Hi everyone,
I have finished drafting my essay for UWC Scholarship. Please help me to proof-reading, check and correct my grammar and vocabulary mistakes. I am waiting for your feedback and comments about the content and creativity. The word limit is 300 words but my essay has got 307. So what should I eliminate?
Thank you in advance.
Topic:
What social issue is most pressing in Vietnam? Why is it more pressing than other important issues? Tell us about something you've done about the issue, or propose a potential solution. (300 words).
My essay:
I am obsessed the image of the poor and motherless girl selling matches on the cold Christmas night by H.C.Andersen. Sadly, the miserable stories of orphans like this girl have existed in Vietnam for years.
I realized the difficulty of abandoned children when I was a volunteer of Imperfection Project, which organized a three-day summer camp to help children in the orphanage. We taught them about science experiments and dancing. I could see the kids' eyes sparkle when they did scientific experiments successfully. Especially, this was the first time they had done science and danced. Orphans do not have conditions to study, do experiments or approach new technology. However, many kids were very shy and afraid of talking with us, maybe because of emotional baggage of their past memories. It was difficult for me to interact with them, but I tried to talk and help them be comfortable with me. I remember on the last day, these children hugged us and cried a lot when leaving the camp. Children are very innocent and sentimental. I intend to organize a voluntary project to help poor children and spread it to community.
Although most of orphans are living in orphanages, there are still abandoned children living by begging. These children are exploited and forced to beg all day by gangs. Did you recognize that the child beggar you drive away was not only did not have chance to play and study like other children but also persecuted mentality?
In 2010, the Ministry of Labour, Invalids and Social Affairs (MOLISA) reported that nearly 126,248 abandoned children live without the care of their biological parents. Therefore, orphans are the most pressing issue in Vietnam. They always dream of being loved, educated and being able to play like other children. I believe that the community will turn their dream into reality.
I have finished drafting my essay for UWC Scholarship. Please help me to proof-reading, check and correct my grammar and vocabulary mistakes. I am waiting for your feedback and comments about the content and creativity. The word limit is 300 words but my essay has got 307. So what should I eliminate?
Thank you in advance.
Topic:
What social issue is most pressing in Vietnam? Why is it more pressing than other important issues? Tell us about something you've done about the issue, or propose a potential solution. (300 words).
My essay:
Orphans
I am obsessed the image of the poor and motherless girl selling matches on the cold Christmas night by H.C.Andersen. Sadly, the miserable stories of orphans like this girl have existed in Vietnam for years.
I realized the difficulty of abandoned children when I was a volunteer of Imperfection Project, which organized a three-day summer camp to help children in the orphanage. We taught them about science experiments and dancing. I could see the kids' eyes sparkle when they did scientific experiments successfully. Especially, this was the first time they had done science and danced. Orphans do not have conditions to study, do experiments or approach new technology. However, many kids were very shy and afraid of talking with us, maybe because of emotional baggage of their past memories. It was difficult for me to interact with them, but I tried to talk and help them be comfortable with me. I remember on the last day, these children hugged us and cried a lot when leaving the camp. Children are very innocent and sentimental. I intend to organize a voluntary project to help poor children and spread it to community.
Although most of orphans are living in orphanages, there are still abandoned children living by begging. These children are exploited and forced to beg all day by gangs. Did you recognize that the child beggar you drive away was not only did not have chance to play and study like other children but also persecuted mentality?
In 2010, the Ministry of Labour, Invalids and Social Affairs (MOLISA) reported that nearly 126,248 abandoned children live without the care of their biological parents. Therefore, orphans are the most pressing issue in Vietnam. They always dream of being loved, educated and being able to play like other children. I believe that the community will turn their dream into reality.
