Please help by providing feedback. Is the paper good? Because, I did not create it up, I wrote based on how I felt and what I been through. Will this be a good scholarship essay?
"Continue the push to the finish line" is a valuable lesson I learned from a friend. It has often provided me the strength to face my obstacles.
I never imagined that I could have achieved so much thus far in academics. As a child, from an uneducated family, I learned to overcome obstacles. I do not accept fate because I believe my future rests within my own hands. My parents were both born in a suburban village, in China, after the revolution. Inevitably, many in their generation never had the opportunity for education. Thus, my parents never graduated from elementary school. However, they both admired education because of the economic opportunities and didactic skill set education can offer. Therefore, my mother was strict with her children's academic success. She raised me to be accountable for my own actions. In addition, I have been given the golden educational opportunity America has to offer.
My family arrived to America with excitements about the 'American Dream.' I never understood why parent's enthusiasm until three years ago. I can remember leaving our home to create a new life. We were in poverty with government housing and education assistant grants. My mother said," In the United States, you will have the opportunity for college." She believed America was the only place that could offer her children success.
However, despite her efforts, I failed at my preparatory school years. I began to hate school. I was fearful of attending school since as a foreign student, I was bullied for my being overweight as well as my sexual orientation; I felt so overlooked and obscure, I often skipped school. I let my parents down and was an embarrassment to my family. They were summoned to juvenile court for my school absences. Consequently, I was marked as an attendance problem. I became a regular in summer school. Teachers in summer school were extremely surprised because my grades were A's and B's during the summer but C's and D's during the semester. At sixteen, I came to a decision to withdraw from high school as my frustration and confusion grew. I remembered every moment in the counselor's conference with my mother and sister. I was in pain, which they never knew. I watched them cry as my heart was broken in pieces, but I could not tell the truth. I was scared of rejection.
I did study and receive my GED. I thought school was not right for me; thus, I went to work fulltime for two years. I explored many fields and did not find a suitable one. Therefore, I decided to return to school and enrolled in a community college. I struggled at the beginning, fearing failure. I began to search for help and answers. Later, the school psychiatrist diagnosed me with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). I started to received treatment and medications. My grades rebounded from "C" to "A." My personality changed to be attuned to my surroundings. I began to be active in student organizations. I have learned a vast amount about business. I was in a group called "Students in Free Enterprise" and learned social-ethics in business. Promoting the greater interest in communities at large, helping small business, and young entrepreneurs to gain a stainable future continue to expand my knowledge base, fusing business with people.
After finishing my two years in [community college], I have continued my journey at [University]. Although I have transferred to [name of the university], I remain active in with the [School Name] SIFE team. I serve as a co-advisor. I must pursue my classroom learning and continue to grow as a business leader, while creating a footprint in the community, leaving the community stronger and more sustainable than how it was found. I have incorporated the theories of business school to real-life such as using strategies to promote local business, by incorporating social media advertising to local community promotions. I want to continue pursue my passion in consulting local businesses and human labor related relations, while inspiring other people that have gone through a troubled past. I want to bring the ethics back to business, using it to promote economic stability. In additional, I want to educate others the importance of giving back to the society at large. I believe these are the principles that made America such a great country. I "continue to push to the finish line" and will not admit to failure.
I believe these are the principles that HAVE made America such a great country.
I want to continue to pursue my passion..
There might be some more grammatical errors, which you will be able to figure out when you read through it once more. Otherwise, it seems fine.
Good luck!
