Hello ladies and gentlemen, I am applying for the Korean Government Scholarship Program 2017. This is my Personal Statement. Please be kind giving me as much comments as I needed.
Motivations with which I apply for this program
There are three main reasons that motivated me to apply for this scholarship program. First, Korea has a very high quality education in technology field, which is the field I love the most. Since I was young, I have begun to know about technical devices and tools; many of them are made in Korea by the companies such as SAMSUNG, LG, SONY, HYUNDAI, etc. As a result, I have been thinking how strong Korean citizens are, how powerful Korean government is, and how good Korean technical schools are. Second, Korea is one of the best environment to study Technology. For example, according to a document I have just read, Korean government has successfully adopted ICT (Information Communication Technology) - modern technical tools - into its education system to improve the quality and efficiency of the teaching and studying processes, while only two countries in Asia have done. As I am an IT student, I feel so excited about that. The last reason is that I love Korean culture and its human right's respect. Having studied a lot about Korean through reading newspapers, meeting Korean people in Cambodia, and watching Korean drama, make me praise and like Korean a lot.
My brief personal background in family and education
I was the third son in a family of six including my father, mother, eldest sister, elder sister, me, and my youngest brother. Although later my father has passed away since I was 4, I still have been brought up well by my mother and grandparents. As I am growing bigger and bigger, I always see my family's problems, so I usually try to find the solution to solve them, at least I can do something to improve the situation. Since I am a cool-headed and rarely get angry with others, I am often the one who stops people from arguing both in my family and in the society, especially when my siblings don't agree with each other on something. Therefore, my family always value my opinions when discussing something. By the way, about my education, as a child in a typical family in a rural area, I was sent to a public primary school near my home when I was 4 − a bit earlier than most of my classmates because I absolutely wanted to study at that time. Instead of taking one year in preschool, my family told to study grade 1 for two years even if my grades were high. Going through the primary school, secondary school, and high school since grade 1 to grade 12, I have always been a top rank student in the class. I meant most are top 2. In addition, I have joined and won too many outstanding students competitions. In 2012, I exchanged to a high school in the town 16 km away from my home to continue my high school education. At my new school I tried to study hard, and I rarely ever absented. In 2015 I graduated my high school with grade B on the certificate. Nowadays, I am starting my year II in Information Technology at Royal University of Phnom Penh, Cambodia.
My significant experiences
When I was 7 I saw people swim and thought it was fun, of cause, it is very useful. After that, I asked my older sister to teach me to swim, but my mother did not allow. Fortunately, my sister agreed to teach me if I do not let mother know. On Sunday that week, she and I went to a pond and started. My sister was just older than me 2 years, and was studying at the same grade as me. Before getting into the water, she told me to follow suit everything she does. When she got into the water and started to swim, I followed her, but at that time I could not float like her because it was my first time. She tried to help me and I tried again, but it still be the same. Though I was almost sunk, because of the strong commitment, I tried again and again until I could make it. It was one of the risky things I have done. With this kind of commitment and power of trying, I have achieved many things; but there are two achievements I feel exited the most. One is my high school exam's result in the year of edition of education system of the government to improve the quality of students' certificates. Although I did not get grade A, my family were happy with that. The other thing is getting in shape from a pig-shape. I had been too fat since I was in grade 7, so I am happy now because I was able lose weight by ingesting less carbohydrates and trying doing exercise for 1 year. By the way, the persons who have significant influences on me are Mark Zuckerberg, and Jack Ma. The points are one they are successful in life because of the Information Technology, and the other is their optimistic thoughts about the global issues. They indirectly stopped me from complaining and motivated me more to study IT and try to solve people's problems using technology.
My extracurricular activities
By now, I have done/been doing a lot of activities which are additions to my study time. They are:
-volunteered as a participant of Green up the City, 2016
-working as a co-organizer and graphic designer on a project "Youth for Sharing" to help next generation students succeed in their studying and to make outstanding students, 2016
-taught and studied in a club with classmates to prepare for exams, 2015
-volunteered as a member of the Union of Youth Federation of Cambodia, 2013, etc.
My acquired skills
-Programming with C programming language. As I finished year I at my University I am able to program with C programming language.
My received awards
-Provincial outstanding student in Khmer Literature in Grade 9 with Number 6, 2012
-Certificate of Appreciation for achieving an outstanding result with Grade A in Intermediate level in the English Language Program (ELP) at the Royal University of Phnom Penh, March 2015.
Hi Pisal, while it is necessary to address all the prompts for this personal statement, I suggest that you take it a few prompts at a time, this way you will give the reviewers, a much needed break to catch up and analyze the essays, as a result, this will also result to a better revision and a more confident essay to be submitted.
Having said that, I would like to take this, one prompt at a time starting with the second prompt, as the first one has already been reviewed;
My brief personal background in family and education
wasam the third son in
- a family of six
including my father, mother, eldest sister, elder sister, me, and my youngest brother . - you don't need to elaborate your family tree, saying you are a family of six is just a necessary information
Although later myMy father has passed
still have been brought
- As I
am growing bigger and biggergrew up ,
- Since I am
a cool-headed and
By the way, about my education, as a child in a typical family in a rural area,In academics,
- a bit
earlierearly than most
For the other part of this prompt, I would suggest that you summarize it, as the prompt says it's a brief essay on academics and family, therefore, you don't need to elaborate this part of your family and the stages you have gone through in school.
I will get back to you for the next part of the prompt.