Hello! I am planning to apply for the Global Korean Scholarship Graduate study. I would appreciate any feedback on my personal statement. :)
Global Korean Scholarship essay
The essay is required to include this:
- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Family and Education background
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you
- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities, or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc.
I graduated from Digital Animation Engineering and want to pursue a Virtual and Augmented Reality master's degree.
The phrase: "If you can dream it, you can do it" was said by a man who made his dream come true by telling stories through cartoons; his name was Walt Disney. This phrase has inspired me since an early age and throughout my life to not limit my imagination and dream big; that is why I set the goal to fight to make my dreams come true.
I grew up in a medium family, made up of my parents, an older brother, myself, and a younger sister. My mom is a housewife, and my dad works in a courier company. Both of my parents studied accounting, but initially, my father was interested in pursuing a system degree; however, at that time, for lack of support, he couldn't do it. That is why my parents have always supported us in every way possible since we were children to pursue and develop our interests and talents.
In my case, my parents incited me to grow my creativity from a young age through different activities like reading books and taking other extracurricular classes related to art such as painting, drawing, and several dance styles. However, thanks to values such as determination, responsibility, and self-improvement, my parents taught us with their example that I could get an academic scholarship to study high school and college.
As part of the high school academic program, I took different classes and tried other activities like joining the basketball team. However, the math classes that I started to enjoy incited my interest in learning more about digital art in technology, which helped me choose my degree in Interactive Technology in Digital Animation Engineering.
As part of my way to improve myself, I am always looking for new challenges to learn; that's why I also decided to start working to gain work experience when I started my degree. Although my firsts jobs were not related to my field of study, they helped me learn and develop new skills such as taking the initiative to be self-taught, administration, and organizing my time in school.
While studying for my degree, programming, as much as the use of engines for video game development classes, piqued my interest in virtual reality (VR) and augmented reality (AR). The idea of creating virtual places where you could live different and unique experiences prompted me to apply to a 3D internship at the Bosch Company within the Mexico Innovation Department.
During my time at Bosch, I was able to start applying what I learned at school in a formal work context and, together with the skills that I developed in my previous jobs, helped me a lot in facing and adapting myself to the various tasks that I was in charge of. One of my most outstanding achievements was having the opportunity to teach a workshop during Talent Land 2019, which was about creating a video game in Unity. In other Bosch events, I presented other of my contributions to the company up to that moment, which were an interactive 3D map and a virtual tour using virtual reality, both developed with Unity.
Simultaneously working and studying was the hardest but satisfactory challenge I overcame during my degree. It helped me grow personally by interacting and learning from different people and professionally by continually adapting to satisfied everyday requirements. I apply all these experiences and skills in my thesis project by creating a demo of my own video game; this helped me receive a job offer from IBM as an iOS developer, where I currently continue working.
In my life, I always look for great opportunities to expand my knowledge and develop the skills I need throughout life because I think that lifelong learning is the key to success. That's why I started looking for options to study for a master's degree in this field; it was then that I found out about this scholarship. I am convinced that studying and living in South Korea will allow me to learn not only on a professional level but will also enrich my life on a personal level.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,552 3449
Do you have a career objective that motivates you to take up this masters course? You mentioned Walt Disney at the start but your essay failed to circle towards that quote and its relevance to your career motivation in the overall presentation. You also mentioned separately that you really want to complete this masters course, but the motivation that drives this desire in you cannot be found in the essay. The essay is strong in all aspects, except the motivation by which you decided to apply for this program.
The missing points in this essay are:
- The career motivation / professional ambition that shows a career goal that will be supported by the studies
- The academic considerations, training, and learning goal that helped you choose the universities you are applying to directly.
You should focus on the most important aspects for consideration in this presentation. As a university track application, the reviewer needs to read about how various motivating factors led to:
- The decision to study in Korea (academic and professional factors)
- The desire to learn that pushed you to choose specific masters courses at these universities.