I would like to receive this scholarship to ease the financial burden for my parents

MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY

My name is Thanh and I'm twenty-one years old. I was born in DakLak - one of remote areas in Viet Nam. At the present, I live in Ho Chi Minh city with my brother and my sister-in-law.

I have a beautiful family. My father is over 50 and he is a hard farmer. My mother is 46 years old, she is not only good at a farmer but also a housewife who spents a lot of time taking care of her family. My parents have three boys: my brother is married with a beautiful girl and they have a cute 14-month kid, my younger brother is studying at secondary school and me - a student at University of Science, major in Chemistry. In the next semester, I'm becoming a last-year student.

During three years in college, I have learned many useful knowledge that help me understand the components in products such as: structure of chemical, its functions... Specially, I can apply the knowledge learned at college in fact as making up dishwashing liquid, water paint and so on.

I really enjoy chemistry because I want to discover the world. I know that, if I have wide knowledge about chemistry, I can explain all phenomenons of our daily life. Not only that, studying chemistry was my dream when I was a child. So carrying out a chemistry experiment is all my passion. I like research and I will try my best for this.

About my strenght, I'm a hard-worker and creative in solving the problem. Futhermore, I'm an easy-going person that work well with everyone. I feel interested in working with many different people because I think I will learn a variety of knowledge and experience from them. It is also a great chance to challenge myself and expand my mind. Besides that, of course, I will tell something about my weakness. I'm a forgetful man so I often write a list of things I have to do on the note book and stick them on the table, tick them when done. That is the best solution for reminding me not forget what to do.

My hobbies in free time are listenning to music, specially English songs and reading book about researching. But sometimes I read comic books for fun. It really seems to be effective for me to relax.

In the near future, my goals are to get GPA about 8.0, IELTS about 6.5 and graduate with a good certificate. These are the first step for me to study abroad in Korea. I hope I can face to many difficulties, challenge myself and learn more and more knowledge during the time in this country.

After finishing, I will come back to my country and keep on following my desire and work in a foreign company. I want to become a researcher in the R&D so that I can research and develop new processes to manufacture new products: create high-quality products, competitive prices and most importantly environmentally friendly (Currently, many companies only for profit have caused serious consequences to the ecosystem). My long-term goal is before age of 35, I will have my own company, specializing in manufacturing and distributing chemicals and laboratory equipments to domestic and some foreign countries.

I would like to receive this scholarship to ease the financial burden for my parents such as: pay the tuition in school and English class at the center, by the chemicals and equipments needed for the graduation thesis, cover daily living. Also, I want to become a member that I can participate in community activities organized by the Scholarship fund and help many people have difficult situation in life.

Thanh, this is a highly comprehensive biography combined with your personal statement. I would not know where to begin with regards to editing your work at this point. I know that this is a scholarship application but I am hoping that you were given a series of guide questions / instructions / prompt that can help me in reviewing your information. I am not sure which parts are required and which parts can be removed at this point because of the length of the essay. Please post the instructions as soon as you possibly can so that I can offer you a better review of your work and how to improve it.

It is important that we delete some information from this essay such as the description about your parents and your siblings. Those information do not usually come across as relevant in scholarship application essays. That is, unless it is otherwise required by the scholarship application. The focus of the essay should usually be only on you, as the applicant so I am not quite sure where this paper is headed at this point.

Having indicated one of the most commonly deleted sections of these essays, I have to tell you that I cannot proceed with more relevant advice until I receive further instructions from you regarding the content and focus of the essay discussion. Please post the complete instructions as soon as you can and I will be sure to get back to you with a series of usable instructions as soon as I can.

thanks Holt for reminding me. That is my autobiography which I want to attatch for more detail about me.
Now I will show you all about the application form I just have done. I hope you can correct it for me and give me your response.

***EXCHANGE STUDENT PROGRAM***

@What made you motivated to apply for this program?

---> This is really a good opportunity for me to learn and experience new things in Sungkyungkwan University, especially the education and the culture in Korea - the country I always look forward to have the opportunity to study in the near future.

I was really impressed about the formation and the development of Sungkyungkwan University. The university with a long history in Korea which has played the role of education in 500 years. I also really impressed by the size and modern facilities which support of learning and researching for students and scientists fully as well as the scientific achievements of your University. This is an honor for me to be able to continue to study at this reputation university.

About Korea: Whether in Vietnam or anywhere in the world, when we talk about Gimchi, Gimbap or Hanbook, everyone will think of the beautiful Korea, a nation of good films and romance as well as developed music. Moreover, Korea is known for the unique culture, specific and special food, people famous for friendly and hospitable. That is the reason why I love Korea and I always eager to experience Korea in the near future.

Therefore, when I heard the information about Student Exchange Program between three universities in Viet Nam (Ho Chi Minh City - University of Science, Ho Chi Minh City - International University and Ha Noi - University of Science) and Sungkyungkwan University. I have sent this application with the desire to learn and experience the culture - the education of Sungkyungkwan University as well as the country and Korean people. I believe that with the skills and knowledge I have learned and experiences I have been during the exchange will help me improve and develop myself more.

It's an honor for me to become one of the Vietnamese students have the opportunity to learn and experience at Sungkyungkwan University in five-day. While here, I promise to take on my role: comprehending and learning the education style of your University as well as your country and promote the image of Viet Nam and Vietnamese people to Korea.

@What is your major research and study interest?

--->My major at Ho Chi Minh City - University of Science is organic chemistry and my main research related to the synthesis of organic compounds have applications in medicine which use green chemistry methods such as green solvents, green catalyst and microwave method to increase the yield and minimize the adverse effects on ecosystems.

At the present, I am focusing on synthesizing derivatives of dihydrocoumarin from cinnamic acid and various derivatives of phenol, catalyzed by Amberlyst 15 (A-15) as well as studying the reuse and recycling of catalyst A-15 in esterification reactions.

@Which major/area you would like to follow at SKKU College of Science?

--->I have read your website and found some impressive information about the size and the infrastructure of your College. If I have the opportunity to come there, I would like to visit the classrooms and the laboratories of every faculty of your College, especially the chemical laboratory, because I look for ward to learn the special in scientific research style and educational style of your College as well as the desire to learn a variety of knowledge and experience from it.

@Which faculty member you would like to do research with? Why is that?

--->If I have the opportunity to study and work at Sungkyunkwan University, I am looking forward to working with the faculty member of Chemistry because this is a major which I am studying in Vietnam.

Especially to be guided by Mr. Song Chongeui, professor at College of Science, major in Chemistry. I have read your website and found that the main research of Mr. Song related to Organic Chemistry - a major of mine at University of Science. I was really interested in his subject as well as his research, such as:

 Hydrogen bonding mediated enantioselective organocatalysis in brine: significant rate acceleration and
enhanced stereoselectivity in enantioselective Michael addition reactions of 1,3-dicarbonyls to betanitroolefins.

 Fluorination reactions in ionic liquids: a mechanistic study towards solvent engineering.

 A mild and efficient method for the selective deprotection of silyl ethers using KF in the presence of
tetraethylene glycol.

And other impressive science topics which was worked-out by him.

@What is your future goal as a scientist?

As a scientist, I want to become a researcher in the R&D so that I can research and develop new processes to manufacture new products: create high-quality products, competitive prices and most importantly environmentally friendly (Currently, many companies only for profit have caused serious consequences to the ecosystem). My long-term goal is before age of 35, I will have my own company, specializing in manufacturing and distributing chemicals and laboratory equipments to domestic and some foreign countries.

Thanh, before I proceed with advising you regarding how to best present this essay, can you please tell me if you are supposed to really present the information in question and answer format instead of an essay format? Either way, your responses to the prompts are too long. I wonder, do you have a word count requirement for this essay? If you do, then the format you are using to respond to the prompt is automatically wrong. You need to provide us with the name of the student exchange program that you are applying to as well. Each exchange student program has differing requirements for their applicants so the name of the program is necessary for the proper assessment of your responses.

By the way, you should really look into merging your discussions because the essay is running way too long for a scholarship application. Are we still talking about the scholarship application in this case? The content of your responses do not sound like they are necessary in a scholarship application. If this is not for the scholarship, please open a new thread and repost this essay there. You are violating the one topic per thread ruling of the forum by posting a new topic in an old thread. Sorry about that.

Thank you so much. This is an Exchange Student Program. Please access the website below for more detail: cscience.skku.edu/eng_cscience/menu6/Resource_Notice.jsp?mode=view&article_no=308809

I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Thanh, please format your response in an essay form instead of this outline form. Make sure to follow the protocol regarding the way the responses to the questions should be enumerated within the essay. You should not be presenting your responses in this outline format because the reviewer is looking for fluidity in your response and connections between your thoughts and sentiments being drawn out by the questions you are being asked.

The only way that we can properly edit the content and see the fluidity in your writing is when you serve this up in essay form for review. I suggest that you do that first then we can review the content for relevance to the guide questions. By the way, we will only help you edit the paper, you have to write the essay yourself. We cannot write this paper for you. If you wish to have this paper written for you, then you will have to hire a professional writing service instead.