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Motivation Statement for AAS - applying for a master degree in Public Health

albertedwn 1 / 2  
Mar 24, 2021   #1

Motivation Statement for AAS

Dear All, I am preparing my motivation statement for Australia Award Scholarship. Kindly need your help to give me some insights and thank you.

Why did you choose your proposed course and institution? *max 2000 chars

I am applying for a master degree in Public Health which the study can excel my abilities in the area of adolescent engagement and nutrition intervention strategy. It has prepared me with robust knowledge and practical skills to develop strategic approach and creative intervention design. With those rationales, I strongly believe that the course will help me to enlarge my career opportunities.

My current work is conducting adolescent nutrition program in schools. As consultant, I am responsible to support district government with technical assistance and to scale up program in the larger number of schools. Along the way, the arisen issue is related to the lack sense of ownership to continue program with minimum stakeholder participation and limited resources. The gap is hoped to be addressed with the study I will pursue, specifically about health social and advocacy strategy.

In so doing, I choose Master of Public Health at The University of Sydney because the course offers specialisation on health promotion and advocacy. Their lecturers come from expertise background in nutrition and health policy in Asia-Pacific and this is similar situation happened in Indonesia. It gives me chance to learn directly about advocacy strategy from academic experts which the course presents the core of how framing health issues and political lobbying. As a result, it will be applied to adolescent nutrition development in UNICEF and district government at large scale.

On second thought, The University of Melbourne has Master of Public Health with concentration on health social sciences. The course offers community-based participatory research (CBPR) competency as basic modality to create health promotion strategy. UNICEF and district government are looking towards participatory approach to enhance knowledge, attitude and practice of adolescents. The strategy will allow me to capture promising practices and lessons-learned for district authorities to develop program.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,552 3449  
Mar 25, 2021   #2
Remove the phrase "On second thought". By using that phrase, you are saying that you were not interested in the University of Melbourne but then changed your mind. Making that second choice university weak and irrelevant. The phrase makes it sound like you did not have a choice so you chose that university as a second stringer. Never make either university sound like a "no other option" choice. You never know which university you might end up in or, if your wording might make you lose out on the scholarship because you seem disinterested in your second choice university. Try to find a real time application for the second course choice as you did in the first choice. That way the reviewer will know about the other needs of Indonesia that you hope to address with this second course choice, if need be.
jackkenshi - / 3  
Mar 25, 2021   #3
Hey bro.. I'm also applying this year. I get this input and I think you will find it helpful as well.

The question is asking you to justify the relevance of the course you have chosen and the university curriculum with your current professional skills, required theoretical and practical skills advancement, and future professional plans.

Stay excite bro.
yanbro 1 / 2  
Mar 29, 2021   #4
i guess you need to be more specific about enlarging your career opportunity.
MsC 1 / 5 1  
Mar 29, 2021   #5
@albertedwn Hi..it's a nice essay. however, if it turns to scholarship essays, you have to make sure that your writing has answered what the question is.

first of all, being bold is needed here. highlight your strongest reason why it should be that universities and courses, what curricula or modules suit your career path - at the beginning of essays. please introduce your specific goals (reasonable, feasible, and brief as they might be).

at the third paragraph: "and this is similar situation ...." >> I have no idea where the word "this" refers to.

Best of luck with your application!
OP albertedwn 1 / 2  
Mar 30, 2021   #6
@Holt Thank you for the input. I am trying to tie the proposed subject with my career needs in my second course option, but it seems a bit weak. Thank you.
OP albertedwn 1 / 2  
Mar 30, 2021   #7

Thanks for your feedback. I used to make the strategy you mentioned for my previous application last year, but it turns out I did not win this scholarship. I think my essay did not look too personal or they might assume like a copy-paste from the university website, I imagine there are thousand essays having similar pattern to describe subject or curriculum and it is not like a real application, thus I made my current essay with simply answers and very personal statement. Anyway thank you for reading my essay, I will revise a part in third paragraph.
MsC 1 / 5 1  
Mar 30, 2021   #8

keep fighting! you will pass the scholarship at the right time.
so, actually what I mean is not by simply copying the information on the website of universities. hmm, take for the example: "after doing deep research about public health courses at universities in Australia, the University of Melbourne has appealed to my objectives in several ways. first, the course offers XXX module which will equip me with Y skills and the opportunity to take part in health promotion in Aussie. as one of my plans is to increase the awareness of nutrition among adolescents,it will strengthen me with bla bla bla....

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