How would SI Scholarship for studies in Sweden be valuable for the applicant?

Prompt: In your opinion, how would SI Scholarship for studies in Sweden be valuable for the professional and academic development of the applicant?

Scholarship Reference Letter

My best effort :

SI Scholarship shall expose Messal to the learning of advanced technology and practices in management studies in one of the most developed country with highest ranking in sustainability which will be valuable knowledge asset to pursue her future career as a professionally recognised and competent Management Consultant in analysing issues in complex business operations, address them with appropriate and effective management strategies and applicable methods to put the strategies in to actions that help to sustain and develop the business especially SMEs in Batam.

Studies in Sweden will also open the door for her to manage herself in a constructive environment where she will experience and learn the adaptation skills, cope with totally new cultures and challenges in daily and campus life, and be discipline in completing course works and projects with timely manner. Numerous discussions and presentations that will take place during the studies also will hone her skills in public speaking and build relations with academicians and professionals in the industries especially in international context which are important aspects for her future career as a Management Consultant.

I am drafting my reference letter to be review later by my referee. I am hoping for valuable feedback which can improve the coherent of the prompt to the draft. The deadline is tomorrow. Many thanks in advances.

Hello!

The content seems fine. I would suggest using the term "applicant" instead of the name ( I'm presuming Missal is a name) as it would be formal and appropriate.

One major problem is that the entire draft uses two really big sentences. Each sentence forms an entire paragraph on it's own. While conjunction is an important tool, it should be used when necessary. So, do try and split them up.

A few changes that I think might be of help.

Para 1 -I personally believe that the SI scholarship shall expose the applicant....... in one of the most developed countries in the world, which gives utmost importance to sustainability. This will provide her with valuable knowledge to pursue......

Para 2 - Studying in Sweden....... professionals in the industry, especially with reference to an international context

Hope I was of help.
Good Luck :)

@DoctorWho

Hi Deny,

Yes, my name is Messal, nice to meet you :D

Your comment really helpful! Now I know how to break sentences. Thanks a lot!

Hello Messal!

I was'nt aware that you were writing this draft about yourself.
In such a case, it would be more apt to use the first person narrative.

Start the draft with a brief introduction about yourself ( what you've studied and accomplished until now), and then proceed on to how this opportunity will promote your academic and professional growth.

In first person narrative, it becomes-

*Intro sentences*. With the SI scholarship, I will be exposed to....

Once again, wishing you all the best for tomorrow!
Take care friend :)

Messal, I hope I am not too late to share my advice with you regarding this letter of recommendation. Your referee should be writing about the current professional situation that you are facing in your field. This should relate to the reasons why he also feels that the training you will receive in Sweden will be something that you will benefit from because you cannot gain the same experience in your home country. Basically, he has to explain that the benefits you will receive from the training have a direct relationship with your line of work. Trained under the best people in Sweden, your learning will be valuable as you impart the shared knowledge to those you work with at your company. In other words, he should discuss the way that the scholarship is valuable due to the information sharing that will take place during and after you complete the course.

@Holt

I see.. I have submitted it but I can use your suggestion for any recommendation in the future.

Thank you Holt. (y)