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"Every strike brings me closer to the next home run" Global UGRAD Program


nikakupre 1 / 1 1  
Dec 5, 2016   #1
"Every strike brings me closer to the next home run"

Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program? Baseball Inspired Story

Baseball has been my deep interest even though I have never had experience of playing it. I have always dreamed of having a good bat or someone to play with on an actual stadium, but that is nearly impossible in my country. This dream of mine has led me to do everything I can to experience the feeling of pitching. That is one of the reasons that I am inspired to be a global UGRAD participant and strike everything out of my way.

I have never turned down a chance of self-development because I am eager to do the best I can and achieve my maximum as soon as possible. This project can be one of the experiences that could change me and make me a whole different and better person, just like every single one of my travels have changed me to the better good. My first trip abroad was when I was 6 and went to Turkey with my dance ensemble. Although I was very small to realize what actually happened to me, I still clearly remember the excitement I felt while walking around the new streets and meeting people that were different from my everyday friends and relatives. I knew from that day that the only thing that could make me completely comfortable and happy is being uncomfortable at first. Travelling and meeting new people was my real calling and I have never turned down a chance to create changes in my life ever since. I will be a great participant because I have realized what outcome it might have for me and why this project needs me as an individual.

As a professional Georgian dancer and part-time music teacher, I have learned to communicate with multiple cultures and ethnicities. Communication skills is something a successful UGRAD participant can't succeed without and I know I have the needed experience accumulated through all these years while travelling through Europe or even creating interest in guitar lessons and bringing in as many students as possible.

As a tourism and hospitality student I believe it is crucial to represent our country in the best but closest way to reality as possible. We need to get Georgia out of our borders and let everyone know about the travel and other chances they have here. Being an UGRAD participant will allow me to show my culture to others and act as a bridge of two completely different ethnics and behaviors. It makes me excited to realize I might have the chance to show my Georgian dancing or singing skills to someone that might see it for the first time. I would like to be a part of cultural exchange and my skills acquired in university make me sure I can handle it.

I do hope that throughout this essay my personality was able to shine through and show. I really want to be a part of this great project and am ready to take the net big step in my life. To me, that step is UGRAD.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,919 4799  
Dec 5, 2016   #2
Nikoloz, call me crazy but as I read your essay, I found myself thinking that "he wrote his application essay in reverse!" I came to that conclusion because your essay became more and more interesting as I reached the end of the paper. The information in your last paragraph has much more room for development so I felt that it was such a waste to place it at the bottom of the essay. I hope you will agree with me when I say that this statement should simply be revised in order to become an even more effective opening statement for your essay.

If your reverse the essay and place the conclusion at the beginning, totally deleting the reference to baseball because it is such a shallow reason for your to be applying to the program, and then place the statement about self - development under the new opening statement, your essay will almost be ready to use.

The story behind why you wish to become a member of Global UGrad is really admirable. However, you should add some information that shows your excitement at learning from your international group mates as well. Don't just focus on the exchange of cultures between Georgian backgrounds and American culture. You need to be inclusive in the discussion because the program will have hundreds of other students from other parts of the globe, whom you will be expected to mingle, collaborate with, and learn from during your semester abroad.

By the way, please place paragraph spacing whenever you can. The essay is difficult to read at this point because there are no clear demarcations between topics. It is difficult to figure out where one topic ends and another begins. It is necessary to do this so that the essay will not stress out the reader and make the reviewer think about not finishing reading your statement because of the difficulty in keeping track of his place in the essay reading.

You really have a pretty solid essay here. The adjustments I am suggesting are aimed at better highlighting that fact. I am looking forward to reading your revised essay. I am sure it will only get better and more impressive from here.
OP nikakupre 1 / 1 1  
Dec 5, 2016   #3
Thank you so much for the tips, I will put the last paragraph as first and try to add more talk about international backgrounds, maybe a melting pot reference? I did not want to focus my attention on what I will be getting from the program, because, well they seem to be interested what I can provide for them. I will upload the corrected essay as soon as possible
anonym28 3 / 4  
Dec 5, 2016   #4
Hy there , i am interest with your essay because of the fact that, plenty of information can be obtained from your essay.
but, actually, i've found some errors in your essay, which is little annoying, that is in sentence
(Being an UGRAD participant (...) different ethnics and behaviors ) actually behaviour
is uncountable noun


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