I remember that my mom has worked so hard: Personal Statement

I live with my mom, dad, and my sister. My mom works at Chevron, while my dad is an unemployee. She all alone pays house installment and supports the whole family needs. She once told me, that half of her monthly salary is used to pay off the house installment, so she might can not afford to pay for my living cost in university, but she keep working to fulfill the cost. She really is a hardworking woman , and that is what she always taught me to become.

This condition in my family, actually had formed me into the way I am now, which is a hardworker, optimistic, thankful, and not easily give up person. Whenever I get difficulty in something, I remembered that my mom has worked so hard, so I trust myself that I can follow her as an example and I will not let obstacles overcome myself, and I am being thankful for all the things I have despite the money matters my family are having. Eventhough I have to collect money my own money to buy shoes and clothes, I am enjoying that because it shapes me to become an independent individual.

Also, teenagers in my age tend to spent their time shopping and partying, which I can not afford. So, I prefer to spent most of my time in school's community, such as joining band club as guitar player, and soccer club as defender player and being a secretary in its organizations. I also spent my time participated in several events as a committee, and also winning Science Olympic in regency level. Not only this activities are more meaningful, but here I have developed leadership skills and have learned to interact with a wide variety of people while working with different deskjobs.

essay for educational assistance program (fund scholarship)
please correct my essay. max 300 words thankyou so much

There are several grammar issues that you need to fix;
My mom works at Chevron, while my dad is unemployed.
so she can not afford to pay for my living cost in university, but she keep working to look after the course fees.(I guess this is what you are trying to say)

This is my suggestion for you;
I come from a family that has just one bread winner. She is my mom who works really hard to meet all ends because my father is not employed. With her single earnings she has to manage every financial need of the family and therefore I cannot burden her with my educational expenses.

You also have to tell them why you deserve this scholarship.... Tell them about your goals and credentials; your strong passion for pursuing your goals !

I have to make 2 essays:

1. personal traits, activities, achievement, family circumtances, important person
2. aspiration, carreer goals

so I think I write about my passion for pursuing my dreams in essay 2? or what do you think?
Do you think I answered the prompt? Do you have any suggestion to fix my essay?
I am sorry this is my first time making an essay
Thankyou for your help :)

Why don't you post your essays with their given prompts? Write your answers and post them with the prompts so that we can give you good feedbacks as to how you should answer them and what facts they should include. Since you are applying for a scholarship, it is important that your application stands out the others.

You can find many essays here on similar topics and read them to get ideas. But do not copy any lines because you would be caught up for playgarism :D

Where is the prompt? .... The question ?

In 200 to 300 of your own words, describe personal characteristic and accomplishment that will allow evaluators to form a complete view of you. Include any family or personal circumtances that may have impacted your achievements

Great.... : )
As per the prompt you need to talk about your personal characteristics and accomplishments for the selectors to form a view about you. For that you need to have yourself in the middle... Yes, you had hardships and you can talk about them. But at the same time you must tell them how you overcame those challenges. Show them that you a person with courage, determination, perseverance etc.etc. through your experiences. Tell them your accomplishments ;That part is missing in what you have written : (

This is how I suggest your first para;
I come from a family that suffers from many financial hardships. My mom is the only bread winner at home because my dad is unemployed. I grew up seeing my mom's endless struggles to feed us while looking after all family needs with her single earnings. Her struggles and our hardships made me think differently to other girls of my age; I became a more matured, responsible,sensitive and a hardworking person with a strong determination.

Do the rest and I shall try to help you : )

thankyou so much... really...

this is my second para:

This condition has made me pushed myself to the limit, to prove to myself that money matters will not be an obstacle for my accomplishment. I participated in Science Olympic in earth-science section. It was actually aimed for science students and I am a social department students which is no longer study about physics, chemicals, etc, but I insist to join, I gathered my courage and register to the selection. I got selected and had to represent my school in regency level. I actually got the difficulties with science lessons during the training,but I could overcome them with some catching up outside the school hours. I won as a top 15 and would be trained for the next level. I got the money from this winning and honestly, it helped me a lot. But I failed to win in province level. This is a precious experience I got in training and the whole competition. It encourages me to achieve more and made me believe with persistence and dedication I can reach the impossible.

thankyou so much for helping, so this is the accomplishment, what should I write in para 3?