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Why do you want to be a member of City Year? -- Essay



alesha ricole 1 / 2  
Mar 10, 2011   #1
This essay is to be 300 words or less. I feel as though it's good, but not sure on if I should elaborate on my future goals and how City Year would help in achieving those goals.

Why do you want to become a City Year corps member?

Helping people is a passion of mine. Whether it is volunteering or being the shoulder to lean on, knowing that I made even the smallest difference in someone's life puts a huge smile on my face. It is a main reason why I am working towards becoming a counselor. I would love to work in a school district, but before that can be done, I would need experience working first hand with the children.

City year would be a tremendous opportunity to gain the experience I feel is necessary to understand what truly goes on in the classroom. Teachers are some of the most influential people in the world because of what they can show young, developing minds. A teacher can have some amazing ideas to make the classroom better, but without the proper financial and emotional support, those ideas would be more difficult to achieve.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Mar 12, 2011   #2
This first sentence does not need to be so simplistic.
Helping people is a passion of mine.

Start it this way:
Whether it is volunteering or being the shoulder to lean on, knowing that I made even the smallest difference in someone's life puts a huge smile on my face. ---That is a really nice sentence.

This is good so far, but now it needs SUBSTANCE. For example, you can discuss the types of counseling that interest you. You can discuss the philosophy of education that resonates with you. And YES, I agree that you should discuss your plan. Show that you have several goals you plan to achieve before particular dates of the year. Show how motivated you are to enact the plan you have been devising.

:-)


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