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Pediatric Scholarship-Personal Achievements essay


danielledimac 1 / 1  
Jun 26, 2012   #1
This essay is for a nursing scholarship. This is the prompt: A 2‐page double spaced typed essay describing your personal achievements and career aspirations.

My essay needs A LOT of work. I'm having trouble showing how proud I am of my accomplishment, instead of just saying it. The personal achievement I wrote about was how I improved on my communication skills, which is essential in the field of nursing. I also haven't written the part for my career aspirations.

Here is my essay, which is far from finished! (For the first sentence, I haven't filled in the actual blood gas values.)

"Evaluate the blood gas values: A patient comes in with a PCO2 of, a PO2 of, and a pH of." Respiratory acidosis, I thought. A few hands rose, but I sat quietly in my seat with my hands folded in front of me. "Respiratory acidosis," someone called out. "One thousand points for Team 2," my professor announced, as my team let out a sigh of disappointment. Why didn't I raise my hand and answer the question? I was afraid. What if I was wrong? I would be so embarrassed. I was full of chagrin as I walked out of my nursing lab class that morning.

As an aspiring nurse, I knew my introverted personality would ultimately hinder my ability to succeed in the field. I thought about how my lack of assertiveness and participation in my nursing classes would affect my performance in the clinical setting. What if I was too afraid to tell a doctor that she ordered the incorrect drug for a client? What if I was hesitant to suggest a different treatment option for a client's diagnosis? I realized my communication skills were subpar, and I needed to push myself to overcome my anxiety when it came to speaking up.

I decided to take things one step at a time, hoping to see small changes slowly become bigger ones. My heart would begin to race just at the thought of answering or asking a question during class. I would remind myself that taking the risk and getting the answer wrong was better than not answering at all, and asking one of my "stupid" questions might help my other peers who had the same problem in mind. Over time, I let go of my doubts and began participating more in class; even a one-word answer gave me a boost of confidence that I carried with me for the next class.

The assurance I gained in the classroom still needed to be put to the test in the clinical setting. My pediatric rotation was particularly difficult for me, as I had to figure out a way to effectively communicate with a younger client, along with his or her family. The added stress of having to interact with members of the healthcare team proved to be an even greater challenge. On one of my clinical days, I found the mother of my 6-month old client giving her child a dose of Simethicone, which was not ordered by the provider. At first, I was hesitant to approach the mother, but I mustered up the courage and explained that, although she had good intentions, she could not administer the client any medication. I felt relieved I was able to speak to the mother; after informing my clinical instructor of the situation, however, she encouraged me to speak to the physician about addressing the mother's concerns that her baby might be having too much gas. Of course, to a seasoned nurse, this task would probably be very simple for him or her. As an inexperienced student nurse, I was terrified. I walked slowly to the physician as I felt my palms begin to sweat. "Excuse me, doctor?" It took only about 23 seconds to explain the situation to him, but it felt like minutes flew by as I spoke. After our brief conversation, I smiled to myself knowing I successfully accomplished two things: I met the needs of a client and his family, and I was able to push through my anxiety while communicating with the client's mother and the physician.

mppaniz 3 / 6  
Jun 26, 2012   #2
"Evaluate the blood gas values: A patient comes in with a PCO2 of, a PO2 of, and a pH of." Respiratory acidosis, I thought. A few hands rose, but I sat quietly in my seat with my hands folded in front of me. "Respiratory acidosis," someone called out. "One thousand points for Team 2," my professor announced, as my team let out a sigh of disappointment. Why I did not raise my hand and answer the question? I was afraid. What if I was wrong? I would be so embarrassed?. I was full of chagrin as I walked out of my nursing lab class that morning.

As an aspiring nurse, I knew my introverted personality would ultimately hinder my ability to succeed in the field. I thought about how my lack of assertiveness and participation in my nursing classes would affect my performance in the clinical setting. What if I was too afraid to tell a doctor that she ordered the incorrect drug for a client? What if I was hesitant to suggest a different treatment option for a client's diagnosis? I realized my communication skills were subpar, and I needed to push myself to overcome my anxiety when it came to speaking up.

Hi sorry I could not work out how to write in different colour. However in whole the language for a CV is too informal and many questions and you shouldn't use didn't is informal.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jun 26, 2012   #3
Hi Danielle,

You have written it nicely and there's no problem with your writing skills. My only worry is whether they (selectors) would take this as a strong personal achievement because it sounds more like one of your personal struggles that you overcame successfully. Just give some thought on this. :)
OP danielledimac 1 / 1  
Jun 26, 2012   #4
Hi dumi,

Thank you so much for your input! I've thought about this as well, but I have to submit my essay tomorrow, so I kind of have to stick with it. :(

I should have done this earlier! Haha

Thank you again!

Hi mppaniz,

I totally agree! I was very iffy with the first paragraph, and I was contemplating on erasing it completely since my essay was getting too long. Thank you so much for your help!


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