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Rejection as The start of another better future - Self Introduction Essay for KGSP/Master's Program



bloomingdaisy 1 / 2  
Mar 4, 2016   #1
Hello everyone!
So, this is my first time writing Self-Introduction for Scholarship Program (KGSP) and I'm aware that there will be some mistakes and lacking parts as I write this essay. Please help me in reviewing my essay because it could help me a lot. Thanks!

The essay should cover these points below:
o Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
o Your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program
o Your motivations for applying for this program
o Reason for study in Korea


Here is my essay:

Getting rejected does not mean the end of the world and will never be the end of the world. That was what I learn when I was missing out on my two favored university for Bachelor's degree program. It taught me a lot, not only about how to face the reality and deal with situations when they don't go my way, but also how to prove people wrong because I still can do better than what they think. Stay positive, work hard, and grab every opportunity that offers were the things I did to deal with the rejection because it could means the start of another better future.

In 2010, after the rejection that was how I found myself studying about Agricultural Product Technology. At first, I wasn't interested much to be enrolled here, not to mention how my mother was kind of disappointed with me just ended up in a local college, I also gave up on the idea of myself being a nurse or midwife as my lifetime job. Soon, it was all changed when the department chose me as one of the recipient of Excellent Scholarship Program from Indonesian Directorate General of Higher Education. It became the start of many amazing things which happen in my life. Getting the scholarship entailed me to work hard both in academic and non-academic field. During my college years, I joined several club activities (Student Activity Unit of Research and Reasoning, Student Council, and Karate), paper competitions, being laboratory work assistant (Quality Management of Food and Agricultural Product Course and Post-Harvest Physiology and Technology Course), and research assistant. Throughout the years, I realized that I'm already keen to this field because there will always be new things which could be developed in The Food issues. Thus I couldn't deny that at the same time I really work hard and have fun as well in improving myself at this University to become one of The Food Technologist.

The highlight moment in my college years was when I was being participant of Student Exchange Program to Thailand for four months. My purpose for this program was to finish project about Bioethanol Production using Natural and Commercial Yeasts from Sugarcane Molasses. During my stay in Thailand and even after I came back to Indonesia, I literally realized that although I had completed the project, it still lacking in many ways, especially in methodology and analysis of the results. Myself as the research assistant as well, I think my knowledge still not enough because I figured out that there were some areas which could be developed more. Therefore, these reasons has encouraged me to learn more deeply about Food Science and Technology and one of the ways is by getting into Master's degree program.

Korea being one of the top three developed countries in Asia has always been my choice to pursue my Master's Degree. There are so many reasons as why Korea has been my choice of destination, such as its breathtaking view, the delicious cuisine, and the unique culture has captivated me because everything seems beautiful and amazing in such unique ways. I had first discovered about Korea when I was in High School by watching some Korean dramas. Since then, I start to learn and keep on improving the Korean language through songs, variety shows, and dramas. Eventually, after a few years self-learning, I can read and speak basic conversation in Korean language though there are still a lot more to learn, especially about grammar and making proper sentences. Thus, these reasons have motivated me to choose this scholarship program to further my study.

Getting a Master's Degree through KGSP would mean a lot for me because it'd be one of the key to the professional positions which I've always wanted to be. After all, my main goal after pursuing Master's degree is to be able to work in any organization as a researcher or even a lecturer which related to Food related issues for the sake of human's welfare, health and the future. Furthermore, studying in Korea means I could get such a precious and better education than my previous education because I could study at one of The World Class University in Korea. Besides, I am always encouraged to gain more life experiences with the amazing atmosphere by studying abroad. I also believe being one of KGSP scholar will broaden my international outlook and strengthen my skills in the related field.

In conclusion, I would be honored to become one of KGSP scholar, not only due to the international experience and more precious opportunity but also it will allow me to affecting positively the people around me. Thank you in advance for taking my application into account.

Ssakshijain 28 / 129  
Mar 5, 2016   #2
Hi Sabrina, (Your starting lines caught my eyes, but then you ended up being too general. As I read your essay, you had a good start but then it was diverted. I edited the first three paragraphs with suggestion of adding some points. I think you have the potential to write it in a much better way. Second thing to add is your motivation behind studying Korea, what you wrote was too general to think. This doesn't gave any idea about your goal of education, immediate goal in school? how you are planning to study to achieve your goal. Also, just because you got selected for scholarship program, you cannot be interested in food science. Your essay made it look like you just accepted the things that come your way. You need to elaborate how you developed the interest and how you tried to learn more. How you see this field as a career goal? Not because you have been given this program but you are pursuing it because you want to study it. You need to be specific and write more. Looking forward to your new revision. :)

"Rejection is not a failure": I learned it when I started studying at ....Jember after being rejected by my favorite university for Bachelor's degree program. I learned to face and deal with the circumstances when they are not in our favor. I learned to stay positive, ....to grab every opportunity that life offers.

Initially, I was disappointed of being rejected and even gave up the idea of becoming a professional but soon it all changed. I was selected for the Excellent .......Education. The scholarship entailed .... ..... and paper competitions. I also worked as the laboratory ............ these years, the more I gathered about food studies, the more I became curious to absorb the vast knowledge. (I will suggest you to write more about these two jobs or the work you did that changed your perspective and the reason why you started to enjoy food issues?) I enjoyed the program so worked diligently to improve myself to .......Technologist.

The turning point came when I participated in Student ........ purpose was to finish the project based on "Bioethanol ....Molasses". During my ....... I realized that I am still lacking in my skills especially in ......results. I figured out that there were some areas(Can you mention which areas?) which ...... more. Therefore, I was encouraged to learn .......Technology. Master's degree program in ???? is a way to gain the skills and education.
PinkyTune 5 / 12  
Mar 9, 2016   #3
Wow! That's an extremely powerful essay. The rejection from 2 of your favourite universities may be a sensitive point, however you included this topic of failure in this essay in an unique way - that you learned from failure, whenever things don't go how we think they'll go. I love your ideas!!

Lovely essay!! Though, at the end, the essay was lacking the 'attention gripping stuff' which didn't in the opening paragraphs.

Overall, nice work!! Appreciate it!!

I see you also re-wrote your essay at some parts; those new paragraphs certainly are perfect!!

I wish you good luck!! Hope you get the scholarship!!


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