Please help me with my essay.
Lots of young people in my country concern about studying abroad. Many of them yearn about achieving academic skills in the developing countries. I also have a exhaustive plan to continue my education in the U.S.A. I think it is a big chance to be independent and it is also a good chance for finding many new job oportunities. On the other hand, I think living in an industrial country may cause alot of rigors and difficulties.
First of all, when you travel to a new country and you are away of family, It is the first time that you understand the value of having your family nearby. You must live independent and this will teach you lots of skills. As a case in point, some of men do know nothing about cooking. First they try to just eat in restaurants; then they find out that eating home-made foods will be more desireable. It will make them more enthusiastic an eager about cooking and foods.
Second, learning fresh technics in the industrial universities followed by job oportunities. In developed country universities have a strong connection to the industry. For example when you finish your study in chemistry, many refineries send invitations to you inorder to hire fresh employees . After several years working, you can travel back to your country and launching your own oil-refinery company.
Third, it is tough to comminucate to native people in the first step. You have no friend in the first, and it can make you frustrated or homesick. that brings lots of social problems for you. You will be more prone to the physical and mental deseases. It can adversly affect your learning process.
To sum up briefly, because of aforementioned reasons, albeit difficults at times, studying abroad is rewarding. The is nessessary to experiance education in developed country and learn their knowledge inorder to rebuild our society opulant.
I like reasons you provided. Just try to work on below given points(just a suggestion):
Third body para, you can start like.. "It takes some time to adjust..." (then explain in detail how to adjust..)
Same way, try to start all your main body paras with main ideas and then explain in detail.