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SOP for AAS scholarship - I chose Master of Public Health

dungkyu 1 / -  
Mar 16, 2024   #1
I'm applying for AAS scholarship, please have a look for my supporting personal statement and give me your comment. Thanks a lot!

Why did you choose your proposed course and institution*?

In medicine, I see a purposeful and sacred vocation, yet what I love the most is its fusion of a scientific core with a philanthropic. I worked briefly as a clinician at a small family clinic that my teacher opened after graduation, here I observed and learned from experts about the treatment of chronic diseases in the community such as diabetes, hypertension,... Even though I am one of the young workforce, I received the trust to hold the administrative management role, of which the most important task is to set up medical examination processes to ensure a smooth, well-organized patient flow. Through several core group meetings, we finally have completed those procedures and we have even advanced the procedures for multidisciplinary teams which has been suggested as an intervention to overcome some of the complexities. These procedures are still effective so far and are updated annually to match the clinic's human resources. As I gaiend more experience, I gradually was able to participate in receiving and monitoring several patients, in which I paid attention to rural patients with serious vascular complications due to delayed diagnosis and treatment which cannot happen with a high-quality grassroots healthcare network. I believe that preventive and grassroots healthcare is a weakness in Vietnam health system that needs to be handled as soon as possible which is why I decided to pursue a career working in health policy, especially in public health.

I began my career in administration of health as a officier in Ministry of Health Vietnam since 2021. While facilitating evidence-based programs and engaging in community coalitions, I recognized a great need for systemic change to address challenges that impacted the problems of health. My task is quite broad but most notable is antimicrobial resistance and mental health, which are considered serious public health concerns around the world. In addition to being a direct participant in those project, I also work as a Health Policy Analyst for Ministry of Health in Vietnam. Through working on projects to build healthier communities with appropiate awareness and effective policies, I am working to find what heals the broken systems within our communities.

I am inspired to pursue a Master of Public Health degree to achieve my goal of breaking down barriers to help the health of my country's entire population not only live longer but also live healthier and more sustainably with Interventions aim to minimize the rate of antibiotic resistance, promote appropriate antibiotic use and increase equitable access to mental health care. Having the MPH degree in Australia is surely prcvious since the program equipped with practical public health, which is beneficial to learn about advanced intervention in developed countries. In addition, I have opportunities to gain connection with various experts and communities in International scale for involve in partnership and contribute in public health program intervention. My preference universities are The University of Melbourne and The Australia National University because the course structure focuses on health strategic planning, policy, and management, as well as health promotion in the population which is relevant and applicable in my current profession.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,797 4780  
Mar 20, 2024   #2
This is too long, You should be writing this within 200 words only. This is not a properly formatted essay. It also fails to respond to the discussion question properly. The question does not ask you to deliver your biography. It only asks you to pick at least 2 universities in Australia, 2 masters courses from those universities, then explain why you feel that those choices reflect your academic targets and personal growth requirements. Focus on the reasons you want to study a Masters in Public Health at an Australian University. All the information you provided is useless. It will not help you get the scholarship. Rather, it will disqualify you from consideration.
Catherine Frank 1 / 3  
Mar 28, 2024   #3

Your essay is too long, remove some paragraphs of your personal details and experiences and focus only on how you have selected institutions and course. What motivates you to choose the course, how your experiences fits the course and why you want to study.

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