HI! I would appreciate it if anyone would read and my essay, and tell me what I should add or delete? and what can be better?
It is really important to me so please help me :)
The essay should consist of the following and the length should be within 2 A4 pages:
- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Family and Education background
Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or
events that have had a significant influence on you
- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities, or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired,
etc
"Women own 36% of small businesses worldwide". Just thirty-six percent. When I think of this number is nothing compared to the number of men with their business. I remember to have watched this movie called "The proposal" and letting behind about what was the movie about, the only thing that stood out for me, was the protagonist, in the first 20 minutes approximately where she was shown as this executive editor-in-chief of a New York book publishing company, and since the moment I saw her I thought "I want to be like her" of course not specifically an editor in New York if not this strong businesswoman who has the capacity to lead a company, the impression that remained on me about her was what made me think: "This is what I want to do".
Consequently, I imagine how the world has begun to change, started to see the world as an emerging market because, in the end, the business world consists of knowing what is going on in the real world. Therefore, I said to myself "I want to be this businesswoman who can be within those 36 % worldwide and raise that number, I want to create new opportunities for it". This was one of my firsts thoughts when I was 17 years old, trying to decide what field of business I wanted to study for college. That being so, to create these opportunities I must take the ones that appear to me, as well Korean Government Scholarship Program is a great option to not only grow professionally but also personally. My first introduction to international business was by studying business administration in high school and I was drawn to the complex ideas discussed. I strongly believe that business is what connects people all over the world and we are the ones who can join and create wonderful things. Just thinking about all the possibilities that exist to buy or sell something no matter where you are through the phone, computers, and so on. Business is not only sales of products, but there is also an extensive complex behind it, such as marketing, investigation, innovation, creativity, still, all those characteristics the most important one, is leadership. Everyone can boss but not lead, a leader is not someone who pulls from the front, but someone who goes and push from the back to finally get to the goal.
Therefore, since I was little my parents have always taught me to be independent, strong, to always work hard for the things I want. We are a humble family, where my mom is a housewife while my dad has his own business, and even though we have not struggled a lot financially, they constantly remind me that, letting behind all the commodities they give me, the most important one is education, due to the better I am prepared, the best opportunities I will get, to finally complete my goals. Today's students will be tomorrow's leaders, and it is precisely our qualities that clearly determine our future. That is why, as a student, I have always been someone who devotes time and effort to my studies, I am imaginative, critical, disciplined, and proactive. I have the capacity and willingness to learn new subjects interested and face them with enthusiasm. Thus, I accept my studies responsibilities and try my best to destined success in any activity I undertake. That is why we should never stop learning because I believe that knowledge is power, we should not study because we need to but because it enhances us, and finally is what makes the difference when you go out to the world, therefore my family has always encouraged me to go beyond my capabilities.
That is why I can contribute my academic knowledge and qualities to any institution; for example, during my elementary education, I received 5 honors' medals for keeping my grades above 9, then in middle school, I was vice president of the student committee where I showed my qualities of working in a team, trying to get the best for my classmates. Thus, since I like to enhance and I wanted to know more about economics and business, after high school I took some online courses, the first one was about stock investments and the second one was about the Korean economic development given by Yonsei University, which gave me an extensive idea about the country.
Additionally, I love participating in extracurricular activities such as dancing, sports, playing an instrument, writing, debates, learning languages, and so on. For instance, in high school, I participated in cultural activities such as "The Catrín and Catrina" contest along with the altar for "Day of death" winning 1st and 2nd place, in addition, participated in the Christmas carols contest with my classmates where we presented a dance winning 3rd place, furthermore I was again part of the student committee. Moreover, the idea of doing something to help others have always been very important to me this year for 3 months approximately, I did community service, in an organization called "Best buddies México" dedicated to improving the quality of life of people with Intellectual Disabilities, where I could improve as a person and make great friendships. On top of that, I began my sports path since I was 3 years old, I began first as a dancer until I was 9 years, then I decided to continue with fencing where I won first place statewide and third-place national level. Subsequently, I move to volleyball when I was 12 years old and the sport that I am still playing. I have been part of the selection team of my state for 7 years now and I was able to go to a national championship. All of this helped me to develop my teamwork and the ability to learn both from victories, reflecting humility, and from defeats, applying values such as tolerance and personal growth.
One of the experiences that marked my personal life was 2 years ago. Since I was little, I have had the opportunity to go to the United States to visit my grandmother and cousins who have instilled in me the desire to go to study abroad there. That is why I finally decided it and together with my family who supported me, I was able to find a place where I could complete my second year of high school in the United States. I was excited to be able to achieve that goal. We were working on the last details to be able to leave. Unfortunately, there was a problem beyond our reach with the family I was going to stay with and despite this misfortune, I could not go to study in the United States. This news really caused me a lot of emotions, including sadness, frustration, discouragement, and so on. In short, I was very unmotivated, I did not want to do anything, I felt disappointed since the panorama change from one moment to the next. My family gave me a lot of support in this situation, and it was then that I realized that yes, I could not achieve that goal, but that does not mean that I am going to give up on complete it, maybe that was not my time or opportunity. Based on this experience, I made an even greater effort in my school, in my sport, in doing new activities. Just because I couldn't leave didn't mean I couldn't keep moving forward. In this way, I was able to learn that life puts obstacles in your way when you least expect them, and you must be prepared to face them and move on.
As a result, I began to wonder why I wanted to study in another country. Most people, in addition to learning the language, see the opportunity to acquire new skills, learn more about themselves and what they are capable of, develop even in an artistic or sporting way, in conclusion, to generate more opportunities. Thus, here in my country, México, there is a lack of opportunities during and after we graduate from university, the education system still needs to be fixed, that is why because of these reasons, I finally decided to carry it out and accomplish where I want to be. Most people wonder about the future throughout their lives. Personally, I have always questioned it. Korea is a country that has all the tools and values to carry out your professional career and is also concerned with being able to train the most talented students in the country. In fact, is not a secret that the future is in Asia, and South Korea is now one of the leaders in economy and business. Likewise, when we look through history, we can see how 50 years ago this country got an outstanding development and growth, and this is demonstrated by their investment in high-quality education.
For these reasons, I consider this scholarship an excellent opportunity to achieve the goals that I have in the future since it offers many opportunities for you to develop both as a person and as a professional. It is a place that demands you and makes you demand yourself, but thanks to this, you prepare for life. It has leading teachers in its specialty, perfect facilities, it has cultural and sports activities, language courses, exchange systems, and, above all, very important to me, a scholarship system. Many young people yearn to be able to study abroad and I believe that I can achieve it and be part of the student community of Korea because I consider myself a leader, persevering, responsible person, and above all capable.
I am ready to show what I am capable of and make a real impact in my surroundings with positivity and kindness. I believe in the possibilities of my bright future in my professional life. I consider myself an excellent candidate for this scholarship as my educational background and qualities demonstrate my passion. If giving the chance to get this scholarship I will be able to continue my educational journey with great support and will lead me to success in the field of business.
It is really important to me so please help me :)
Personal statement KGSP undergraduate
The essay should consist of the following and the length should be within 2 A4 pages:
- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Family and Education background
Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or
events that have had a significant influence on you
- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities, or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired,
etc
"Women own 36% of small businesses worldwide". Just thirty-six percent. When I think of this number is nothing compared to the number of men with their business. I remember to have watched this movie called "The proposal" and letting behind about what was the movie about, the only thing that stood out for me, was the protagonist, in the first 20 minutes approximately where she was shown as this executive editor-in-chief of a New York book publishing company, and since the moment I saw her I thought "I want to be like her" of course not specifically an editor in New York if not this strong businesswoman who has the capacity to lead a company, the impression that remained on me about her was what made me think: "This is what I want to do".
Consequently, I imagine how the world has begun to change, started to see the world as an emerging market because, in the end, the business world consists of knowing what is going on in the real world. Therefore, I said to myself "I want to be this businesswoman who can be within those 36 % worldwide and raise that number, I want to create new opportunities for it". This was one of my firsts thoughts when I was 17 years old, trying to decide what field of business I wanted to study for college. That being so, to create these opportunities I must take the ones that appear to me, as well Korean Government Scholarship Program is a great option to not only grow professionally but also personally. My first introduction to international business was by studying business administration in high school and I was drawn to the complex ideas discussed. I strongly believe that business is what connects people all over the world and we are the ones who can join and create wonderful things. Just thinking about all the possibilities that exist to buy or sell something no matter where you are through the phone, computers, and so on. Business is not only sales of products, but there is also an extensive complex behind it, such as marketing, investigation, innovation, creativity, still, all those characteristics the most important one, is leadership. Everyone can boss but not lead, a leader is not someone who pulls from the front, but someone who goes and push from the back to finally get to the goal.
Therefore, since I was little my parents have always taught me to be independent, strong, to always work hard for the things I want. We are a humble family, where my mom is a housewife while my dad has his own business, and even though we have not struggled a lot financially, they constantly remind me that, letting behind all the commodities they give me, the most important one is education, due to the better I am prepared, the best opportunities I will get, to finally complete my goals. Today's students will be tomorrow's leaders, and it is precisely our qualities that clearly determine our future. That is why, as a student, I have always been someone who devotes time and effort to my studies, I am imaginative, critical, disciplined, and proactive. I have the capacity and willingness to learn new subjects interested and face them with enthusiasm. Thus, I accept my studies responsibilities and try my best to destined success in any activity I undertake. That is why we should never stop learning because I believe that knowledge is power, we should not study because we need to but because it enhances us, and finally is what makes the difference when you go out to the world, therefore my family has always encouraged me to go beyond my capabilities.
That is why I can contribute my academic knowledge and qualities to any institution; for example, during my elementary education, I received 5 honors' medals for keeping my grades above 9, then in middle school, I was vice president of the student committee where I showed my qualities of working in a team, trying to get the best for my classmates. Thus, since I like to enhance and I wanted to know more about economics and business, after high school I took some online courses, the first one was about stock investments and the second one was about the Korean economic development given by Yonsei University, which gave me an extensive idea about the country.
Additionally, I love participating in extracurricular activities such as dancing, sports, playing an instrument, writing, debates, learning languages, and so on. For instance, in high school, I participated in cultural activities such as "The Catrín and Catrina" contest along with the altar for "Day of death" winning 1st and 2nd place, in addition, participated in the Christmas carols contest with my classmates where we presented a dance winning 3rd place, furthermore I was again part of the student committee. Moreover, the idea of doing something to help others have always been very important to me this year for 3 months approximately, I did community service, in an organization called "Best buddies México" dedicated to improving the quality of life of people with Intellectual Disabilities, where I could improve as a person and make great friendships. On top of that, I began my sports path since I was 3 years old, I began first as a dancer until I was 9 years, then I decided to continue with fencing where I won first place statewide and third-place national level. Subsequently, I move to volleyball when I was 12 years old and the sport that I am still playing. I have been part of the selection team of my state for 7 years now and I was able to go to a national championship. All of this helped me to develop my teamwork and the ability to learn both from victories, reflecting humility, and from defeats, applying values such as tolerance and personal growth.
One of the experiences that marked my personal life was 2 years ago. Since I was little, I have had the opportunity to go to the United States to visit my grandmother and cousins who have instilled in me the desire to go to study abroad there. That is why I finally decided it and together with my family who supported me, I was able to find a place where I could complete my second year of high school in the United States. I was excited to be able to achieve that goal. We were working on the last details to be able to leave. Unfortunately, there was a problem beyond our reach with the family I was going to stay with and despite this misfortune, I could not go to study in the United States. This news really caused me a lot of emotions, including sadness, frustration, discouragement, and so on. In short, I was very unmotivated, I did not want to do anything, I felt disappointed since the panorama change from one moment to the next. My family gave me a lot of support in this situation, and it was then that I realized that yes, I could not achieve that goal, but that does not mean that I am going to give up on complete it, maybe that was not my time or opportunity. Based on this experience, I made an even greater effort in my school, in my sport, in doing new activities. Just because I couldn't leave didn't mean I couldn't keep moving forward. In this way, I was able to learn that life puts obstacles in your way when you least expect them, and you must be prepared to face them and move on.
As a result, I began to wonder why I wanted to study in another country. Most people, in addition to learning the language, see the opportunity to acquire new skills, learn more about themselves and what they are capable of, develop even in an artistic or sporting way, in conclusion, to generate more opportunities. Thus, here in my country, México, there is a lack of opportunities during and after we graduate from university, the education system still needs to be fixed, that is why because of these reasons, I finally decided to carry it out and accomplish where I want to be. Most people wonder about the future throughout their lives. Personally, I have always questioned it. Korea is a country that has all the tools and values to carry out your professional career and is also concerned with being able to train the most talented students in the country. In fact, is not a secret that the future is in Asia, and South Korea is now one of the leaders in economy and business. Likewise, when we look through history, we can see how 50 years ago this country got an outstanding development and growth, and this is demonstrated by their investment in high-quality education.
For these reasons, I consider this scholarship an excellent opportunity to achieve the goals that I have in the future since it offers many opportunities for you to develop both as a person and as a professional. It is a place that demands you and makes you demand yourself, but thanks to this, you prepare for life. It has leading teachers in its specialty, perfect facilities, it has cultural and sports activities, language courses, exchange systems, and, above all, very important to me, a scholarship system. Many young people yearn to be able to study abroad and I believe that I can achieve it and be part of the student community of Korea because I consider myself a leader, persevering, responsible person, and above all capable.
I am ready to show what I am capable of and make a real impact in my surroundings with positivity and kindness. I believe in the possibilities of my bright future in my professional life. I consider myself an excellent candidate for this scholarship as my educational background and qualities demonstrate my passion. If giving the chance to get this scholarship I will be able to continue my educational journey with great support and will lead me to success in the field of business.
