"Science is simply amazing" - Scholarship Trip Essay

I would appreciate help on three "essays" that I am writing for a scholarship trip to Germany. I have never used this site before, but it looks like it's a reliable one with some users who could really answer my questions... There wasn't a prompt necessarily, but in the application you must include: a short biography, statement about why you would like to travel to Germany, and a description of a research project you completed. This is a science-based scholarship trip. Therefore, I felt it would make sense to base most of my papers on science. The deadline is tomorrow. I was wondering if anyone would be able to check my autobiography for grammar, etc? I've left my name and my school out, but some other information in. Here it is:

"When I think of science, I think of observation, experimentation, and most importantly, exploration. The ability to dive farther into a subject, break it down, and analyze it is something I cherish. Science is simply amazing. Almost all living organisms and elements, those found between the core of the Earth and the vast, star speckled sky, interest me. You may think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. I yearn to expand my knowledge, learn concepts that others may not know about, and benefit from what nature has to offer. Ever since I was a child, I have been deeply affected by science. Science has had a huge part in making me who I am.

My name is _____________, a sixteen year old from _____, Kansas. I attend school at ______ High School. (Name of my school here) has offered me many opportunities to study science. So far I have taken an Honors Biology course, Chemistry, and a Student Naturalist class. I rather enjoy Biology and my Student Naturalist class. I find it important to have a hands-on experience, which I get to have when working with animals as a Student Naturalist. My school also presents other opportunities.

I am a member of several clubs and organizations in my school. Leadership is another characteristic I find necessary. Therefore, I have been involved in Student Council, a wider version of it; General Assembly, and a more exclusive version; Student Council Cabinet. Also, I am a mentor for incoming freshman through a group called Falcon Mentors. My involvement does not stop there. I am a member of German Club, History Club, and have been nominated for National Honors Society. I am grateful such organizations exist within my school and town.

As I have gotten older, I have been asked by my family, teachers, and peers what I would like to be when I grow up. I would like to pursue a career in biology, veternarianism, or education. To help others, including animals, would be a great pleasure of mine. I may not be the next Albert Einstein, but I would like to at least make a small difference in the life or lives of one or more people. Before I achieve this goal of mine, I look forward to growing as an individual inside and outside my school."

I was told by one of my teachers that an autobiography should only be a page long for a thing like this and that's about how long it is w/ Times New Roman, 12 font, 1.5 spacing. Also, I didn't know if I should include some sort of heading?

Thanks.

Rachel, a heading is not necessary in a personal statement such as this. You have included some very interesting facts about yourself as a student in this essay. But there is not enough information to convince a scholarship committee that they should fund your trip. The basis for your trip to Germany is a scientific field trip of sorts. Yet your interest and work in the science field is merely glossed over. Rather than talking about your socio-civic participation in school, you should be building upon your scientific background and the projects that you successfully accomplished in relation to your desire to travel to Germany.

You should be considering the requirements of the scholarship program while writing your biography. Present and develop ideas that you are sure will gain their attention and make them consider you as a serious candidate for the scholarship. Remember to look up their mission and vision objectives and be sure to reflect that in your personality as you describe yourself. You can and should keep the biography down to one page only, but in order to fit in more information, you can use single spacing. That way you can truly develop your personal presentation.

I hope you consider my suggestions. I look forward to your uploading the new version should you decide to make a new one :-)