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"We're moving again?" "We just moved here and now we're leaving?" My monster under the bed.


marshmelloeman 1 / 1  
Mar 19, 2015   #1
Prompt: Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors helped you to grow? 650 word Limit

"We're moving again?"
"We just moved here and now we're leaving?"
Moving had been a huge part of my life. Moving to me had always been the monster under the bed, an omnipresent, intangible fear that could never be quelled with "It's going to be okay" or "You'll love this new place!" With each move, I felt myself becoming more and more of a recluse. It was not meeting new people that frightened me so much but rather the bullying that would come with it.

The first move was in the summer going into the second grade. I am a Korean-American and the majority of places that my family had moved to were to places where the only Asian people in a hundred mile radius were my family. Needless to say, the schools very rarely had Asian kids and most of the time I was the first to be. In the second grade, I was so ignorant that I did not even know what the definition of Asian was. I did not see myself differently and the color of skin was so inconsequential that I did not even consider it when I met someone new. It never occurred to me that my eyes were a different shape and my name sounded funny. I did not know why I seemed to feel excluded and like an outcast. It was during the second grade that my proclivity for being a recluse truly manifested. And amidst all that, it was time to move again.

The most heart aching, fear imposing move that still plagues my heart is the move during the summer going into the sixth grade. Going into school on the first day of sixth grade, I knew what to expect. "Ching chang chong" would be chanted into my face while people would ask me if I could see out of my eyes while simultaneously pulling the sides of their own eyes to mimic my "chink eyes" as they would phrase it. The first two weeks of school went like this and it was during these times that I would default to my recluse habit of simply not talking in order to avoid any denunciation. Although this move was the most distraught for me, it was this move that brought out the best in me. It was this move that I thought that things would be different.

In order for things to be different, I would need to develop friends. So I joined many school clubs and sports in the hopes to gain new friendships. All the while, I tried to stop being so anxious and scared of new opportunities and people. I simply wanted to enjoy school and all the education that could be offered without restrictions from fear of bullying. And although my situation was better, I felt as if I were being ignored, as if I were a transparent piece of plastic and people could see right through me. "This is better than being bullied," I thought to myself but I knew that I was not satisfied. I wanted to pervade into people's lives and become so consequential that people would have to notice me, for the good things of course. So, I became the president of National Junior Honors Society and will be running for President of National Honors Society. I was awarded student of the year and thus my era of anxiety of bullying and being ignored came to a close.

I used to resent all the moves we made. I thought for sure that moving would be the destruction of me and who I truly am. But I learned many things from them. I learned the value of friendship. I learned that hard work will not go unnoticed. I am thankful for the moves because through them I became bolder and more confident. Through the moves, I have found myself.
lynzee22 - / 90 37  
Mar 19, 2015   #2
Wow that was really well-written! Great job. Just a few suggestions below

I am a Korean-American and the majority of places that my family had moved to were to places where the only Asian people in a hundred mile radius were my family. This sentence is a bit awkward. Maybe rephrase it. Ex: ...that my family moved to were places where we were the only Asian family within a hundred mile radius.

The transition between your 2nd and 3rd paragraph does not flow. It sounds like you're still talking about the move in 2nd grade when you start your 3rd paragraph. here is one suggestion on how to fix that.

It was during the second grade that my proclivity for being a recluse truly manifested. And amidst all that, it was time to move again.I dealt with frequent moves throughout my life.

The most heart aching, fear imposing move that still plagues my heart is the move during the summer going into the sixth grade.
OP marshmelloeman 1 / 1  
Mar 20, 2015   #3
Thanks for the feedback lynzee22!
"I am a Korean-American and the majority of places that my family had moved to were to places where the only Asian people in a hundred mile radius were my family." I was actually having trouble phrasing this sentence while writing this essay so thanks for the suggestion!

And I'll be sure to modify that transition. Thanks again!


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