learn from the south korea
Hai there! I would very much appreciate it if anyone would take the time to read and criticize my essay. what is necessary to add or should be deleted? and what can be done better?
The essay should consist the following and the length should be within 2 A4 pages:
- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Family and Education background
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you
- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc.
I am the fourth child of a family with seven members. My father is the chief editor of a newspaper, while my mother is a housewife. My first brother is currently working under my father as a journalist. My second brother is a piano teacher and a freelance musician. My third brother is currently finishing his bachelor degree, majoring in Mass Communication, while I just graduated high school, majoring in social sciences. Lastly, my younger brother is still a toddler. My parents initially didn't want me to pursue a gap year, but I persuaded them - convincing them that I wanted to take my time to decide what I want to study in university instead of hurrying then regretting my choices afterwards. Now, I have finally come to a definite decision.
I grew up in a religiously-oriented country where there are people who assume that the lack in discipline is caused by not being religiously strong. I had no problem with that mindset, until one particular moment made me realize that it can be flawed. One day when I was in middle school, someone I knew committed suicide. Days after his death, I heard people talking about how he was religiously weak and that he ended his life because of his lack of faith in God. I was in a state of disbelief, and thought that it was so ignorant of them to judge and assume something based on their little understanding. That's when I realized how unaware people can be about these mental issues. This became my motivation to apply for this program. I want to study psychology and understand how each person psychologically differs from one another and why such differences exist. I want to understand in a more in-depth aspect on the little things that people think don't matter. With enough education, I want to raise awareness of mental health, especially in Indonesia, and help individuals to achieve a society with more positive energy. Thus, I am trying to reach out to the best education that I can have.
South Korea has always been an option for me since I've always been interested in the Korean culture. To me, South Korea is a continuously developing country that learns from its' mistake everyday to grow even better on the next. What makes me so attracted to the country is because they're still able to maintain and not let its cultural foundation wither despite modernization unlike many other countries. Other than being provided with financial assistance, I'm motivated to study psychology through this program because the Korean government itself has taken a step forward to raise mental health awareness amongst people who would rather avoid the said topic. I would like to learn about that and be exposed to the Korean environment so that I'll be able to learn and do the same steps in Indonesia once I graduate, since many are still unaware about that issue despite having a low suicidal rate. Moreover, I'm excited to be able to widen my perspective in an international scale since I'll be studying in a foreign country with more diverse students.
I have always disliked learning solely from textbooks, for I believe true knowledge is beyond what's written in books. Other than that, I've always liked doing physical activities since they free me from stress. Thus, I engage myself with a lot of extracurricular activities, including acting, singing, dancing, and sports. Despite not knowing anything about acting, I pushed myself to join dramas and discovered new things as I also developed my teamwork skills. One day, I was able to obtain the main role in a musical which also donated its' profit to XXX. Next, I was also a part of my high school's modern dance team. We competed and won numerous competitions, and we also volunteered as performers in varies events. Lastly, despite not being active in the sports community, I was able to compete and win first place is a national long jump competition, thus being able to represent my city.
Other than arts and sports, I was thankfully able to contribute and help school events and also international events. As for school events, I was able to help out in career fairs, university fairs, and also open houses. As for international events, I was able to volunteer for the eighteenth Asian Games, and also for Balinale- a film festival organized by Yayasan Bali Taksu Indonesia. Due to the amount of extracurricular activities I've engaged with and my considerably high GPA, I was given the Director's Award at the end of my high school year by XXX. I was told that it's given to a student who has shown improvement in all aspects of school life - academics, school activities, social, and spiritual growth.
From all of the extracurricular activities I've done, I believe I have enhanced the following skills the most; communication, critical-thinking, and decision-making skills. With better communication, I was able to understand more about the people around me and also from the people around me. By listening and engaging myself with crowds that were so different in terms of religion, culture, and mindset, I was able to widen my perspectives and find the importance of acceptance to have unity in diversity. With good communication, I was also able to develop my teamwork skills since I've learned how to voice out my ideas more directly and also listen to other people's views. By speaking up and accepting opinions of others, I have slowly strengthened my critical-thinking and decision-making skills in order to be able to meet in the middle ground despite of the multiple voices that needs to be weighted.
I am ready to show the world what I'm capable of and what I'm willing to do. If given the chance to study with the help of KGSP, I promise to not only make a difference in myself, but also impact my surrounding greatly and positively.
Hai there! I would very much appreciate it if anyone would take the time to read and criticize my essay. what is necessary to add or should be deleted? and what can be done better?
The essay should consist the following and the length should be within 2 A4 pages:
- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Family and Education background
- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired, etc.
I am the fourth child of a family with seven members. My father is the chief editor of a newspaper, while my mother is a housewife. My first brother is currently working under my father as a journalist. My second brother is a piano teacher and a freelance musician. My third brother is currently finishing his bachelor degree, majoring in Mass Communication, while I just graduated high school, majoring in social sciences. Lastly, my younger brother is still a toddler. My parents initially didn't want me to pursue a gap year, but I persuaded them - convincing them that I wanted to take my time to decide what I want to study in university instead of hurrying then regretting my choices afterwards. Now, I have finally come to a definite decision.
I grew up in a religiously-oriented country where there are people who assume that the lack in discipline is caused by not being religiously strong. I had no problem with that mindset, until one particular moment made me realize that it can be flawed. One day when I was in middle school, someone I knew committed suicide. Days after his death, I heard people talking about how he was religiously weak and that he ended his life because of his lack of faith in God. I was in a state of disbelief, and thought that it was so ignorant of them to judge and assume something based on their little understanding. That's when I realized how unaware people can be about these mental issues. This became my motivation to apply for this program. I want to study psychology and understand how each person psychologically differs from one another and why such differences exist. I want to understand in a more in-depth aspect on the little things that people think don't matter. With enough education, I want to raise awareness of mental health, especially in Indonesia, and help individuals to achieve a society with more positive energy. Thus, I am trying to reach out to the best education that I can have.
South Korea has always been an option for me since I've always been interested in the Korean culture. To me, South Korea is a continuously developing country that learns from its' mistake everyday to grow even better on the next. What makes me so attracted to the country is because they're still able to maintain and not let its cultural foundation wither despite modernization unlike many other countries. Other than being provided with financial assistance, I'm motivated to study psychology through this program because the Korean government itself has taken a step forward to raise mental health awareness amongst people who would rather avoid the said topic. I would like to learn about that and be exposed to the Korean environment so that I'll be able to learn and do the same steps in Indonesia once I graduate, since many are still unaware about that issue despite having a low suicidal rate. Moreover, I'm excited to be able to widen my perspective in an international scale since I'll be studying in a foreign country with more diverse students.
I have always disliked learning solely from textbooks, for I believe true knowledge is beyond what's written in books. Other than that, I've always liked doing physical activities since they free me from stress. Thus, I engage myself with a lot of extracurricular activities, including acting, singing, dancing, and sports. Despite not knowing anything about acting, I pushed myself to join dramas and discovered new things as I also developed my teamwork skills. One day, I was able to obtain the main role in a musical which also donated its' profit to XXX. Next, I was also a part of my high school's modern dance team. We competed and won numerous competitions, and we also volunteered as performers in varies events. Lastly, despite not being active in the sports community, I was able to compete and win first place is a national long jump competition, thus being able to represent my city.
Other than arts and sports, I was thankfully able to contribute and help school events and also international events. As for school events, I was able to help out in career fairs, university fairs, and also open houses. As for international events, I was able to volunteer for the eighteenth Asian Games, and also for Balinale- a film festival organized by Yayasan Bali Taksu Indonesia. Due to the amount of extracurricular activities I've engaged with and my considerably high GPA, I was given the Director's Award at the end of my high school year by XXX. I was told that it's given to a student who has shown improvement in all aspects of school life - academics, school activities, social, and spiritual growth.
From all of the extracurricular activities I've done, I believe I have enhanced the following skills the most; communication, critical-thinking, and decision-making skills. With better communication, I was able to understand more about the people around me and also from the people around me. By listening and engaging myself with crowds that were so different in terms of religion, culture, and mindset, I was able to widen my perspectives and find the importance of acceptance to have unity in diversity. With good communication, I was also able to develop my teamwork skills since I've learned how to voice out my ideas more directly and also listen to other people's views. By speaking up and accepting opinions of others, I have slowly strengthened my critical-thinking and decision-making skills in order to be able to meet in the middle ground despite of the multiple voices that needs to be weighted.
I am ready to show the world what I'm capable of and what I'm willing to do. If given the chance to study with the help of KGSP, I promise to not only make a difference in myself, but also impact my surrounding greatly and positively.
