Mechanical Engineering - Statement for Study loan

Prompt: In 100 words or more, state why you choose this course of study and why you believe you are suited for it.
please help spot any bad hooks or conclusions in this essay thank you guys

During my secondary years, I couldn't find any interest in any subject, and I was ushered into the science stream with zero career goals. Though I still managed to achieve good grades, I felt unfulfilled, lacking the sense of accomplishment that could only ever come from pursuing something meaningful. I wasted most of my time playing many different games, and ironically, it was Minecraft that helped me discover my passion. While playing with friends, I began building automatic machines that farmed resources efficiently - this eventually became much deeper for me. I felt such pride in providing and serving my friends and I was finally contributing some real value.
I fell in love with creating systems, complex problem-solving, and innovating for a positive impact. This experience gave me the drive I had been missing and has led me to pursue engineering. I believe that I am made for this field as I enjoy working with technology while working well with teams. Likewise, UNM's Mechanical Engineering program will help me hone my skills, breaking boundaries to develop sustainable, meaningful solutions that can improve the lives of others.

I strongly recommend that you revise the start of this essay. The last thing a reviewer wants to read is a student who tells him about his negatives when it comes to career choices during his secondary years. That will lead the reviewer to believe that you are not totally sold on your college course either and may either shift courses or totally drop out of college in the future. He will not consider you a viable college candidate at that point and could reject your application. What you should do is remove that part and just start with he explanation about Roblox. It sounds inspiring enough so build on that. Remove any possible negative connotations in that part of your writing. Spin it. Make this so positive that the reviewer will believe you are serious about your major and that you will finish the course. Include a reference as to why you chose the university.