Self-introduction essay to get a graduate scholarship in Korea

Study plan in Korean University (Science and Technology)

Hi everyone, I would really appreciate if you guys could review my self-introduction essay to get a graduate scholarship in Korea. I'm not a native English speaker so please let me know if I have any incorrect grammar. Thank you!!!

Summary/prompt
- Self-introduction

Self-introduction

I am an undergraduate student at Danang University of Science and Technology - The University of Danang (DUT-UD), my major is Control and Automation Engineering. The reason I choose engineering is that I always have a strong passion for research and solving problems around society.

Besides knowledge, Engineering school have taught me to be a perseverant, hard-working and creative person. During my undergraduate course, I have involved in various research projects such as a portable reading device for the blind, self-balancing robot and line-following robot using PID controller, smart self-study system in the Danang University of Technology using Machine Learning and Electrical menu for restaurants in Vietnam.

Due to the desire of researching project, I have attended in many scientific research conferences and was awarded "The first prize winner of Amazon EduHackathon coding competition 2017" held by Amazon Web Service in Vietnam.

Furthermore, I have also attended in various social activities during my undergraduate course in DUT-UD such as a student exchange program in Japan, guitar club and volunteer club. Those activities, especially the exchange program has built up my passionate about study abroad and thus became my dream after graduated.

I would like to study in Korea because technology in Korea is much more advance compares to Vietnam and I hope someday I could bring what I learn in Korea to solve everyday problems in Vietnam.

Well done just a couple of mistakes.
1. have has taught
2. I have beeninvolved
3. Due to my great interest in research
4 my passionate about ... better....has intensified my passion to study in South Korea...
5 Korea is much more advanced
6 best universities
7 so I contacted him
8. I will try my best to
9. Due to the passion for ... may be ... for research, I will work zealously to ensure I accomplish what I have set out to do according to schedule

Hope this helps you. I hope you get the scholarship and accomplish your dream.

Thanks for reviewing and correcting my essay
I have reviewed yours and didn't see any grammar mistakes. Your English is way better than mine!!
Hope you get the scholarship too.
Thanks again!!!

Nguyen, which Korean scholarship are you applying for in particular? Each scholarship program has specific prompt requirements for every stage of the essay application process so I need to know which on you are specifically addressing with your essay. As a general personal statement that does not meet a certain amount of minimum requirements, this essay is acceptable to the degree that it speaks of your academic background. However, it does not indicate why you decided to enroll in a specific university, why this particular course, and a more intricate reason for desiring to study in Korea. Overall it is a very good draft, but it is not yet usable as a scholarship specific personal statement.

BTW, we have a one essay per thread policy at this forum so the admin removed the other essays that you posted. You need to post those as separate essays within separate threads. Otherwise the other essays in the thread will keep getting deleted. I hope you can provide me with more specific information, such as the prompt questions you are expected to respond to in the personal statement, so that I can give you more specific tips regarding the improvement of your essay.

Hi Holt,
Thanks for your great advice.
This scholarship is for tuition fees to study graduate program at Sungkuynkwan University (Korean University). They did not provide any specific prompt requirements so I don't really know where to start.

For those question such as Why do I choose this course, my goals and study plan, they require another essay to answer (Study plan essay), this essay, I think it's just a general self-introduction essay.

I'm a newbie of this forum so thanks for reminding me of the policy.

Nguyen, in that case, you should consider approaching the personal statement from the traditional standpoint. As a traditional personal statement, you need to address the following information:

1. Explain how you developed an interest in this course. Discuss your academic goals. Why does the Korean university seem like a better choice than an in-country university for you? Make sure that your interest spins off to a professional reference so that the reason for your interest in the MS course becomes evident.

2. Describe why the graduate program at Sungkuynkwan University stood out for you when your own country also offers MS programs in this course. You may use your professional goals to explain this. How does the Korean education prepare you to become a better professional? What do you hope to learn during your studies?

3. Think about your choice of country. Why do you believe that Korea is a better place for you to achieve your academic goals? What sets is apart from the internship and other training programs available in your country?

4. Explain why this scholarship is important to you. Refer to the financial requirements of completing the course if necessary and then explain what your final goal is after you complete the course. That way the connection between the scholarship and your personal information find a connection within the presentation.

These self introduction guide questions should help you develop a more standard personal statement/self introduction as it covers the basic information required to familiarize the reviewer with your academic and professional goals which will be threshed out in detail in the other required essays.