, your essay seems to lack focus. It is not really focus on how your background in engineering addresses the motivation and reason for your interest to study in Korea. Neither do I see a relationship between your education, research abilities, and professional accomplishments. Your essay verges strongly on the uninformative because of the vagueness of your presentation. Are you afraid that you will not qualify for the scholarship? Is that why your responses are mere implications rather than statements? This is not an essay that will be seen as competitive in the screening round. If you want to have a chance of getting past the screening, you have to define the responses more in relation to your undergraduate major, your work experience, and detailed examples of your research skills. If I were to revise your essay, I would do it using the following topic sentences:

Motivation: My curiosity to learn new things...aspects of technology.
Academic Background: Honours in Bachelor of Technology for Electrical Engineering. I obtained 8.9/10 CGPA during the four consecutive years of my degree and consistently stayed in the top 3 positions in the class of 60 students (Expand to include your internship experience in the relevant field).

Professional: I have had various work (Needs to be represented)
Reason: Needs to be related to Engineering in your country and what you can learn from Korean engineers and / or companies during internships or other hands on programs at the university. This should be the focus more than the bilateral reason because there does not seem to be an Engineering connection in that reference.

Research information: I did an internship at Defense Research and Development Lab and Various Projects in University (Relate it to research skills developed during this time) and any published work you might have.

Revise the essay to focus on the Korean relationship with your actual undergraduate major and professional experience. Always consider the required information over the information that you want to share with the reviewer. It is the prior that will help your essay during the screening process.
OP bunny31 1 / 1  
Feb 24, 2019   #3
Thank you so much,
I was only trying to be in page limit and describe everything as in points.
I am not afraid but rather nervous.
I will edit it now.
Should I write it again from scratch with a different approach or should I organize the essay by emphasizing on some background research with detail?

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