Struggled to find the purpose of life - Essay for KGSP Undergraduate 2021

Hey guys, how are you doing?
I'm actually applying for KGSP Undergraduate Program 2021 so I appreciate it if you guys can give me some feedbacks on my essay. Thank you

Hospitality management - Essay for KGSP Undergraduate

But how can you know who you are unless you know what you want which I don't. So how to keep moving forward when you feel unsure of what you want and how to achieve it? I asked myself all these questions and struggled to find the purpose of life.

After some research, I found the simplest but most meaningful answer to these questions that, discovering what to do in life should be something fun and interesting. As traveling has always been my family thing ever since I was 10, I learned one thing about myself that I can't live in one place for too long and I need to travel often. This idea inspired me to look for various projects and jobs that require travel, pay well, and provide great opportunities to move abroad that's why I think Business should be the right path for me. This degree provides a wide rage skills for variety of careers across multiple fields. From my experience of traveling, a hotel professional job is where I would like to start my list with. Since hotels are open 7 days a week, 365 days a year, it gives me options to choose which shift to work and enjoy diversity working with people from different cultures and backgrounds. It also allows me to expose to different kind of people that widen my connection and add more experience to my life.

I was raised in a family that fully supports me. My father is the 4th oldest of 7 siblings, who came from a needy family. He had to move around a lot to pursue education while repairing old clothes as a side job to earn coins. From a pagoda boy who did well in school, he graduated bachelor degree and got married to my mom at 23. He then earned a master's degree in global affairs from Rutgers University in New Jersey, when I was 2. After my sister was born, my mom decided to quit her job to take care of us at home and left alone all the burdens to my dad. He came back and began a career in the media industry and that was when our family started to become more stable. I came to realize that in life, we just have to challenge ourselves and face any obstacles that come our way, the survivors are only those who don't give up. It opened my eyes that education plays such a huge role in human life, it can overcome difficulties and develop both human resource and society. With the purpose of seeking greater opportunity for education and traveling, I am determined to get this scholarship. Another reason that I'm applying is because of generous financial support on settlements, medical insurance and accommodations from Korean governments, it makes me feel safe both mentally and physically as someone who is going to start a new life abroad for the 5 years.

In grade 3, there was a cultural dance event at school and I got casted to join a dance crew to practice and prepare for the performance. Out of my curiosity, I agreed to do so. That was my first time performing on stage but after that event ended, I stopped paying attention to dance since I wasn't interested in that field yet. 2 years later, my perspective of dance changed after I got to know kpop. The intricate moves and synchronized choreography grabbed my attention and eventually began to grow my interest in dancing. In 2013, I was asked to showcase my dance skills along with my sisters during our family dinner because our aunt was sick of us twirling around the house. We got 100 dollars tip from performing, but decided to donate all the money to the children through "Save the Children." Just like dancing gives me strength, I feel that every child deserves to live well and hope they can find their own happiness. I was very honored to make use of my hobby to help people. I first started as a hobby and it wasn't always serious until I was 16. It's almost considered very late to even start training. While asking my parents to take an actual dance lesson, they rejected saying it would only distract me from school since I was already in the last year of high school preparing for my national exam that time. However, that did not stop me from self practicing or continuing my desire to dance. I trained myself at least an hour in my spare time to catch up the choreography. Seeing how much I have improved from the records after months gives me hope that age doesn't matter if I pour all my heart into something I love.

During middle school, I participated in sports including swimming, basket ball, and badminton. In 9th grade, I got a chance to show off my hands-on science and engineering projects at the school's first ever STEM Fair. Making art objects from recycled materials to display at the Fair. I was honored to do presentation in front of the school director, teachers and numerous fellow students about our group project. This has helped me gain valuable skills in public speaking and better understanding of group work which I believe is useful in Business field. I also participated in national math competition in grade 12 out of my interest in the subject and was one of the chosen candidates to represent my campus for the second round. It was a fun experience to test out my math ability and face a challenging atmosphere competing with other contestants. I had a great time interacting with my friends and helping each other with the general knowledge questions. I have learned to pick up the opportunity and stopped comparing myself to others, it helps me a lot in terms of knowing my strengths and weaknesses.

As a shy extrovert, I used to have hard times getting around new people because of my social anxiety. From time to time, I realized that my shyness low down my self confidence and self esteem. In grade 11, I decided to participate in a study tour program to Australia to get out of comfort zone and boost out my confidence. After working in group tasks with the local students, I found that making a first move wasn't a nightmare as I thought. After day 2, reaching out felt a lot easier until the idea of making friends left me addicted. Having a chance to explore a new country alone helped me get closer to people and get comfortable with my language skills. I enjoyed trying new cuisine, taking photos of scenery and communicating with people. After 2 weeks of being away from home, I now would like to consider myself as a travel enthusiast. It has encouraged me to learn about new cultures and adapt to environments other than my home country.

There are a few countries I've considered pursuing my bachelors degree and South Korea is in the top of my go to list. After my Christmas vacation to Korea in 2015, I realized that I understood some daily uses words from the native Koreans and knew how to read words in advertising boards, through self taught from kdramas and variety shows. I was also amazed by this foreign friendly country where locals are kind and generous. One of my favorite thing about Korea is food since it's mostly organic. Health is important so having healthy diets can help me stay productive for school. And perhaps, it's almost impossible to think about continuing my desire to dance but after seeing how dancing can light up my mood and have positive impact on my mind, I don't think I can give up. The powerhouse dance studio with world class instructors in Korea will enable me to reach intermediate level of dancing.

South Korea is known for having one of the best education systems with advanced technology. I feel that, through this scholarship I will be able to adjust in a competitive environment and push myself to work even harder for my goal. Graduating in Korea will also open both job and upper education opportunities. I believe that both additional year of korean study and 4 years of college will deepen my knowledge in the culture. I hope to build stronger bond between Korea and XXXXXXXX through participating in student culture club. If I were to get selected as a scholar, I will work extremely hard and transform myself into a strong willed person who drives to achieve the life I want. I aim to be an independent woman in charge of my own future and challenge myself to be the best version me.

Your essay doesn't really have the focus on the prompt requirements that I was expecting to read. If you want to go to business school then focus the essay on that motivation. Do not keep jumping around through various interests. Either focus the motivation business, tourism and hospitality, or dance. You have to understand, there has to be a sense of continuity and relevance to your discussion. So make sure you know what major you really want to pursue and then discuss the foundation of your activities, exposure, and other considerations to the course. The discussion about your parents does not prove any influence they have had on you and how they have supported your desire to pursue a particular career. Your discussion about your interests should also focus on your high school interests. Reviewers cannot really take you seriously when you indicate age ranges as early as 2 years old. It would do you well to review the other personal statements for the GKS scholarship that are available here. You should be able to write a better and more relevant essay if you change your essay based upon the approach of others and the advice given to them for their own essay improvements.

@Holt, Hi thank you for you feedback. I also think that I lacked motivation in my Business field too. With your comments, I'm going to fix it and update for another feedback, thank you!