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My Motivations is Study abroad and Significant Experience - Personal Statement KGSP

Nrdkize 1 / 3  
Oct 5, 2015   #1
Hello everyone , I am applying for KGSP (Korean Government Scholarship Program) and this is my personal statement.

- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Personal background in family and education
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you

- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences

Someone says to study abroad is creating a chance for yourself very much.An important aspect of the study is having new experience that is different from what you already known, learn to adapt to the new culture, open new perspectives for yourself, have new problem-solving skills which will develop the communication skills and build more relationships with other people and especially important is to have a chance to work abroad. These important motivations made me choose to study abroad and I have decided to get a scholarship from Korea because I'm sure that I will enhance my educational opportunities and it will help in my future career.

Nowadays, Korea emphasizes the education, the competition is very high, and there are many prestigious top-rated universities of the world. A prominent academic fields, whether Art, Science and Business-related courses. Employment opportunities range from international investors all over the world. Also I think this is a great opportunity to get in cultural exchanges with Korea.

My family has a total of four people, parents, brother, and me personally; I like to think like a plan to solve immediate problems. The subjects that I like the most are Math and English. I have an interest in Business Administration during my high school I made a commitment to study a university in Business Administration. Everyone in the family helps me a lot about learning and especially my father, who was the driving force and motivation. I usually advise various commentaries that encourage me to study and bring arguments which have adapted to life.

A significant experience in my high school age is to be selected to serve as a head of the class room, a representative of the teachers to take care of the class students. Because of my habits are friendly, speak skill, good communication skill, have a leadership skill, can guide and convince friends to do the right things. From getting the opportunity to serve as head of the class room, I have new working experience which was another testthat would be experienced in a work day ahead whether working in a working environment where people have different cultures both personality and perspective on social skill, perseverance, patience and responsibility development.

Another activity in my memory is organizing volunteer working group with the school to teach students at the backcountry schoolby accepting the donated money and items of Donors to purchase equipment for teaching to the teachers and elementary school children. I got the teaching and learning skills both on the course and off the course. There are many recreation activities to do together. By doing this activity together, for me it's numerous benefits whether working as a group, unity in the community, sacrifice, the communication skill, problem solving skill, contributing to public, use the time to benefit, learnsomething different and learn from actual practice, work seriously and works regardless of the outcome will be, but fully functional.

What do you think about my personal statement ? . Please help me and give me some suggestions to improve . Thank you in advance
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 5, 2015   #2
Nira, my opinion is that the essay is not as strong as it should be at the moment. Your motivation for studying abroad is good but incomplete. You need to add a portion about why you think the KGSP grant will help you achieve your academic and career goals. What is your plan? How does the scholarship program fit into it? Can you tell them anything about your plans for study and your immediate career after graduation? Those are the kinds of information that often enhance a scholarship essay.

You need to discuss more about your interest in Business Administration if that is where your interests lie. Tell us why you think your future lies in this field. How does studying in Korea address your need for further education in this field? What is it about Korean business management that you think makes it stand out from others? The idea is to show the reviewer how much you can learn from your time in Korea. How do you plan to utilize the various opportunities that come with the scholarship?

What your essay lacks as of now is just a clear career plan. We can skip the high school age experience because as a masters degree student, we really need to know more about your college development in relation to your chosen masters degree. So you can delete that part and use it for the other more important parts of your essay development.

I hope that you will consider my suggestions and use what you feel you can to help improve the content and presentation of your essay. Best of luck!
OP Nrdkize 1 / 3  
Oct 6, 2015   #3
Thank you very much vangiespen I will improve my personal statement as your suggestions I applying for Bachelor degree and here is my study plan

A. Study plans to improve foreign languages(Korean, English, etc) required for taking a bachelor's degree course
BEFOREand AFTER you come to Korea

As I am enthusiastic, always try to learn something new. Before I go to Korea I am interested in other languages apart from English, such as Japan and Korea, and my place doesn't have language institute. I must strive to educate myself. I chose to study Korean language because there are countless online courses making it easy to learn and study. I can communicate with native speakers such as these websitesHowtostudykorean.com, talktomeinkorean.com and so on.

For English as a second language I learned it's nearly 12 years as it has been cultivated since childhood.I can communicate very well and I have a great confidence.

The first thing to realize after go to Korea is that. Korean language is a part of life.Take one year to learn and give the priority to Korean, increase the speaking and listening skills in everyday life, whether watching TV programs, radio shows and chatting with friends. Since I have to attend classes that are conducted in Korean, I will have to pass a proficiency test TOPIK 4-5levelon a given level then I can start life as a student at the University of Korea.

B. Study plan for a bachelor's degree course (Please state the reason you choose such universities and departments (or majors), your academic goals, specific plans (including timeline) to achieve them, and future plan after completion of your study. In case that preferred departments (or majors) of the preferred universities are different, please mention about them separately.)

My intention is to choose to study an undergraduate degree in Business Administration because I have a dream to be a CEO of a successful company in a foreign country. So I want to develop and strengthen strategic business skills and leadership. During the middle ages I have an experience serving as class room leader. I had a work environment where people are from different cultures, personalities and perspectives, so the ability to work as a team is essential to success. I am therefore very confident that my skills will help me achieve professional level and in my business administration career.

I chose to study in all three Undergraduate universities, including Korea University, Sogang University and Kyunghee University because there are prestigious universities in Korea, the most recognized worldwide. Taught by teachers who graduated from university in America and abroad who can provide personal experience and advice to promote my knowledge. There are many educational facilities. A unique feature of the business administration for each university and cooperation projects with abroad universities and the extensive course content that these universities offer.

My academic goal is to engage in the university activities and get a degree in Business Administration and after I achieve my academic goal, I plan on a professional career, starting as a Chief Executive Officer or manager in foreign companies using the skills, knowledge and experience from the university student period apply to working life.

In the future, I expect that the Business Administration that I learn from the university will help me develop myself as a manager and have the opportunity to move to a senior management position in accordance with the goals I have set the challenge. Because working on a management board must be under pressure from the leaders and staff to take care of a lot and I also look forward to have another opportunity to cooperate with Korea again, jointing together to develop a higher organization standard.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 6, 2015   #4
Nira, since you are applying for a Korean scholarship grant, I think it would be in your best interest to concentrate solely on learning the Korean language to the point of native proficiency. The reason for that is simple. Under the scholarship you are applying for, the Korean government will shoulder the costs of 1 year language classes and then sponsor some additional studies related to learning the language. So, it would be best not to muddle the issue with English and other languages. Just explain, as best as you can, why you think learning Korean will be of a huge benefit to you once you become a professional.

During the middle ages I have an experience serving as class room leader.
- I sincerely hope you mean high school. The middle ages were centuries ago :-) Please change the term to something more appropriate. Like Middle School or high school.

Choose only one university to attend. The scholarship will not send you to all 3 schools. Choose the one you like best and build your academic plans around the objectives of that university. You cannot tell the reviewer that you plan to attend all 3 schools. You cannot do that. You can only attend one school at a time. He needs to know which school you will commit to. This is not something you can change your mind about. You have to commit to a school.

Have a more realistic career goal. You will not get a job as a CEO unless you start your own business and give yourself the title. You will always start at a rank and file or junior management position. You will need to rethink and replan your career goals leading up to your becoming a CEO.

There are really numerous grammatical errors in this essay but I do not want to address it until we have constructed the correct responses for the prompts. I'll help you clean it up when the time is right :-)
OP Nrdkize 1 / 3  
Oct 6, 2015   #5
Thak you very much agian vangiespen but there is something I don't understand Please give me a detailed explanation of academic explanation of plans around the objectives of the university
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 6, 2015   #6
This will require some research on your part. You will need to do an online search about the university that you want to attend and study their student criteria. What do they look for in their typical student? How do you think you fit into that academic field?Some universities have specific missions and objectives in mind for their students. So you have to study the background of each university and choose which one you think aligns most with your academic, social, and civic interests.

If you are looking to become a CEO in the future, then you will want to look into universities that offer relevant internships, classes, projects, etc. that can help you prepare for this field. I am not sure which of the universities will offer the program that you will be interested in. You have time to choose. Once you have chosen a university based on their academic offerings, then you can create your academic plan.

Take your time in choosing your school, make sure that they offer you the kind of business education that you are looking for. That is why you create an academic plan. You have 3 choices at the moment. Pick the school that is closest to your academic interests and can help you launch your business career in the future. That is how you create an academic plan :-)

Please, feel free to ask more clarification questions if you need to. I'll be happy to guide you.
OP Nrdkize 1 / 3  
Oct 6, 2015   #7
Is it good academic goal ? vangiespen

The second of the four visions of the Korean university business school said. DECENTRALIZATION is a business school that boats autonomy and professionalism in each program and ETHICAL AND RESPONSIBLE management is a business school that fosters business leader contribute to society.

It gives me great confidence that my academic goal is achieved.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 6, 2015   #8
Well, that could serve as one academic goal for you. You said the school has 4 visions. Do you share these visions with the school? Why don't you look into how those visions could help you achieve your goals also? It isn't really hard to come up with an academic plan. However, you need to know how you want to conduct the next 4 years of your academic life and then the next 5 years after that. All of those plans are considered goals that are tied together in one plan.

Now that you know the vision of Korean University, why don't you examine your own vision for your professional career? Is that the direction you want to head into? Can you see yourself achieving your full potential at the school based upon the perceived requirements for the course? How do you think the KGSP scholarship can help you stay on track at the university in order to meet the university and course requirements?

Try to think of your vision for your academic life in Korea. What do you hope to learn from the university and their professors? How do you plan to gain experience in the Korean business community while you are there? Are there any specific business administration programs or internships at the university that you hope to participate in so that you can train with the best people in the Korean business world?

Once you find that you have answered all of those questions, then you will be able to formulate the correct academic goal for yourself. I wish you the best while you draft that plan of yours :-)

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