Hi, I'm applying for a scholarship and I need to do a essay that should contain:
-Motivations which you apply for this program
-Education and family background
-Significant experiences you have had, achievements.
-Extracurricular activities
-Awards
OBS: English is not my first language
Please help to make the essay more unique.
SCHOLARSHIP ESSAY STATEMENT OF PURPOSE
I was born in one of the less developed regions of XXX and, throughout my life, I saw my parents struggling to afford a good school for me and my brother, because we are not a family with much financial capacity. As I grew up I comprehended how education can change a person's life, being the basis for the progress and development of the population. Consequently, I have always sought excellence and, in high school, I won first place in the rank of my class for the three years, constantly devoting myself to achieving excellent grades. I also won several school Olympics, such as the Olympiad of Portuguese and Mathematics, Olympiad of English and Spanish, Simulated Tests that were worth prizes in the school and in 2017 I passed to the second level of the XXX.
I worked teaching homework and instruments to children because I can play electric piano, guitar, and bass. Thus, since I was thirteen years old I actively participated in the Worship Group of my church and in community services offered to the neighborhood, like visiting a nursing home. I also coordinated some youth events directed to help society, such as preparing a Children's Day party for needy kids. When I was 15 years old I started volunteering in a project called XXX, that works every week helping children, being one of the most significant experiences that I have ever had. There I was able to deal with kids who live in risky areas and have a life completely different from mine. The parents of various of them, unfortunately, are drug users and some have already been arrested, therefore in this project, I could be a model for the kids, seeking to give them peaceful days. Those activities gave me a broader view of the world and made me develop important values such as perseverance, patience, the ability to deal with others, responsibility, leadership, teamwork, proactivity, organizational skills and to strive for the best possible result.
I want to have a great education, however, I realized that most of the time it is difficult to receive a qualified education living in an underdeveloped place without a stable financial structure. I wish to study abroad because it is a chance that I will have to be a differentiated professional. I am proud of learning and improving my English by myself and also learned how to speak Spanish. I also started learning Korean on my own. I choose the XXX Scholarship because the country is currently one of the most technologically advanced markets, with renowned universities. So, in the future, I will be able to stand out among the competitors for having the diploma of one of the leading countries in the field of education.
The economist Daniel Tudor described XXX as "The impossible Nation". This caught my attention, despite the fact that it is about the economic factor, I began to see the country as the land where my impossible goals could come true. I admire the nation for having a high quality of education and prioritize it. During the period of Japanese Domination, Koreans believed that education would provide a foundation for independence, an example of strength and wisdom which I would like my country to have. Besides, it is a country with a vastly different culture from mine, permitting me to use different chances to learn from a different point of view.
In school I always liked math, but I wanted to study a subject that could also enhance my creativity.Then I discovered the Architecture Engineering major and I judged this as my plan in life. However, it is an area not yet well-developed in my region and a major that does not exist in any universities in my country. Consequently, XXX is the only alternative for me to course this major and pursue this career. It would allow me to have an immeasurable formation that would help be an example for the young generation of my country, allowing me to do something that I could never do in my homeland. I would have the opportunity to create progress in my community upon returning to my country. Having this experience I can promote XXX as a great country, participating in and helping with the interaction, bonding, and friendship between South XXX and XXX.
Last year I applied for the XXX, but, unfortunately, I could not receive the scholarship. Even though it was a disappointment, I decided to not desist and persevere to achieve my dream. I determined to devote myself to developing a more proper candidature this cycle. Since then I have studied more and started taking Korean language courses. Lamentably, I was not able to take the Test of Proficiency because it is not applied in my state and I would not have money to travel to a city so far away. However, I attached the certificates of the courses I did to prove my commitment. In my journey to discover more about the korean culture, I learned about the word "Manse" (만세), which means the resilience spirit of the Korean people, practiced in times of resistance. This word helped the country become the great nation that it is today. I use this word to inspire myself and even in the face of the difficulties I had, I try not to give up and become a better human being. After not getting the XXX scholarship, I overcame the difficulties and worked to be a more suitable candidate.@vivianlima
Hello there. Welcome to the forum. I'll do my best to provide you with writing feedback on this topic. I hope you find this beneficial to your application!
First and foremost, the general flow of your composition is well-done. You have quite a structured and organized approach to portraying vividly the reason as to why you have chosen this. Because of this, I think that the majority of what you should focus on should be based on ensuring that you have a clearer manner of relaying the meaning. For instance, try to create shorter and more concise sentences. Doing this would assist you in writing meaningful content because the meaning does not get lost in the process.
While the way you have reiterated your experiences is put-together, I would suggest trying to be more specific with your outlook. Try to focus on adding portions that would assist you in explaining thoughts and opinions.
If you can divide a sentence into two different points, opt to do so.
Best of luck as always.
