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Supporting Statement for AAS 2017 Intake - three practical examples of using skills from scholarship

yogagm 1 / -  
Mar 30, 2016   #1
Hello friends,
I am applying for scholarship, please see how I've written this essay and comment on it's faults, thank you.

Q. Please:- a) give up to three practical examples of how you intend to use the knowledge, skills and connections you will gain from your scholarship. Possible tasks can be personal and/or professional; and

b) list any possible constraints you think may prevent you from achieving these tasks.*:

Firstly, my practical example will be working with multinational ICT consulting company concentrating on ICT development for public sectors. I will emphasize ICT development for public sectors such as hospitals. My role will be analyzing problem that often occurs in public sectors. For instance, there is problem in bridging patient medical record between hospitals, so this complicates patients who have high mobility in their activities. Consequently, patients had needed to take same medical checkup repeatedly before the doctor takes a medical treatment. Coordination between hospitals are not effective due to a system that is not connected. I will contribute in planning data model which will be used in database systems between two hospitals. Besides, I will make a concept of business process modelling of each hospital so two hospital systems can be connected very well without interferences. This will maximize health care services offered to patients.

Secondly, I will apply to become a part-time lecturer. One of my future goals is to research more in my fields. I would love to develop my ideas and implement them through researches. University is a perfect place for me to conduct a research. My colleagues and I can do a collaborative research that maximize the output of the research. I can share my skills to fellow lecturers and students and give more benefits for the society with them. By joining in the academic field, I will get faster to know about technology growth in these field. Therefore, I can innovate and build some products which are up to date and required for the society.

Thirdly, many my neighbors especially for poor elderly and children do not know how to use computer. I want to hold a training for them about computer for daily use (importantly office use). I would like to introduce them with computer closer. I wish they become more productive as soon as they know how to use it. Learning about computer can improve their lives hopefully.

Even though technology growth has many benefits for the society, but there are some obstacles for it to grow in Indonesia like bad infrastructure in regions and importantly regulation. Many things especially for technology innovations are not being regulated yet. Some unregulated innovations will be treated as illegal innovations though they are not negative innovations. This is worsened by government that does not want to change or fit the regulation because of many factors.

justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Mar 30, 2016   #2
Hi Yoga, WELCOME to EssayForum, I hope you find this website helpful in creating well written articles. Honestly, the essay fall short in quiet a lot of angles and I would like to help modify it, please find the corrections below.

I suggest that you add a couple of sentences in the introduction part in order to prepare the reader on what to expect in your essay.

- emphasize on ICT development
- analyzing the problem
- soas this complicates
- patients had neededneed to
- take the same medical
- planning dataa model data - without interferences .

- more in my fields .
- them through researches .
- researchfindings that will - more benefits for the society withbeneficial advice to them.
- By joining inJoining the academic field,
- I will get faster to knowgain more knowledge about - technology growth in these field( this is not necessary as we have established your field in the beginning of the paragraph ) . - Therefore, I can innovate and build some products

- which are up to date and required for thethat are updated and beneficial to the society.

There you have it Yoga, I hope the corrections I made are helpful.

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