This school will lead me to the teacher profession. Australia Awards Scholarship Essay 2

Dear friends,

I hope you have time to read and give me any suggestion. I will appreciate every comment. Thank you in advance :)

How will the proposed study contribute to your career?

Master of [name] at [name] or Master of [name] at [name] offers a really good course. Step by step students will deepen their understanding of the English language teaching and learning. For example, firstly students will be introduced and acquainted with latest issues, secondly they will engage with research, thirdly they will develop their expertise, and lastly, they will upgrade the practical skills needed. I must say that those can fit my academic and career needs well. As an English teacher who can be considered new in the field, I always find that something is missing. I have an experience in teaching, yes, that is right. I have attended some teacher training to enhance my skills, yes that is also right. Unfortunately, I feel that I have not got the crucial knowledge that can fill the missing part.

Sometimes I wonder how to deal with students who are not too motivated in learning English or how to develop communicative and effective teaching materials. I did try to discuss it with fellow teachers yet nothing really works. Also, I did try to attend a teacher training regularly yet I still feel something is missing. I guess the problem is that I do not have the proper knowledge in English language teaching and learning. I cannot fully understand the problem occurred and as the result, I cannot handle it well. Recently I took a massive open online course (MOOC) in English language teaching and learning. I fascinated by the fact that there are so many things that I have not discovered before. I believe that by taking Master of [name] or Master of [name], I will discover other important knowledge regarding English language teaching and learning. This new knowledge will enhance not only skills, but also supplement critical thinking. Plus, I will get the chance to obtain a qualification in teaching so that I can teach at the university and share the knowledge to a wider audience.

Hi there!
First off, why are you discussing two different programs at two different schools? You cannot have a specific essay if you are referring to two different schools. How will the reader know which program you are referring to? Unless it's explicitly stated that it's okay to use more than one program in your essay, I would stick to simply discussing one program.

Also, I don't think this is a very effective essay because you are focusing a lot on the skills that you lack. That's not very appealing to a school or to anyone reading this. Your essay is all about the skills you don't have. I think you need to sell yourself a little more! Yes, you need the education to further your efforts and achieve your goals, but you can still focus on all of your positive achievements and what skills you do have that make you a successful student and, in the future, a successful teacher. I think it's okay to say that there are things you want to work on, but I wouldn't make your essay all about that.

For example, instead of: "Sometimes I wonder how to deal with students who are not too motivated in learning English or how to develop communicative and effective teaching materials. I did try to discuss it with fellow teachers yet nothing really works"

"I am continuously working to improve my skills as a teacher. Even though many of my students are not motivated to learn English, I am always seeking new ways to communicate with my students and motivate them to learn. I am highly collaborative, so I regularly attend professional development training and seek out advice from my more experienced colleagues." This shows that even though you struggle, you are focused on the positive. Instead of highlighting the struggle, it highlights the fact that you are motivated to improve your skills.

Aya, consider that you are referring in a master's degree course because of one of two things. Either there's a problem in your profession that you wish to solve or you found that you have certain inabilities related to your profession. Consider which of the two is the main reason that you are taking up the masters degree then present the essay based upon that need. That is how your proposed study will help you with your career. Explain what lessons you hope to learn and training you hope to achieve in relation to your career requirements. Pick just one specific Target or career goal for yourself and write a new essay based upon that. This essay is to general in focus and shows that you are uncertain about your career path. Try to gain a focus in the discussion in order to better address the prompt. Provided both courses can help you resolve your career issues, you can mention both courses in the essay.

@Hiddengrace

Thank you for your suggestion. I will keep in mind to be more positive so I can sell myself well hehehe.
Actually the scholarship allows applicants to choose up to 2 programs that's why I mention them in the essay. Basically those programs are from two different schools, but have the same structures more or less.

@Holt

Thank you for your suggestion. I will keep in mind to be more specific. Focus, focus, focus. It looks like now I have a clearer idea to start writing the essay.