Would you be so kind and review my application for Master's Studies in Finance. Thank you a lot in advance.
Being three years old, I have mastered reading in my native language, so my father and I started on learning English. To make it more pleasant he put it into nice way of learning poems and singing songs. Since then I could not stop and now I am able to communicate in five languages, which is only the beginning. My mother in her turn noticed my love to music and signed me for lessons in Music School, which contributed greatly to my personal development in addition to music diploma.
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Hi, your writing is pretty good, but I have made some suggested corrections. Many of your sentences seem a bit choppy and don't flow together that well. I guess to me your organization isn't as clear as it could be, so parts of your essay seem a little scattered.
Being three years old, I have [At the age of three, I had] mastered reading in my native language, so my father and I started on learning English. To make it more pleasant he put it into nice way of [implemented it in an entertaining way by] learning poems and singing songs. Since then I could not [have not been able to] stop and now I am able to communicate in five languages, which is only the beginning. My mother in her turn noticed my love to [of] music and signed me [up] for lessons in Music School,{no caps} which contributed greatly to my personal development in addition to [eventually gaining a] music diploma.
I have been always [been] developing {maybe "I have been continually developing" is better}three paths in my life: languages, music and sciences. When deciding on a field of study I chose Economics. The decision was mainly driven by my interest in both mathematics and social behaviour science. At [ h]igh [ s]chool I have been awarded prizes for winnin[g ] at the first and second stages of National Belarusian Olympiad in Social Science and Law.
In 2012 I obtained [a ]Polish Government Grant and entered [The] Warsaw School of Economics, majoring in Quantitative Methods in Economics and Information Systems with specialization in Mathematical Economics. [The] Next victory for me was an EEA grant and qualification for an exchange semester at BI Norwegian School in Oslo in 2013. The driving force of going on exchange was a strong will to support the knowledge gained at WSE with the [a ]practical approach. BI undoubtedly helped me a lot in it [this goal] and broadened my horizons with another economic prospective. Inter alia, I had a strong yen to visit the most exotic European country (which Norway is in my opinion).
The diversity of experiences I gained through living abroad and trying myself in different life spheres distinguishes myself among the majority. I believe that any kind of experience enriches you. After moving out [away] from home I started working as a dog-walker, Russian teacher and musician, [and] later as an intern in real estate and law firms. In October 2014, I was employed as Business Sales Data Analyst in a big telecommunication corporation - Orange.
I would like to take an advantage of my potential, as well as [my] analytical capacity and logical thinking [by] studying at BI. I believe that [my] the interest and needed [fundamental] knowledge in economic and statistical sciences, experience gained through work in corporation, fluent knowledge of three European languages and another look at world given by my national peculiar {"national peculiar" sounds odd and a bit unclear} features will bring benefit to your university and make it even more multinational. A [My] strong will to obtain my Master's degree at BI is driven by my interest in researches and [exploring the] world exploring , in contrary to [the] modern tendency of pure using and consuming. {this is a bit unclear - do Master's students really focus on using and consuming?}
It has never been easy to provide [establish] a business or simply develop yourself in my country. There is a great brain flow [drain, which has] last[ed] for many years. During the last 5 years [the] Belarusian economy is [has been] in stagnation. Since [the] last economic crisis, many people have been losing their jobs due to bankruptcy or nationalization of private firms. At this very moment my mother is unemployed and my father is struggling with governmental regulations trying to provide [operate] his own small transportation firm offering taxi services in the city and driving himself at the same time. Since recently I am [have been] working myself, but the gap between countries welfares {"countries' welfares" is wrong and unclear to me} enables my studying in Norway without external financial help.
My greatest motivation is the evidence of self-improvement. I consider myself being [to be] a cosmopolite and feel comfortable about being in any country. Therefore, I aim to contribute to Norwegian prosper[ity] as well as Belarusian recover[y ] using the deep knowledge of the {oops, you are missing the end of this sentence}
Thank you for time and effort you take in reviewing my application. I would greatly appreciate the privilege to come to Oslo and meet with you to discuss how my knowledge and personal features will be beneficial to your university's development.
