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A MSc Finance Scholarship Essay on Home Country - Kenya Benefit


Hello everyone,
I am Michael Musila and I'm applying for the Commonwealth Shared scholarship. Kindly review my essay below and help me to perfect it by making suggestions on area that can be improved.

The Prompts is;
You are advised in your statement to describe how your plan of study relates to development in your sector and country. Please say how, on your return, you will apply your new skills and qualifications, and what outcomes you will hope to achieve. This could usefully be related to a national development priority or objective. Please also suggest how the impact of the potential benefits of your work might be measured.

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Home country Benefit

My immediate plan upon returning to Kenya is to work within a large company in the private sector or a leading financial consortium for two years. This will accord me an opportunity to apply the knowledge and skills acquired during my study at the UK. Afterwards, I will seek an opportunity to teach in a public university as an assistant lecturer so as to share my knowledge, skills and professional experience with the youth at the university who need these the most. At the same time, I will research immensely on Kenyan financial markets and emerging financial accountability challenges.

After five years of professional work, experience and research, I plan to undertake my PhD. Programme in UK to deepen my analytical skills and research techniques in financial. Here, I plan to capitalize on the opportunity to learn from professionals with real life experience on how best principles and practises in accounting and finance contribute toward economic development.

Upon completion of this programme, I intend to come back to Kenya and continue mentoring young professionals in our universities as a lecturer and a researcher. To enlighten Kenyans on financial matter, will publish widely and I will give public lecturer across the Kenyan universities and institutions of higher learning on current financial trends. Moreover, I will author and co-author papers for presentation during business forums and conferences to advice the government and the entire industry player on how to handle financial matters in today's turbulent business environment. Additionally,

I will establish an Accounting and Finance consultation firm to provide professional advice on financial matters to Parastatals and all financial institutions in need of such services.

This will help Kenya to produce highly qualified and better informed finance professional annually from public universities' undergraduate and graduate programmes. Eventually, the professional will take up key positions as government officials and corporate leaders and they will make good policies and collaboration to foster rapid economic growth in Kenya.

That way, my home country will benefit from both my short term and long term career plans.

Objectives during the award
My objectives during the award are as follow:
- To acquire cutting edge skills and experience in financial planning, management, and analysis so as to advance my professional skills as a financial accountant.
- To achieve the highest level of scholastic excellence possible in this programme.
- To build a strong professional network with classmates and other professional in the UK.
- To learn more about the British culture and western music.

Hi, Musila,

Great try. But to be honest, I just read another application for this scholarship in this forum, and I am afraid that you really need to make more efforts to improve your essay.

Sometimes, you need little skills to make the content vivid. For example, when you talk about the financial challenges, could you give some statistical analysis or data? Try to make it convincing and professional.

And when it comes to profession, a great application should show the interviewers your strengths and specific skills. You want to major in economics or something else. Show them you are quite good at it and you have potentials in the future. So they will "invest" in your education.

In addition, I am confused about your objectives-----the culture and music one. If you want to state that, I think you'd better give more reasons and details. What is the underlying connection among culture, music, scholarship, financial education and country's development ?

I'm not sure whether these suggestions can be helpful. Anyway,wish you success!
Hello Musila.. Let me try to give you feedbacks on your essay.

Paragraph 1 :
1. This will accord me an opportunity to apply the(applying my) knowledge and skills acquired during my study at(in) the UK.

2. Afterwards, I will seek an(valuable) opportunity to teach in a public university as an assistant lecturer(COMMA) so as to(I can) share my knowledge, skills and professional experience with the youth(students) at the university who need these the most.

Paragraph 2 :
After(In the next) five years of professional work, experience(COMMA) and research, I plan to undertake my PhD. Programme in (the) UK to deepen(strengthen) my analytical skills and research techniques in financial. Here, I plan to capitalize on the opportunity(chance) to learn from professionals with real life ...

Paragraph 3 :

Upon completion(After finishing) of this programme, I intend(tend) to come back to Kenya and continue mentoring(leading) young professionals in our universities as a lecturer and a researcher ......... Moreover, I will (be an) author and co-author papers for presentation during(on) business forums and conferences to advice ....

Thank you so much. I hope you will get this scholarship for your Master Degree. Good luck! Keep struggle! :)
  Closed ✓


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