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Studying abroad Scholarship at Utrecht University (Netherlands) for Spring 2016

stylewiteaze 1 / -  
Sep 14, 2015   #1
Excuse my style of writing (If I offend anybody)
I am applying for a scholarship towards my study in the Netherlands and would love to have some feedback or help towards my essay!

Basically there isn't a strong structural essay format, but it has to be no more than 2 pages (single spaced or double) and I have to speak on whats the reason I want to study in this particular country and how it will aid me academically and career wise. Also my advisor told me to include hardships and financial struggles as they are looking out for the ones who are under-represented. "The readers want to read something that is emotionally moving or a struggle that you had to over come" - (word for word what my study abroad advisor said and she also says that she reads the scholarship essays too! so I'm hoping she's not trying to screw me over haha)

My Chapter of Growth

Hello, my name is Daniel Lee and I am currently an undergraduate at U.C Riverside seeking to study abroad at Utrecht University, located in the heart of the Netherlands. I will be taking part of the Dutch Language and Culture program for the Spring 2016 semester as an ongoing business major. I have chosen to study in the Netherlands due to my fondness of the history and the economy of the prestigious country. I remember during high school I first learned about the Netherlands in the 17th century, where the Dutch economy flourished and existed the first multi-national conglomerate, the Dutch East India Company (Vereenigde Oost-Indische Compagnie; VOC). I was instantly intrigued by the success of the Dutch and found myself wanting to figure out the Dutch perspective that brought the Netherlands to where they are at today. As I am studying to complete a business administration degree at U.C Riverside, I realized that my journey to the Netherlands would be a life-changing experience.

Studying abroad in the Netherlands would be a brand new experience for me as I have never visited or even traveled to Europe. I understand that it may be challenging to adapt to a new lifestyle but I am confident enough that I will be able to prevail through hardships and gain a larger and more open perspective towards life. The Dutch grading and learning system is very different compared to the UC system, where there are number grades instead of letter grades and the Dutch universities tend to gear students to work together and tackle problems as a team. By studying at Utrecht University, I will be able to learn to communicate better as I will be working with international students from many different backgrounds and also be able to see where my strengths and weaknesses lie while working with a different community.

I admit that during my time at U.C Riverside, I wasn't the best student in my earlier college years and I have been dismissed from school while entering my sophomore year. I understood that I almost gave up an important time in my life of growth and knowledge and realized that I had to change. To this day I have been making up for my humility as I have worked hard to be readmitted back into school, to be accepted into the business program, and to be also chosen as a candidate to study abroad during the spring of 2016. My cumulative GPA has been rising as I have been getting deeper into my studies and I know that the tribulations I conquered at U.C Riverside will guide me towards success at Utrecht University. I will always remember the feeling of "rock-bottom" that I endured during my struggles and it is something that I do not want to go through again. As a first-generation college student, I realized that I needed to work harder and not give up this chance when my single mother did everything she could to prepare me for a good education.

I am not going to give up on this chance to study abroad in the Netherlands. This would be a chance for me to not only make my mother proud, but also develop a new perspective in an environment that is far from home. My chance at the UCEAP Scholarship would not only help me greatly abroad, but also help my mother and younger sister; as I will be leaving them for at least six months. I would be leaving a heavy burden especially on my younger sister, as she would have to spend time alone while I'm abroad and my mother wouldn't be able to take care of her due to finances and work. My opportunity at this scholarship would help me put my mind at ease by being supporting my mother financially, where then she would be able to work fewer hours and take care of my sister.

Through my trials and tribulations, I hope that the readers of my statement will understand the positive outlook that I have developed as a student at U.C Riverside. I have come a long way but I know that the chapter of my life has just started. I cannot wait to further advance my study at Utrecht University and engage in many more successes, being the first person to go to college in my family.
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Sep 14, 2015   #2
I can give you some suggestions. Since this is a study abroad program, you should state that you will be studying the Dutch language.

I was confused when I began reading about how you first learned about the Dutch. Here is a suggestion: "I remember during high school, when I first learned about the history the Netherlands in the 17th century. I learned that the Dutch economy flourished and the Dutch East India company existed."

The next paragraph, you should use commas. Here are some suggestions: 1st sentence-Place a comma after "me". 2nd sentence-Place a comma after "lifestyle". Last sentence-Place a comma after "better.

I hope this helps!

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