'Music' - Your career path & how its education will improve life in the community

Music is the absolute love of my life. A life empty of passions and exuberance is too shallow when life is so precious and ephemeral. Since I was young, I knew music and I were bound together by fate. My years of experience in violin playing and performances in the school Wind Ensemble have shown me that music is where my heart belongs. It is my safe haven. Music has never failed to console and alleviate my troubles. In fact, music dispersed racial divisions when I immigrated to the United States. With no prior knowledge of the American language or its culture, I formed lasting friendships through the melodies from my violin.

I believe music can positively shape a person's life. The rich resonance and emotion that music conveys has the power to evoke feelings inexpressible through words or actions. To transfer to the universal community such exquisite expressions, I intend to further my goal by attending Butler University and double major in Arts Administration- Music Department and Finance. I have confidence in my diligence as an individual that I will continue to strive for my personal best in my college studies to become a successful and efficient arts administrator. I aspire to instill the exhilarating sensations that are possible from music into the lives of the world-wide community. I want to expand the arts/music program so even those who are not economically capable to afford or physically able to perform will be able to find joy in music.

In today's society, music is in constant motion. With the growing interest of today's youth in modern music, I will congregate varieties of creativity by introducing contemporary music while maintaining a solid foundation in classical literature. I seek to expand the capacity of creativity and to bring forth to the community passion and happiness to experience a colorful life. I desire the music within me to amplify for all to hear.

I really liked it, but I think you should add two more lines to the ending. the closing paragraph needs a conclusion. But overall I really liked it, I can feel you passion for music.

I like it a lot. Very concise. Maybe add a little more how you will contribute it to the community.. i know how you want to contribute...but how exactly will you do it...?

not a big deal though